Funeral - sensitive question

[theedgeofthecloud]

I'd be grateful for some advice. My mum died on Saturday (6 days ago). For various reasons the funeral won't take place until 20th May, so 3.5 weeks after death. I'm completely torn and in great torment about whether to have her embalmed. Funeral Directors say it's an entirely personal choice and there's no pressure, though I get the slight impression they perhaps think it's for the best. No-one will be viewing the body, and I've always been instinctively averse to embalming and in many ways just want my poor mum left alone. But 3.5wks is probably just past the point of ideal, and I'm worried about how deteriorated she could be and in particular if there may be a smell in the church? Any wise insights would be very welcome thank you. My brain is spiralling.

At that length of time you would need to. I'm in Northern Ireland and most get embalmed. That is with a funeral after traditionally 2 nights at home. Maybe a week if cremated.

I'm very sorry
There was an ama from a funeral director which might be helpful I'll see if I can find it

My condolences on your loss.

You don't need to embalm a body unless you are doing things like having the coffin at home overnight. Funeral directors are experienced at managing the remains of our loved ones using modern conveniences like cold storage and won't allow a smell. If you need to, ask them specifcally so you can put your mind at rest.

I would either embalm or have her cremated and in an urn for the funeral.

I don’t want to be insensitive but bodies leak so she will be having things done to her regardless of what you chose.

Sorry for your loss.

No, not at all if she’s been properly looked after. The embalming fluids are pretty toxic.

My dad's funeral was 3 weeks and a day after he died. He was not embalmed and everything was fine.

Here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/4476010-Im-a-funeral-arranger-AMA

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/3297186-i-work-in-a-funeral-directors-ama

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. 💐

If it's a matter of leaving her body undisturbed, she will need certain things done to her regardless of whether or not she's embalmed, if that makes a difference.

My Mums funeral was about 5 or 6 weeks after her death. No embalming and no issue.

edited to add really sorry for your loss x

So sorry for your loss. There was 5 weeks between my husband's death and funeral. He wasn't embalmed and there was no smell in church.

Take care of yourself

My dad wasn't embalmed and his funeral was just shy of a month after he died.

Sorry for your loss xx

As per others, embalming is not necessary because funeral directors can easily keep a body in good condition using cold storage. Any 'leakages' will have long since been addressed so embalming won't make any difference to those.
Also, for the funeral, the coffin will be sealed and there won't be any issues with odor.

With all kindness, I gently remind you that funeral directors run businesses and they are looking to make money so they will try to up-sell you any way they can.
Just as putting 'wedding' on the front of anything makes it cost 3x (e.g. wedding cake, wedding dress, wedding flowers), often times, putting funeral on the front will increase the cost dramatically.
When my DH died a few years ago, I repeatedly caught the funeral director's 'adding' mistakes which he was using to increase the costs (his profits) !!

I am so sorry for your loss as others have said there is absolutely no need for embalming and there will not be a smell.

Take care of yourself and stop worrying about that.

My dear MIL was buried about six weeks after she passed away, due to post mortem, funeral director availability etc. She wasn't embalmed as they said her body was too frail. There was no issue with smell or anything like that. Sorry for your loss OP, it's a horrible time.

I'm finding these replies very helpful and can't thank you all enough for responding.

I’m sorry for your loss. I lost DSis at very end of 2025. With holidays over the period we were unable to register death and plan funeral for a few weeks…then there was a delay in moving her from hospital to parlour. She was eventually embalmed and visits were organised however the day prior to these taking place I received a call to say that body had begun to ‘deteriorate’ and they wouldn’t recommend viewings went ahead. It’s a really personal decision…do what feels right and sits most comfortably with you.

I’m sorry for your loss, and all the ‘stuff’ you have to manage as a result, when you’d probably rather just sit with the loss for a while.
Don’t feel rushed into decisions.

Sorry for your loss. Dad's funeral was 6 weeks after his death. He specifically told us he didn't want to be embalmed. Absolutely no smell at the funeral. He died 11th feb and was buried 20th march if that helps.

Obviously worth having a chat with the undertaker as well, but unless they feel it's really necessary, then I wouldn't do it if that's not right for you.

I wouldn't say it's necessary if nobody is going to be viewing her. If anyone wants to see her then I would.

Sorry for the loss of your Mum.

If it helps, my late DH was buried 3 weeks after his death. I asked the funeral directors not to embalm, and they said they wouldn't have done anyway. The refrigeration they have nowadays is more than adequate for a few weeks. No smell in the church or crem, funeral took place in high summer.

Sorry for your loss. When my Mum died we had to wait 3 weeks and 4 days for her funeral because her favourite vicar was on holiday and she had told us she wanted him to do her service. If anyone is going to view the body I'd recommend doing it in first couple of days after death as bodies deteriorate quite quickly. We closed viewings for Mum after 3 days. No embalming, but funeral director placed Mums body in cold storage until funeral.

All the funerals I've been to in the last 30 odd years have had a long time between the death and funeral, 3 weeks seems quite normal now (England). Open caskets are not the tradition in white English culture and I think that's why we don't generally embalm.

Be guided by the professionals.

My FIL’s funeral wasn’t until 6 weeks after his death and he was bought home the day before his funeral (closed coffin). He wasn’t embalmed and there was zero odour.

Very sorry for the loss of your mum, OP. xx