Gender Critical guy - How can I help the cause?

[MyShyCat]

Hoping that the amazing women of Mumsnet can help me. I am firmly in the Gender Critical camp. I peaked many years ago after the birth of my daughter. I simply got to the point where I couldn't ignore the craziness that we were all being expected to accept. Amazing women on Youtube like Magdalen Berns, Posie Parker, Helen Joyce, Jo Bartosch, Arielle Scarcella and Kathleen Stock were able to perfectly articulate all the thoughts that were flying around my head.

Like many of us I have watched with horror as bit by bit the rights of women and girls have been systematically dismantled. There have undoubtedly been successes on our journey back to reality but Sall Grover's defeat the other day has really made me wobble.

My problem is I not sure what to do to help the cause. I feel like I should be more vocal or active - not exactly Bill Board Chris levels of "being out there" but I think I need to actually be a bit braver and make my voice heard.

If anyone has any suggestions as to how a 53 year-old father of a teenage girl can take a more active role in this fight, then I would love to hear more.

I'm not sure I can just carry on watching youtube clips and tutting anymore! All suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I WOULD RATHER BE RUDE THAN A "F**KING LIAR."

Have you checked out the PSHE content contains at your daughter’s school and whether they work with any gender “advocacy” organisations?
If their PSHE content refers to gender ask how they define it.

Just tell your kids the truth and
then take a step back as you seem quite overly invested in this!

Thanks BlueNova. I have actually taught the PSHE content. (Not at my daughters school but within the same Multi-Academy Trust.) and yes.... I changed my delivery and content to reflect the actual law and reality as the provided teaching materials were indeed very captured.

Would you call any camapigner “overly invested”? MLK - over invested, Pankhurst - over-invested.

Yes, I am having a battle with my daughter’s school. They refuse to define “gender” despite them referring to it all over their PSHE content.
There are pressure groups that might need volunteers - Sex Matters , Transgender Trend for example. And there’s a couple of groups for schools one is Safe Schools Alliance and another I’ve forgotten the name of.

Check out mumsnet's Feminism - Sex and gender board

Plenty to read on there!

I think there are more important things to do and campaign for for women’s safety - like campaign for family courts report, domestic abuse awareness to be spread, challenge rape culture when you hear it etc etc

If the definition of woman includes men then women’s rights to safety etc cannot be upheld.

This type of opinion annoys me as it's always used to shut down conversation disingenuously.

People can care about, and prioritise, different things.

I do not, and would not donate to donkey sanctuaries. To me, there are many more important causes. BUT I am glad that other people do care about the donkeys.

We all do the work that's important to us. To OP, that's ensuring safe spaces for women and contributing to ongoing dialogue about sex-based rights.

Those are important, but they depend entirely for effectiveness on being able to define the women we’re trying to support.
If we can’t have single sex spaces, all women are less safe.

I think keeping sexually violent men out of women's prisons is pretty important, don't you?

Support the fundraisers.
Talk about the court cases.
Uphold acceptance and appreciation of the bodies we have, and emphasise health not appearance.
Accept gender non conformity as an expression of personality that needs no bodily mutilation to justify it.

Yes. But one individual man could have much more impact challenging rape culture and misogyny among his own friendship group. None of them ever want to do that, though. In case it affects their social standing.

I think talking about it is important. Just mentioning it (maybe bring up recent court cases etc) to people you socialise with and voicing why it’s important. So many people don’t think about it and don’t realise there’s an issue. Or worse, know that there’s an issue but bury their heads in the sand.

Ah thanks for letting us know what you think is more important. It will be important for me when deciding what to prioritise in my own life.

Or to put it another way: why is OP particularly passionate about the one area of feminist debate/action that doesn’t involve him having to change his behaviour/doesn’t apply to him in any way (because he’s a cis man)? Hmmmm.

No such thing as cis. It's just a word to make people think that you can change sex - but no human can change their sex.

Men (of any type) need to stay out of biological women's single sex spaces. Only predators refuse to do that. If you don't want to be thought of as a creepy predator THEN STAY THE FUCK OUT.

OP - agree with pp. Contact the various organisations such as Sex Matters and keep using the correct words. Gender neutral is mixed sex, transwoman is biological male etc.

How can anyone 'do' womens safety when the other party include men in that category?

OP without getting all 'typical man having to ask women what to do' on you, I'd suggest looking around you at what in your orbit is unlawful. Start with the policies in councils, schools, local authority provision and go from there.

That’s a weird response to someone asking “how should I change my behaviour?”.

Also you think men are blameless in the rise of gender ideology? I think plenty of men, and plenty of women, got us here.

Thank-you to everyone who has responded. Some really interesting (and in some cases very strange!) replies.

Still amazes me that there are some people who don't understand why this debate is so important.

I think I will be contacting Sex Matters and LGB Alliance directly.

Good idea to have a look at the Mumsnet "Feminism and Gender Board." Completely missed that one but if truth be told, I was following Julie Bindel's assertion that "feminism" was actually the only movement "by and for women." So being a guy I didn't want to wade into a place where I wasn't welcome.

So, I have found a way to help. I'm currently challenging a local Gym which suddenly popped up in my Facebook feed the other day. They were advertising a "Female only" strength club. On further investigation they confirmed that the "female only" group was indeed open to Trans Women. Currently writing my 4th strongly worded e-mail to them asking for clarification on changing rooms etc. It's a small step but it might help a little.

If you are a former PSHE teacher and understand the curriculum, you could build a website and offer free resources to other teachers?

Whenever you feel the urge to help someone you think is struggling - check yourself first.

As a man the best thing you can do is deal with any of your own misogny first. We all have it especially women.

What is it about women pisses you off and do you have good boundaries when dealing with women? How do you feel when a woman is speaking - can you listen without feeling the need to jump in.

How can you deal with misogynistic behaviour when it arises that gets other men on board.

Do you have issues with gay men, or any of those triggers that would make you look gay.

Do you notice if a man is wearing pink?

Model the behaviour of a man that your daughter should expect from other men even if you are still working on it.

Hi 2021x

Not sure I understand what you mean by "We all have it especially women."

Give over @2021x, the OP just wants to help (and protect his teenage daughter) and you want to turn this into some hand-wringing session on “checking one’s privilege” or some such?

OP, I’ve been in this fight a fair while and I’d say:

Support the fundraisers, esp the legal action crowdfunders and amplify them;
Support groups like WRN, FWS and Sex Matters;
Subscribe to newsletters (WRN, FWS, Sex Matters etc) and support campaigns that ask for action like letter writing;
Check your daughters’ school’s policies on single sex facilities/sports and challenge if necessary/possible; and
Have conversations with people - especially your daughter. The more people a) know about this stuff and b) know that their friends and family are in support of women’s rights, the better. It also helps to challenge misconceptions.