Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

428 replies

Dappy777 · Yesterday 14:16

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

OP posts:
Floogal · Yesterday 17:26

When my granddaughter died, my parents discovered he had a collection of swords. Never had them in view

ginasevern · Yesterday 17:27

mathanxiety · Yesterday 16:28

I have a suspicion that it's not naivete or self righteousness.

Denial?

zukinizen · Yesterday 17:28

I am not surprised....recently just was reading about the personal life of a foreign beauty in her 50s but looking very young and glam with surgery. Just looked at comments, all men saying the most horrible things: Grad dad would come and help you out, rubbing something...I was totally shocked, as I am from this culture and pedophilia is unheard of

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · Yesterday 17:29

Oh and I found a bong in my nanas house and it had definitely been used because it was a bit grubby… she was a great cook and she was always very chill, now we know why. It later came out that my cousin had been supplying her as it helped with her arthritis but she moved to low dose edibles very quickly because she didn’t like the smell.

zukinizen · Yesterday 17:29

Grand dad not grad dad

Fooledaroundandfellinlove · Yesterday 17:30

I also helped to clear out the flat of a very well respected elderly person ‘pillar of the community’. to find gay pornography involving young men (and indications of fantasies of much younger boys).I was so shocked and actually couldn’t attend the funeral where, according to my dh, everyone was eulogising him. We never told anyone - I don’t think anyone would have believed us.

Thapnan · Yesterday 17:36

I’ve name changed to post this, but my horrifically abusive narcissist of a father isn’t dead yet. When I was a child, his porn stash (I call it a stash, it was magazines piled 2 or 3 feet high and about 6-8 of these piles) were in his 2 double wardrobes - on the floor and there for all to see. I remember looking at them as a child and thinking it was normal for men to have that much porn. Anyway, my lovely mum died last month (thankfully they were divorced). She had given away everything whilst she was alive (she knew her cancer was terminal) and she had cleared her drawers and wardrobes of everything apart from necessary household stuff. She was a fantastic person in life and in death. She wouldn’t have had anything horrible anyway. My PILs didn’t have anything horrible. They had an organised house and they did it so that we didn’t suffer any more than necessary when they did. Very good people. I can’t fathom why my kids’ 3 lovely grandparents are dead whilst the utterly wicked one remains alive.

Catsarestillflumpy · Yesterday 17:37

Most men like barely legal girls. He’s not an outlier. Research has shown this. Most men are secret almost paedophiles. God knows I’ve come across many - ‘can you dress in school uniform,’ can you pretend to be 16, can you pretend to be my daughter’s best friend.’ Men are relentless

Uricon2 · Yesterday 17:39

My DH had to dispose of his former Army officer Dads little museum of weapons, including a 17th century musket and the Samurai sword he took off the Japanese soldier who was attempting to kill him with it. Also his parents love letters, burned unread. They had been together since 13/14 and died months apart, utterly devoted to each other.

The saddest on my side was the bundle of cards my grandmother kept from the 30s. Her 5 year old daughter died of meningitis, was ill over her birthday so there are birthday cards, get well cards and finally the sympathy ones, all bound in ribbon and very tearstained. They were buried with Nan. I was due on the anniversary of my little Aunts birthday and born on the anniversary of her death.

HoppityBun · Yesterday 17:41

Hardgarden · Yesterday 15:36

You don’t have to clear it. So don’t.

And you didn’t have to be an executor

shuggles · Yesterday 17:42

@Dappy777 Burning computers? Amazing, air pollution. Because air quality in the UK isn't bad enough already.

Normal course of action in this instance, if something illegal is found, is to hand the computer to a police station.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · Yesterday 17:42

GreyBeeplus3 · Yesterday 16:54

@Dappy777
Not quite the same but possibly in the same room, I always remember reading on the problem page of a womens mag (do they still exist?) Quite some years ago a man had written about his elderly uncle who had dementia thus becoming loose lipped talking about 'business with his gangland chums' during the 60s and 70s
Which he regaled to his only ever visitor......
The writer said he believed the tales were true because he'd been completely shunned, never married and seen as dodgy when younger so now resided in a private nursing home whilst talking of known unsolved local cases
Some involving murders, arson, robberies......
It was suggested he just considered them "ramblings"

I had a very elderly man I used to visit who confessed to me one day about being associated with what he thought was a murder in his young days. He told me the details but he said that afterwards there had never been any investigation and the body was never found, so I presumed that the 'victim' (who had been in the middle of committing a crime, was caught by associates of my friend and beaten up) didn't actually die.

