Was I rude for dismissing a stranger who interrupted me on the platform?

[KookyLemonReader]

About a year ago I started a new job in finance in the City which has been very intense. The previous week I have been working very intensely to meet an end of week deadline. I am contractually required to be in the office at least one day a week so on Thurs I dragged myself out to the office. In the early afternoon I was at the local tube station platform waiting for the train and on my laptop deep in work mode when I noticed someone trying to get my attention in my peripheral vision. I turned away from my laptop removed my headphones and listened to the man. He was asking me where my handbag is from. I was very irritated that he interrupted me with this when I was clearly deep in concentration and replied in a cold way ‘I am working’ and went back to my business. A few seconds later I felt bad (also this man was an ethnic minority and I’m a white woman so I worried about that) turned back to him and said I’m sorry I was a bit rude what did you ask. He again asked where my bag is from. I told him the brand (vintage Italian designer). He made some random comment like oh I can’t buy that here I guess. I didn’t engage. Went back to my work. My concentration was lost and I was very annoyed by the whole exchange but also questioning myself. Was I awful or is it fair that he should not have interrupted a clearly full of focus person with a silly question?

Yes OP your job is to be available to chat to men when they say so. Not earn money to survive. Shame.

Congratulations!!!! You was in the right MODE for being in London. Just a word of warning: Do NOT engage in conversation, esp on the tube, with random people. The normal London mindset is 'IGNORE'....this isn't EVIL it's normal London. ( I am a Londoner so I know) if someone engages conversation or LOOKS at you DONT, give eye contact; these types are after something . For safety sake just act like a Londoner after all you're s Female alone. Just IGNORE PLEEEEEZ!!!!!!

He might have thought his might like that bag. Not all men are chatting women up. It’s also odd someone would be deep in work on a tube station.

So not like the OP’s scenario at all then.

YANBU @KookyLemonReader I am old and have the sort of face that seems to make random people want to talk to me. That’s all fine I enjoy a chat and being retired have the time to engage with others. I also feel it costs me personally nothing to have a simple interaction with someone.
But you OP were busy on your laptop (doesn’t really matter what with) and your headphones in. You should not have been disturbed by a complete stranger. I agree with a PP who said he wouldn’t have interrupted another man in the same scenario. He sounds like an entitled creep. This thread is reminding me of a thread where lots of posters thought it was perfectly fine for a man to accost a lone woman in a train station late at night to ask her which hairdresser she went to! Time and a place!

I still can't understand under what reasoning the OP could be seen as rude. I don't think it makes sense to consider someone rude for refusing to take part in conversation following a one-way, unwanted interaction (especially with the male-female dynamic, which plenty of people are conveniently ignoring).

A. Who gets deeply engrossed on a laptop on a tube platform? By the time you’d fired it up and logged in, the train would be here. Plus the WiFi is usually shocking, plus, are you allowed to log in on open networks.

B. Why are you still thinking about this a year later?

Yes it’s annoying being interrupted but yes you were a bit rude.

So, what ‘he wants’, comes over and above what OP needs to do? Really!???

Women don’t owe men their attention. You did nothing wrong. Next time don’t even notice him, unless it’s a matter of your physical safety.

The level of reading comprehension is not strong on this thread

JFC people. She’s been IN HER JOB for a year. This happened ON THURSDAY. Not a year ago.

Please. Stop.

Preach

She could have been reading a book or watching a kdrama what the heck does it matter. She was busy, she had headphones on. But you carry on conversing with every random man that approaches you no matter how inconvenient if you are happy with that, it is your prerogative of course.

I’m taken aback by the posters saying YBU. Headphones in, or reading a book, or frankly minding your own business… no part of that was an invitation to interrupt.

Op does come across a bit pompous with the rationale, but the underlying point that it’s rude to interrupt someone still stands.

😂😂😂

I personally would have just answered him. Where I grew up, it’s perfectly normal to engage in chit chat at the station, though I wouldn’t interrupt someone who was busy, but did sound rude the way you described it.

However, enquiring minds do want to know who the vintage Italian designer is, and was the designer vintage? Or is the bag vintage?

So OP probably engaged innitially because he was making such an effort to get her attention it was difficult to ignore him and she probably thought he was in some sort of crisis and needed her help (as he'd ignored all the leave me alone social cues).

I would take earbuds out to speak to someone vigorously trying to get my attention, for this reason. I'd also be pissed off if it turned out they just wanted to chat, and be curt in response.

Cue an influx of posters making the point, usually used by obnoxious men, that any woman engaging with a strange man at all is then at fault if he won't leave her alone.

That's just a variation of 'what did you expect, going out dressed like that?

Nasty.

Yes I think you were rude- many people have so called ‘important’ jobs but you can still be kind.

It sounds like one of those pick up artist questions. I bet it’s on a list somewhere, along with tips on how to get women to remove their headphones.

If men are feeling lonely or want to have nice chats with random strangers, why can’t they pick other blokes?

I had to get off a train & run down to the next carriage once because it was the only way to stop a man talking at me. Saying politely that I wanted to read my magazine didn’t work, he read it too & told me what he thought of it. Saying I was tired & wanted to be quiet didn’t work, he talked anyway.

Then there was the time a group of us were in a half empty coffee shop & a bloke tried to join us. We had to get in his way & say no loudly & repeatedly before he gave up - & went back to sit with his friend.

Also the random blokes who, after I smiled & was polite, asked my name & where I lived, the one at my gym who asked if I wanted “a bodyguard”, the really weird one who asked if I’d like to be a stepmother to his 3 kids, the Big Issue seller who tried to hug me because I’d said good morning a couple of times…

Engaging with random men is just not worth the hassle.

No, they aren't preaching; @user6758493 is right. If you don't read a thread carefully then you can't reliably comment on it.

Although, to be fair, there is an awful lot of waffling about of unnecessary information at the beginning of the thread. All we really need to know is that OP was working on a laptop with headphones in on a tube platform and a man (possibly rudely) interrupted and she was rude and now feels bad. We really don't need to know who she's almost certainly contravening IT policy and how important her job is. The I started a year ago and need to be in one day a week and on Thursday is a bit TL:DR. I hope her writing is more concise on her very important project.

It's the superfluous detail that always makes me question how genuine a thread is.

Whilst it was obvious you had your headphones on, and he was probably trying to crack onto you, I think you were really rude. Id have given him the answer politely but would have said you were really sorry but you were really busy trying to get something done within a tight deadline.
Years ago I worked with someone who was really eccentric and drove people mad with his dull waffle. But an older lady said he was single with few friends and his colleagues were probably the only people he spoke to. This comment totally changed my thought process and since then I have always tried to be kind and take the time to listen to people if they talk to me.
I do have a few older folk who ask me for help in the shops who then tell you the tale about something. Ive a couple of times given older strangers a lift home when theyve struggled. I have a hectic and busy life but small acts of kindness can go a long way in my opinion.

Alternatively, OP could write a comprehensible opening. We have:

(1) About a year ago I started a new job in finance in the City which has been very intense.

How is this relevant?

(2) The previous week I have been working very intensely to meet an end of week deadline.

Previous week to what?

(3) I am contractually required to be in the office at least one day a week so on Thurs I dragged myself out to the office.

Again, how is this relevant?

(4) In the early afternoon I was at the local tube station platform waiting for the train

Why not just write "on Thursday afternoon", or "the other afternoon"...

Preach as in agree. She absolutely is right. As I had posted, in fact just above hers. Maybe you need to read the thread!!