Scared at night as an adult

[Drivingselfmad]

Name changed for this.

I’m in my 40s, a mother of teenagers, have a responsible job etc. But I have spent maybe 3 nights alone in a house in my life and I am terrified to do so. I’m usually slightly better when the kids are there - just knowing they are in the house is comforting. But tonight it’s just me and the kids at home, and even them being there isn’t helping. I’m scared. Of intruders, of ghosts, you name it. I imagine the worst possible things. Sleeping in a house completely on my own I find almost impossible. When DP is away, sometimes I keep a receptacle to pee in in the bedroom, so I don’t have to venture to the toilet at night. I check all the locks, under beds, in cupboards, and still I’m afraid. I can feel my heart rate going now, and I know I won’t sleep for ages. When DP is there I’m not scared at all. Have got an alarm; I’m tense in case it goes off. Won’t get a dog, as (surprise) I’m scared of those too.

I do have some past trauma in my life - personal tragedy rather than anything directly related to my fears. But I know my scaredy-cat nature predates that.

Any experience/advice? Thank you

I'm the same tbh. Would love to know how to grow out of it!

You need to see someone for your anxiety - medications and probably therapy will help.

Oh god I’m the same, I’m a single parent and I worry about what im going to do when the kids have left home and I’m on my own! My fear is not so much intruders, it’s ghosts/paranormal activity and being abducted by aliens (I know this sounds absolutely mental).

I used to be scared of unknown 'monsters under the bed', then I got house rabbits. One was such a terror no monster would have stood a chance against him!! It cured me. Would another critter than a dog be a comfort to you? If you keep them in your room the sounds of their happy nocturnal activity are quite reassuring! Gerbils are fab, or rats, if you can't commit to bunnies?

@Juliadiesalone yeah - writing it down like that makes me realise I do need to see someone about this, I think. I’ve just lived with it all my life, so have carried on living with it…

@CurdinHenry @floppybit it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone. Weirdly I find listening to true crime and ghost podcasts really compelling, and kind of comforting?! Not at night, but in the day. Mad.

We have a cat, and she does comfort me, especially as I can blame most night noises on her. Love the idea of your monster rabbits guarding you 😆

Pissing in a pan because you’re scared to leave your bedroom is quite extreme. Maybe start with the doctor and get a referral?

Yes, when you put it like that… (though it is the family sick bucket, rather than a pan - not the point I know, but just to clarify no food preparation items are pissed upon in the course of my neurosis)

I had real ‘home alone’ terror after my DH died.

I solved it by calling in a locksmith and having a lock fitted to my bedroom door. I also had a landline phone by the bed.

I reasoned that if anyone broke in, their attempts to get through a locked bedroom door would wake me up and I would ring 999.

That was 20 years ago and neither were necessary after a few months. I just needed that reassurance to get me through the terror phase.

I was like this as exh was always there and I was use to it. When we split I was terrified at night , it lasted about 6 weeks but eventually I got used to being alone. When I met dh I was fine when he wasn’t there. But once he moved in i got used to the company again and found a hard when he worked away.

But ive pushed myself to be ok. I do have a light on and my sleep isn’t as good but I manage ok.

Have NC for this so it doesnt link me to other posts.
I have phasmophobia and spectrophobia.
I have spent the vast majority of my life absolutely petrified of being alone, especially at night time.
My anxiety at night time was unbearable, to the point that I was frozen on the sofa and couldnt move for fear of attracting some evil entity. It felt like I was hiding in plain sight from spirits or ghosts.
I had been on various different anti depressants and anti anxiety medication which helped a little, but nowhere near enough.
Then in my 50's, I went through the menopause, then I was diagnosed AuDHD. I was prescribed medication for ADHD and along with the anti anxiety medication my GP prescribed, I can honestly say I am ok on my own at night now.
I don't particularly like it, but the awful anxiety and terror has gone.
I had felt this way for so long, I had tried so many things that I believed there wasn't a solution.
Please go to your GP and explain how debilitating your anxiety is.
There is help out there.

Not me, but someone i knew always had to sleep with the light on. This was due to past trauma from when she was a child.

I used to have this.

Anxiety meds (sertaline) and hypnotherapy worked well for me.

It's a.horrible feeling though

Thank you for sharing your experience, and I am really glad things have improved for you, that sounds terrifying. Even the names of your phobias scare me. I am feeling encouraged to seek some help.

gosh I really didn’t know it is so common. I wonder if many men feel it too.

I almost suffocate because I daren‘t take my head out from under the duvet if I’m alone. In the daytime I know how completely ridiculous this is, but once I’m alone at night my mind goes into overdrive. What’s truly ridiculous is that I’m not scared of human intruders, I’m thinking of horror film situations (not that I watch them)! Even as a very small child I remember worrying that the Incredible Hulk might come in during the night and not realise I’m a goodie!

I agree with others re seeking some treatment but I'd also suggest that listening to ghost, true crime, etc podcasts is a bad idea. You are telling yourself you find them comforting but the truth is probably that they don't scare you in the day (because it's light, you're not alone etc) but they're likely fueling your fears, they're keeping you thinking about crime and paranormal stuff all the time which is weird and not healthy.

I like living by myself but when I moved from a one bedroom granny flat to a three bedroom house, there was substantially more house noise overnight. I had a stalker at the time and had gotten a dog who slept next to my bed. But the creaks and groans of the house moving could make monsters out of nothing. I ended up playing music at a low volume overnight. It covered the noises and, as it was an album on repeat, it was easy to tune out.

I’m the same. I have to sleep with a night light on if DH is here and the big light on if he’s not. If I’m alone the only type of thing I can watch on TV is a rom com because I get too scared with anything else.

I hope my below comment doesn't make you feel any worse @Drivingselfmad.

More scared of human intruders here, and the vulnerability I feel whilst thinking about being asleep and that someone could be in my house. I have a DH and a dog, and I'm a man.

I suffer from intermittent sleep paralysis and so I don't know if it is linked. The thought of being in a state of sleep paralysis and realising that someone is there, but not being able to do anything for what would seem like an eternity, scares the shit out of me.

Not scared of ghosts anymore though which is a win 🤣.

Hard agree with being careful of what media you’re consuming.

Plus, having a light on in the hallway before it gets dark, having talk radio eg World Service, or a podcast on a loop, all night can be good, just so you can hear the murmuring but not so clearly that it keeps you up.

In the daylight go around every door and window and make sure you’re happy with the lock, the strength etc. And before it’s dark, make sure everything is locked and closed, including curtains.

Go to bed early with a hot drink and light book or comedy programme, and lights off early so you can wake up with the sun. The irony of me typing this out at half past midnight is……..yeah.

Keep phone fully charged plus charger in the room.

And everything else that has already been said.

Im a night owl im more at peace at night, i go for walks at night in the dark.
I live alone love winter time because it gets dark quicker.

I have more anxiety of a day time.

this is why I liked living in a flat when I was on my own, as I could hear my neighbours and didn’t feel so bad. I agree with seeking help. Needing background noise and lights is normal, pissing in a pot is not. Why don’t you put the light on!

I was exactly the same. I got a dog for other reasons but even though she'd never be able to fend off an intruder, she's loud. I no longer need the bucket, the other bizarre security measures or to wait until it's daylight to go to sleep.

Propranalol