I hurt my baby co sleeping

[Bumpyroads]

Baby is a terrible sleeper, we co sleep and I feel very sleep deprived.
I have always talked in my sleep however last night I had a nightmare and got very angry in my sleep.
We were co sleeping and baby was sleeping in the crook of my arm.
I bit him in my sleep hard on his eyebrow, I woke up immediately to him crying I thought I had bitten his eye and immediately started shouting at my husband to turn on the light. Im so upset about it he has red teeth marks which will probably leave a bruise.
Not sure I can tell anyone in real life so posting here

Stop cosleeping . A near miss.

This ^^

can you get more daytime naps? are you less likely to have nightmares during the day?

Could you get him a bed, then you can get in and out once he's settled without moving him

I feel for you OP my 2yo still wakes several times a night, and i cosleep with her for most of the night, i bought her a single bed with side rails, and sit at the bottom on her bed until she falls asleep and then i can get a couple hours in my own bed before her first wake up, thankfully i have never had an issue with cosleeping like hurting little one but then i do have a superking so plenty of room, DD pretty much takes my side and i squish next to OH, if you end up falling asleep at the bottom of their bed while waiting atleast you aren’t right next to them if you have another episode, i understand where you are coming from- changing anything that could mean less sleep is scary especially when you feel like you’re running on empty, i have been meaning to stop breastfeeding in the night but i don’t want to as it would mean even less sleep.

When I stopped feeding DS to sleep in the middle of the night I rocked him instead. I hugged him to my chest (like he was in a baby carrier rather than in my arms horizontally) and rocked quite vigorously. He was older and could nap on his own but it did work and within two nights he stopped waking in the night for a feed back to sleep. I still had to do gradual retreat at bedtimes etc but I found the rocking worked well for transitioning away from feeding to sleep.
I still fed to sleep at bedtime for a while longer but he was going down in his cot for the first sleep of the night anyway rather than co-sleeping with me. I'd suggest still feed to sleep at bedtime as you are less tired then and can do it sitting up. I usually had to hold him for a wee while to make sure asleep before moving. Then do the rocking in the night when you would usually co-sleep.
Good luck! It sounds really tough.

You can buy mesh bedrails that go all around the bed. Amazon, less than £200. Feed baby to sleep, sneak out of bed and put the bedrail up.

I did this with my baby as I couldn't cosleep for medical issues but, like you, the transfer woke him up.

Dh has agreed to swap side of bed tonight so we both have to wake up.
Then he will make sure I dont fall asleep feeding. And he can help with transfer by shushing and patting.
Ds will just scream if I pat him because he wants to be fed.

Thats fir tonight. Will come up with something else for long term involving a bit of sleep training.
Unfortunately baby will be sharing with a sibling so cant let him cry it out in another room as it will disturb my other son.

Firstly you need a break. Your partner is being incredibly unsupportive and downright idiotic to not realise that something like this has happened because of extreme sleep deprivation (and desperation, hence cosleeping in the first place).

My DC1 was a shocking sleeper but me and DH both drew a line at co-sleeping as we both sleep far too deeply and the risks outweighed the benefits. We did share shifts of sleeping so DC1 could sleep on us whilst we were awake (usually watching something in a zombie like state with a cup of tea at 2am!).

I know so many others have said it but please consider drawing a line under cosleeping after this. But also recognise that you need help and you clearly aren’t getting it from your partner. If you’ve got nobody who can help with the nights, is there a friend or family member who could come round in the day a few few times so you could get a really good chunk of sleep in the daytime?

How old is your baby? If baby is non mobile, it's very likely Children's Services will become involved. Stop co-sleeping immediately and co-operate with the professionals if it is escalated.

You’re at risk of developing psychosis. The first signs are sleep deprivation.

Please speak to your health visitor and GP immediately.

It’s very normal for an 11 month old to wake during the night. My daughter has only really stopped once she turned 3.

Feeding to sleep is not bad. It’s perfectly normal and an amazing tool. I only stopped feeding during the night a little after 3, but still fed to sleep. Even if it was for comfort, that is still really important.

You will be feeling so guilty I’m sure. But know that your baby will have already forgotten.

I would definitely try and nap at the same time your baby does. If you are this exhausted you definitely need it. Could your husband take the baby for a few hours so you can try and sleep alone for a few hours?

Cot , own room, husband does cry it out method until kid gets the message and you go to a hotel or friends house for 2 nights to get a mega sleep. Baby won't Remember it at all and everyone will be happier. Sane mother- happy baby. Its what my in laws did with my husband instead of getting divorced as no one could function 😁. He is a strapping 40 year old and unscathed.

