Cliquey family on holiday

[PercyPigFan73]

We have just got home from our staycation with my in-laws,sister in law, partner,our son, niece and her partner and toddler. The in-laws,niece etc all live in one house. We live a fair few hours away so only see them twice a year,so this holiday was a big thing. Our last holiday together was around 2002.

All throughout the holiday we felt like outsiders. They always had to sit together, leaving us pearched on the far sides at dinner,in the pub etc and basically excluded us. It was so odd. When it was their child's nap time,they all disappeared to the B&B. Thought it would have been nice for partner to spend some time with his father.

We did arrive one night a bit earlier to the meal and made sure we were sat in the middle and they made the atmosphere very awkward.

My partner was hurt but doesn't like conflict.
They all live together so you'd think they would be bored of eachother and want to spend time with us all.

Would you be hurt too? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

My sister's in-laws were like that. They thought she wasn't good enough for their son and made her feel unwelcome & us by extension, when we were at a family do.

Such immature and mean behaviour. I just laugh and am thankful I dont behave like that.

I would have thought they would want to spend time with you as they don’t see you as often so yes it sounds weird. I would stop making an effort. Shame though. How far from them do you live?

Fuck that, it’s rude and weird. I would go on your own holiday. I have parents that complain they never see their grandchildren and I yet I visit and have invited them for Christmas, summer holidays, on holiday but they always say no. And then carry on moaning they never see us 🤷🏼‍♀️

Like your title says they are a cliquey family. They might not even realise how their behaviour impacts others, especially if no one points it out.

The holiday was definitely the right time to ask what’s up? Everything ok? Or suggest lets do something specific together? To which they can reply no but if you didn’t ask…

Very little can be done about it afterwards, although I’d still mention it to them, that you would have liked a bit more one on one time with them as you don’t see them that often. Hence you notice a distance which makes you feel a bit sad. That’s just stating an observation rather than accusing them of behaving in any particular way & see how they respond to that.

At least you know not to go on holidays with them again.
Leave them to it.
They sound like nutters.

Minimal contact only, preferably only for their funerals.

Very odd and would you really want to be THAT involved with them?!

I know. You'd like to think so, wouldn't you. It's bizarre and I've been thinking about it non stop since we got back😞 We are almost 4 hours away.

Good idea. Something to think about. Trouble is my partner won't say anything. Just vent to me. I worry that I'll come across as the bad person if I was to say anything.

We are due to go down over the summer holidays but I think we might be "too busy" this time around. 😩

I know,I know 😩
Might knock the visit over the summer holiday on the head 😞

Well this is the perfect time to make it very, very clear that you will never ever do a holiday again. Have that conversation now with him so when time passes and he ‘forgets’ you remind him of this conversation. Absolute weirdos.

Theres so much more to this but I feel it's very outing if I posted these 😔

See it as an excellent thing that you can just leave your boyfriend to his contact with his relatives, don't give it a moment of thought.
If he drones on at you about them, interrupt him and say you only want to hear about it if he has a plan to change how he deals with them. Otherwise it's just unattractive whining-pointless.

'Might knock the visit over the summer holiday on the head'-of course, do things you enjoy, spend time with people who are brilliant company and life enhancing 🎉

But I think after everything else....the holiday was the final straw. It's made us realise a few things 😔

Sounds good if it made you realise you don't need to spend time around a bunch of weirdos.

I think that it sounds very difficult for your husband to accept the dynamics have changed, but I think you need to tell him clearly that his family do not make the rest of you feel welcome anymore and that you've tried so hard but are not prepared to use up your holidays on people that act like they'd rather you weren't there as it's hurtful and affects your confidence. Tell him that he's welcome to do things with them himself but you won't put yourself or the kids through it, and if his family don't like you then they need to say it and not just make it all weird and unpleasant.

It's very often one person pushing this behaviour. It's possible that others in the group were not comfortable with this but just went along with it.

They were rude but I wouldn’t say eg cult or anything - they live together so will have more in common and to talk about but then in the other side of it you’d expect them to be excited to have new people to talk to! A lot of my relatives live far from us and they’d have more everyday stuff to talk about, no need to judge them for that bit but they need to make more effort with you especially on a fun trip

We once went on holiday with all of DHs family for a family wedding. One evening we went for a walk to find somewhere for dinner only to come across everyone in a restaurant together. We were all staying at the same place so it was really odd not to invite us. They just didn't think to, and assumed we were doing our own thing. It still baffles and annoys me.
DH struggles with his mental health and feelings of inadequacy because of being treated with indifference as a child, he was a quiet kid and I guess this sort of thing happened regularly.

Just do your own thing for the rest of the holiday, never travel with them again, and stop making an effort with them, unless it suits you both to.

Yep I think the being treated differently as a child is a huge thing for my partner. She's obviously the golden child and it's getting more and more obvious, especially with something very significant that happened a few years ago. That's the thing that's very outing but if anyone wants to know feel free to PM me.
Sorry if I'm drip feeding but something else that just occurred to me,when part we finally got to sit opposite his dad,his dad never spoke to him. It was always partner having to make the effort. Theres been no falling out or anything for him to be like that 😕

I agree. I barely tolerate DH and the DC as it is!

Know what you mean!

They sound pathetic and like a flock of sheep all acting the same way.

I’ve pm’d you, OP

Yes don't bother with them over the summer.
Do something nice instead, just the two of you.