But it's still a bit of a mystery.

LaurenBacal · Yesterday 17:45

Catsarestillflumpy · Yesterday 17:37

Most men like barely legal girls. He’s not an outlier. Research has shown this. Most men are secret almost paedophiles. God knows I’ve come across many - ‘can you dress in school uniform,’ can you pretend to be 16, can you pretend to be my daughter’s best friend.’ Men are relentless

What rubbish

PrizedPickledPopcorn · Yesterday 17:46

@bonkersbongo I’m so sorry. That was an awful thing to learn about. I hope you were able to build connections with that side of the family, eventually.

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · Yesterday 17:46

HoppityBun · Yesterday 17:41

And you didn’t have to be an executor

Yeah, I know. I mentioned it to explain the kind of person she is, to cut me out but then list me as one.

MyMonthlyNameChange · Yesterday 17:47

bubblepink2749 · Yesterday 14:21

Sick. They’re all the same.

People say ‘not all men’, but it certainly does seem to be a hell of a lot of men.

In fact I’d go so far as to say with confidence that the number of men who aren’t secret deviant perverts are the minority.

chipsticksmammy · Yesterday 17:49

For the people saying they have found something that links to child abuse, but covered it up.

Do you wonder if you had been honest it would have helped someone reveal something that should have come to light earlier?

TheBlueRobin · Yesterday 17:51

Fairly light-hearted. My friends moved into a house where the previous owner had gone into a care home. There was an old armchair and they found tonnes of porn stuffed down the sides, all 'mature ladies' and you could see the search history and when it was printed off. They found it hilarious.

Catsarestillflumpy · Yesterday 17:51

LaurenBacal · Yesterday 17:45

What rubbish

How so?

DeathBecomesMe · Yesterday 17:51

PrizedPickledPopcorn · Yesterday 14:35

A surprising number of men are only kept civilised by law, family, consequences. Their unrestrained impulses are bestial, frankly.

🤣

Apprentice26 · Yesterday 17:51

LaurenBacal · Yesterday 17:45

What rubbish

sadly, it’s not. There was an Australian study. I can’t remember the numbers and I’m not gonna make them up but it was bloody horrifying. How many would sleep with under underage girls if the Law wasn’t there
Russell Brand has admitted he shagged a 16-year-old when he was a 30-year-old man and thinks that’s entirely defensible on the basis that she was legal

MabelAnderson · Yesterday 17:58

HazelBite · Yesterday 16:24

When my father died, me and my sister found all the love letters my parents had written to each other when my dad was in the army during WW2.
We threw them away unread as we were too upset to look at them, nearly 40 years on I wish we had saved them as it would be lovely to read them now.

I have saved my parents love letters. I haven’t read them, that feels too intrusive, but I think my daughters might like them .

KeepPumping · Yesterday 17:58

Floogal · Yesterday 17:26

When my granddaughter died, my parents discovered he had a collection of swords. Never had them in view

An old flatmate of mine told me her grandfather kept the ears of enemy soldiers he had killed in Korea or maybe Vietnam can"t remember, not sure it was a lot of ears maybe three pairs or something.I thought that was very weird at the time but later discovered that "trophies" like this are not uncommon.

stayathomegardener · Yesterday 17:59

I found a practice letter written by my mother to my cousin (her nephew) consoling him regarding his new baby who due to birth trauma had (as yet undiagnosed) cerebral palsy. She offered hope as apparently I was pretty delinquent when young but actually turned out ok.

I was sad for myself (undiagnosed adhd or similar) but really hope she didn’t send a final draft to my poor cousin.

Mum is still alive but with advanced dementia, strangely after being pretty toxic for most of my life dementia has rendered her charming which I find almost worse.

Swipe left for the next trending thread