Also, other kid sleeps with daddy while he does cry it out with baby in a room on his own. If daddy doesn't fix up then he will need to move the fuck out and take baby every other weekend so you can sleep! How dare he refuse to help!!!!

You really need to stop co-sleeping.

I never did co-sleeping as my friend's brother is a paramedic and the first call out he had to deal with is a death of a baby due to co-sleeping / smothering. My friend said it really affected him and it stayed with me.

I did controlled crying so that my DC would self soothe. They would fall asleep on me - sometimes when they fed or when I was walking around. I would always put them in their cot or bassinet so they didn't get used to being on me.

A crying baby for a week or so is better than an injured baby (or worse).

So I just briefly mentioned sleep training to husband and said its the ferber method and I think we should start tomorrow etc he said he doesn't know what that is, I suggested he look it up.
He then said "its ok you know what your doing"
I actually dont know how to get him to be involved!!!!

You say …..

This is what we will need to do, tell him what’s he’s doing, which I suggest is the majority of the night, as baby will want to be fed if it’s you.

Tell him you’re on the sofa for the next few nights and exactly how he deals with baby.

There is no magic trick! You just tell him to read up as HE will be doing it NOT YOU and wish him good luck as you book into a hotel!! Cheeky fucker

The people who are encouraging OP to still cosleep, presumably as part of a general cosleeping ideology, really scare me. It isn't about you making your point about how wonderful and natural cosleeping in general is. For OP it is so dangerous that she hurt her baby. I can't understand how even the most militant anti-sleep-trainer could think cosleeping is a better option in this specific circumstance.

I can totally understand how you feel about all of this. At 11 months, unless your little one is underweight, they should be able to go longer periods with no feeds.

I think that co-sleeping and feeding to sleep is brilliant if it works for you and your child, but this obviously isn't working and, as others have suggested, sleep training is the safest way forward.

You're right that at this stage, feeding is for as much for comfort as it is for nutrition and 11 months will be a very very difficult time to break this habit as it is very well established. It will be tricky for little one to suddenly have to learn a new way to sleep but, as they learn other ways to be soothed, you will find that they begin to sleep longer stretches. This will in turn result in a happier baby! Which will make life easier all-round.

Baby will absolutely need to be in their own room in order to sleep train - get black out blinds on the windows and work out what your child enjoys - silence? audiobook? white noise? cuddly toy? music? light projector (these tend to be overstimulating).

I really hope you get the support and guidance that you need. x

I wouldn’t use Ferber method. Babies cry for reasons. Comfort is a reason. I understand you are tired but leaving your baby to cry is cruel. They cannot self soothe. They simply learn that you won’t come to them when they need you.

Could it be enlarged tonsils? My youngest has them and has always been a horrendous sleeper (has been referred for a tonsillectomy). They didn’t flag up until after 1 but ENT said this is likely causing the frequent night wakes.

I’m a single parent and how I got through it was going to sleep as soon as possible. Even now, 9pm is a late night for me.

As for the bite, my eldest got badly bitten at nursery. I was sent up to A&E by the gp receptionist but they basically said he didn’t need to be seen unless the skin was broken which it wasn’t.

I think there’s been a bit of push here for cry it out, and you may feel pressured to do that after all the quite stern comments. If you want to do it obviously go ahead, and obviously something has to change, but just wanted to add a voice saying you don’t have to CIO if you don’t want to.
I’m sorry to hear that you are basically a single parent, that will make things so hard on you. Can you tell dh what to do rather than ask, like could you tell him he’d taking ds at x time whilst you go for a nap? I appreciate this may not be an option though

You can take the ledge bit off the next to me forever. It’s not recommended, but I did it to make feeding a bit easier. It’s putting it into its floor bed mode, but still on the legs, You then need to stuff something down the gap like a pool noodle and you’ll want to make sure it’s really tight and secure to the bed. Might make it easier to feed ds to sleep in there and save you the transfer.

Ok so he's just gone to bed.
I fed to sleep like normal but I've moved the next to me away from the bed to avoid any temptation to co sleep.
I will then see how tonight goes settling then trying to transfer everytime he wakes up.
Definatly no laying down feeding , i will sit on the edge of the bed.
I think first step is to stop the co sleeping next step is to improve the amount of sleep.
That will include night weaning and some sort of sleep training.

At the moment we use white noise and he does like pats on his bum/back.

Seems I cant win on here but trying to do it all at once is a lot!

Well done. Thats an excellent start!

What would happen if you said all the things people have suggested here to your husband (about him doing more)? As it doesn’t seem to be something you’re engaging with.