Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

[Dappy777]

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

Our Victorian forbears were expert at this. It was almost a ritual for friends/family to burn selected correspondence to protect the innocent. And not so innocent.

My step Grandad died and shortly after my Aunt passed away. When my Uncle, and his sister cleared out my Aunt's home they found diaries in which she'd written that her step - Dad had been sexually abusing her. She wrote that if she told anyone he'd kill her. It's a good job he died, as if he was alive - it wouldn't be for much longer.

Oh gosh, how awful!

Nothing as bad as that - but when my Mum died I found her adult toy drawer, a notebook where she wrote down awful things about most people she knew (My sister was a spoiled little cow, I was "absolutely useless") and then, in her boiler cupboard, a large amount of empty wine bottles.
She'd been an alcoholic for most of her life, and we all believed that she was completely tee total.

I actually removed the wine bottles and the notebook before my siblings came to the house. I knew it would destroy them.

No. They. Aren’t

My Uncle's diaries written in tiny writing was a mixture: 'Berlin wall went up. Sausages for tea'.

It’s a thing there, apparently - specifically to do with cleaning out your house. “Setting your affairs in order” I would tend to think of writing a will or that sort of thing

FGS at the 'no they are not' comments.

WE KNOW NAMLT!! But why can't you just let it be. Thankfully, I have not suffered any sexual violence or violence of any kind at the hands of a man. But many many have. If you see a comment like 'they are all the same'.. Let it be.

No need for your confirmation of a fact ffs.

Unfair and not true.

I am very sorry this happened to you. Why did you feel you had to protect your mother from this? She should have protected you when you were small. I'm very sorry.

Why are men so disgusting? What is wrong with them?

Not the point of your post but if he’s your mother’s son then he’s your half-brother, not your step-brother.

I’m currently sorting out the house of an elderly relative and I’m shocked to find out what a thief he was. The garage and loft are jam packed with stuff he stole from his previous employer that he retired from 25 years.
It’s the equivalent of someone who worked in an office not just nicking a few envelopes, but 10,000 envelopes, 5000 rolls of sellotape and 500 staplers. God now’s what he intended doing with it all, he certainly couldn’t use it in 20 lifetimes.

The saddest thing I came across when sorting out old correspondence when clearing the family home was a letter of apology written to my grandmother, from a young woman who had not realised that her new suitor was not a single man, as he had claimed, but a married man with three children, of which my mother was the eldest.

when clearing out my mil bungalow,in the bedroom there was a bucket of fermented wee and it stank...strange thing is her bathroom was opposite the bedroom

That’s a good point. Thinking about it, I wonder if that’s why there’s generally been a comparatively strong social and legal framework around marriage. I read recently that it was a crime in the early 1800s for a man to abandon his wife and family with no means of support.

Being a good dad and all the good memories involved would be completely wiped out by the majority of people when finding out their 'beloved' father was a child sex offender.
Most would need counseling to get their head around this i imagine.

Posted on this before. Dad died 20 years after mum who died too young of a smoking related illness. Dad had a girlfriend again in his late 70s. I amd youngest DS cleaning his house out found 13 packets of viagra. All open and partially used on top of a dresser. Youngest son was very impressed and I did not think it was a bad thing to find. It provided some levity iat a gloomy time.

We cleared our PiLs' house when they went into a nursing home and found a chest full of pictures, articles and VHS tapes of Eileen Derbyshire (Emily Bishop) and Anne Kirkbride (Deidre Barlow) of Coronation Street. There must have been thousands of items. It was very weird. There was a letter from Eileen Derbyshire's agent "Reminding" them (the letter was addressed to both PiL) that Ms Derbyshire was unable to meet them personally. DH and I found the whole thing confusing. They'd never even mentioned watching Corrie before, and didn't went DH lived at home.

When we asked them about it, they were absolutely furious that we'd opened the chest. They had asked us to clear the house ready to sell it, so we were not being unreasonable. After this they told us to leave and got a company in to finish the clearing.

The strangest thing is that both of them had pictures of both actresses in their coffins!

Love this!!! The proper reason we need the laughing emoji back 🤣🤣

My husbands grandfather we discovered he had been scammed 3 + times from ladies across sea for large amounts of money , naked polaroids sent , fetish things , then some where he was very mean through letters emails etc.

My dad had folders of porn on his laptop which were all neatly categorised e.g. "Big Bust", "Uniforms" and "Hairy" 😳

My brother deleted everything and did a factory reset type of thing because I was getting the laptop (it was much newer than mine) but I felt a bit funny about it and hardly use it!

My dad was 80 btw and had been ill for a number of years so I don't know why he didn't delete them himself.

My mum didn't have anything awful, thankfully, but she had a drawer full of cards that my brother had either sent her or made for her when he was a child, going back years. None from me at all!

There’s been a couple of things I know of. A friend’s husband died very suddenly and their (adult) son found the evidence of multiple affairs and prostitute use on his phone.

When my granddad died, a whole second family, that he’d left 45 years prior was discovered.

Russell Brand is vile but he is not typical of most of the men I know. I’ve always thought he was gay because he’s so effeminate (or perhaps he is bi and it passed me by?)

Indeed. They usually do that to create a veneer of normality/respectability. I doubt most truly love their partners though - they just view them as tools to accomplish their goal.

She was likely too distraught that her child died in infancy and her brain needed to not mention it. Grief does all sorts. It was her pain. This isn’t a dark secret. It is an awful tragedy