So am at this bbq, there’s a twat here, claims his wife trapped him by getting pregnant ..

[LetsPutThisTwatStraight]

So he’s on one, when he meet his wife he was 27 so not that young, she already has a child, father not interested and not around …

so this idiot man x let’s call him
started a relationship with her
according to him they were just shagging …….

he split up with her as he didn’t want an instant family…..
(how can you split up with someone you claim never to be in a relationship with ?)
yet continued to sleep together …

she got pregnant
they had the child 3 years later had another child
then 3 years later married

yet he treats her like shit
cheats on her non stop
puts her down

he was trying to chat someone up at this party someone half his age
and when he gets rejected
he says men aren’t interested in single mothers
trying to put her down

yet he was when he meet his wife

what should I say to him

hes My dh cousins, husband's brother

He’s clearly feeling stuck and unhappy. But as others have said - leave him to it!

I don’t think this is an odd thing to bring to mumsnet at all.
In fact a lot more relevant/interesting than a lot of the nonsense on here.

Well his wife obviously loves him, given she knew exactly what he was like when she married him after having two kids with him, and being together for 6 years.

Thanks for talking sense into me yesterday without that chat i could have reacted more and even ended up in a row with my dh for him saying nothing

I just had seeing single mums disrespected
she has even said herself he doesn’t treat the first child well and treats the first child different
which I suppose a lot of people would say oh well that’s only facts as that’s not his child but it just feels off to me but I take your point this is also to an extent her choice too

But having slept on it
i think there some sort of signs that he hates himself
like self loathing
as he wants to say how no man is interested in single mums
yet he was interested enough to sleep with one regularly..
maybe he’s just projecting his own madness at him self

I don’t have to see him often thankfully
so won’t be stuck at table with him for maybe even a year
so I’m glad I didn’t react anymore than I did so thanks

she has even said herself he doesn’t treat the first child well and treats the first child different

can you really not see how crap a mother this woman is?

you started to make me see she also has a parent play too
as she knows he is not good to oldest child yet choose to stay and continues to choose to stay
you have made me see that from a different point of view

but he’s still the one mouthing off saying nasty stuff about the country is awash with single mums because the men don’t want to marry then
showing all his dosadon for single mothers
yet he got with one
it’s about his frustration at Himself I guess on some level

similar to that fact he’s not really been successful in life and always comparing how skint he is
its his lack of self discipline
and that’s perhaps why he cheats too, he has so self discipline or control
or it really is just a complete of respect

I’d just give him a wide berth
but yes it does definitely happen

He didn’t conceal how much of a twat he was from the start. But she carried on. She slept with him. She fell pregnant. She married him. She had a second child with him.

She now has three children living with a vile man. All because she wanted any man. She has prioritised herself over her children. She has failed her eldest child in particular.
in my mind, she’s not better than him. Just in a different way

IME most people who treat their partners like shit hate themselves and are projecting their own insecurities onto them. It’s very common. Happy people don’t treat people they care about like shit (not that that’s any kind of excuse of course)

Can I just say to all the women out there saying ignore him, not your monkey etc, I hope you're ok with the manosphere because that's what's being allowed here. If women can't even say oy! Stop it! how can we expect other men to?

If his wife has chosen to stay then he IS her problem but he is not problem of any women he tries to chat up! That's not their fault. Every woman should be collectively coming together and saying that is not ok..

When we talk about not wanting the Andrew Tates and the manosphere to exist we need to actually stop writing on forums "walk away". Instead we should be providing OP with ways to gently embarrass this guy so he knows, and all men around him know, that generic disrespect to women is not acceptable.

Sorry OP, I didn't get to the end of the thread and maybe someone else has helped you, but it was making my blood boil.

It's Monday now but next time I would quietly and calmly say that putting down a woman that you've just tried to chat up and cheat with just because she had no interest in you is not acceptable to please stop making yourself look like a childish idiot. Make sure you are loud enough for the other men to hear but not so loud you could be accused of shouting.

Some people don't like to hear this but your post is 100% spot on.

Women are not responsible for what men do. Men are responsible for what men do.

It's not women's job to listen to men ruminating over their pathetic sex lives and even more pathetic self-pity because that the sex life hasn't turned out in the way they anticipated. Who cares?

As for admonishing men like this over their self-divulged private information (that we're not obligated to care about), do you really think someone this lacking in self-awareness is going to be duly, humbly chastened by a lecture from a woman - a demographic he likely despises - about the moral wrongs of his interactions with women?

If so, I'm afraid I have to disappoint you. This won't happen.

It's a nonsense about 'letting them get away with it'. A bystander has no say in whether they get away with it or not. Women do not have all the moral obligation foisted upon our shoulders to 'correct' men who induldge in this BS and expect women to be their captive audience. You can shame them until the cows come home. They won't care.

So, yes, in OP's shoes I would refuse to humour him by even being drawn into his idea of a conversation. I'd have no qualms about telling him he was being a tedious, boring fart and that I have the sum total of zero interest in listening to tales of woe about his equally boring sex life.

The rest of your admonition to other women about the evils of the mansophere is merely your own interpretation. It's quite the reach.

@SerafinasGoose But your reaction of "I'd have no qualms about telling him he was being a tedious, boring fart and that I have the sum total of zero interest in listening to tales of woe about his equally boring sex life." is perfect!!!! It's fantastic putdown which was needed.

Well, if nothing else, it seems his repertoire of BBQ conversation is very limited and inappropriate.

Oh yes he’s as thick as two short planks really, I mean he doenst see th irony at all that he’s negging a single mum, and putting her down for being a single mum. Because she’s rejected him…..
yet he went for a single mum, when he was pretty young at 27…..
can’t even see how he’s making himself look stupid

Yeah because whatever the situation, it's always the woman's fault.