Scared at night as an adult

[Drivingselfmad]

Name changed for this.

I’m in my 40s, a mother of teenagers, have a responsible job etc. But I have spent maybe 3 nights alone in a house in my life and I am terrified to do so. I’m usually slightly better when the kids are there - just knowing they are in the house is comforting. But tonight it’s just me and the kids at home, and even them being there isn’t helping. I’m scared. Of intruders, of ghosts, you name it. I imagine the worst possible things. Sleeping in a house completely on my own I find almost impossible. When DP is away, sometimes I keep a receptacle to pee in in the bedroom, so I don’t have to venture to the toilet at night. I check all the locks, under beds, in cupboards, and still I’m afraid. I can feel my heart rate going now, and I know I won’t sleep for ages. When DP is there I’m not scared at all. Have got an alarm; I’m tense in case it goes off. Won’t get a dog, as (surprise) I’m scared of those too.

I do have some past trauma in my life - personal tragedy rather than anything directly related to my fears. But I know my scaredy-cat nature predates that.

Any experience/advice? Thank you

I haven't got this "level" of anxiety about this, but I do know completely what you mean. I almost never spend a night in my own house alone, it is an old house but it is not "creepy" particularly. Luckily, there is always one of my kids likely to be moving about, and other noises as we live near a main road. I have got cameras, blink doorbell etc. I have an Alexa show on my bedside cabinet (to see it all if I wish) That said the best things I ever did when I was completely alone was turn the Alexa show off, and my phone on silent, go to bed tired, milky drink, low lights, electric blanket on, reading a book etc. went for a wee before bed. I also took "calms" and sometimes two ibuprofen, Not particularly recommending that you take over the counter medication every time you have to go to sleep alone BUT I take them so rarely, that it (or something) helped. If I had been out for a drink with with friend I defo did not have any issues, slung myself into bed, and out for the count for a while when I might have been nervous. Once you do "the routine" with no problem, you can do it all of the time. I know this is counter-intuitive, but the first I spent alone, I had all the cameras on high alert, and then spent half of the night checking them only to find a lorry had gone past or some other daft stuff to trigger them. The more you do, the worse it is. Little sleep was had. Hope this helps in some way x

Nope, I know exactly what you mean 😅 I get more scared by the thought of a ghost or demon being in my house than I do an intruder 🙈🙈

I could maybe defend myself against a human intruder..... I would have absolutely no chance against somthing paranormal

Its because its not the norm for you. If you were on your own for more than a few nights you'd get used to it.

I used to feel like this all the time. But I went on anxiety medication (for health anxiety) and these fears have stopped. Im still sensible and make sure the doors are locked each night, have a ring doorbell etc but im not lying there imaging every sound is a ghost or an intruder sny more.

Agree. This is not normal. Go and see your GP and get a referral to your mental health team.

It sounds like a deep seated trauma response that won’t be logical or easy to understand, that’s often how it works. You need a proper therapist with speciality treating trauma (‘trauma informed’ is lip service and mean nothing). I’d find a psychologist if you can a counsellor or basic therapist won’t have the understanding or experience to do what you need

I hate being home alone overnight, even with the DC here. I worry about break ins usually but sometimes get freaked out by noises and ghosts 😂. We were broken into once many years ago and it’s always there in the back of my mind. The dog does help a little and sometimes I let him sleep upstairs with me. He can make it worse because sometimes he randomly barks when people walk by late at night! DH works away every week for 2 nights and it has gotten easier over time.

I was reflecting on this in the night, and have decided to stop listening to these podcasts. So now I need non-macabre podcast recommendations!

I totally see what you mean with this. The more I check rooms, put alarm on, etc, the more on edge I am. It’s like, I don’t actually think something is going to happen, I’m just terrified of the possibilities. The more I try to ‘protect’ myself, the more I’m thinking about those possibilities.

Thanks everyone for the solidarity and advice. It has prompted me to think I do need to get some help with this.

I will consciously go through the house showing myself the windows and doors are locked, and if I can't sleep I'll stay downstairs on the sofa with a reading lamp on. The longer I'm awake trying to sleep and overthinking everything the more I spiral.

I have found being firm with myself really works to take control of my thoughts with logic and common sense.

Eg come on, you know there's no such thing as monsters,
you're mind is playing tricks on you, plenty of adults live alone and are absolutely fine,
you'll be absolutely fine,
night times are always a bit scary but we'll get through this (yes I suddenly become a "we", the stricter matronly me and the scared me).

We had an alarm fitted and I use it whenever I'm in the house alone overnight. It's made a huge difference to how I sleep.

I was brought up in a family where ghosts were discussed as facts. My mum then died in 1997. We have moved back to the house she died in, and initially I struggled, convinced she’d be watching us. I also used to worry about ghosts in my other house. I’ve told myself they aren’t real, I have no proof myself, and it’s helped

I am exactly like this. I also check under the bed and in all cupboards and wardrobes before I go to sleep 🤦🏼‍♀️ weirdly for me though it comes and goes. Sometimes I’m ’brave’ 🤣 for months and then I’m back to being terrified for some reason.

Definitely consider therapy as it sounds miserable for you. I’m surprised by the number of others who suffer with the same issue, it must be awful having to struggle when you are on your own.

Have you always been like this? Is it the house or being alone in your room (iyswim)?

When my mum and dad got married, my dad was a policeman. On his first night shift, my mum heard a noise. She freaked out and then thought that she could have many years of this and the thought of being trapped in bed scared for possibly years was very worrying. She decided to investigate. There was nothing there and she was able to then go back to bed and sleep. She did this each time and it got less scary. My husband was away for the weekend and I heard a noise so I embraced my inner mum and did the same thing. It was scary but I was able to sleep afterwards otherwise I’d have just stayed awake all night scared.

To those of you who have this fear, I presume you haven’t lived alone at all?

What are your interests?

I am scared all the time. In the day I get nervous going up the stairs to the bedrooms but at night it seems to ramp up for me. I have been known to wake my husband up just to check “it’s really him”
and if I start to think about what may be under my bed I find myself in a cold panic. My youngest went through a phase of wanting someone asleep next to his cot when he was a baby and the fear I felt would leave me almost paralysed. It’s bloody horrible.

I’ve always been like this. I have lived alone, but it was in a flat with loads of other ‘bodies’ in other flats, so was probably less safe/secure in reality, but felt safer. When I have stayed in hotels for work, I put furniture against the door.

I am fine being on my own in the evening. It’s the going up to bed and being in bed that freaks me out.

I love comedy (Off Menu is a fave podcast), books, music.

Only in a flat where I knew there were loads of other people in the building, which made me feel safer (even tho it was definitely less safe!)

I have a monitored alarm. Comes with a panic button.

Yes I have....

I was going to suggest this too. I was exactly the same until my mid 30s and even now still at times. My youngest DC is exactly the same as I was and I have been really accommodating of it as I know exactly how terrified he is, I have no problem with him coming in and needing company even as an almost teen.

He was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD a couple of years ago. My elder 2 are Autistic and don't have anywhere near the same terror as DC3 and I, so I think maybe it is more ADHD related.