Groomsmen Suit- Who Pays?

[JTyler25]

My husband is going to be a groomsman for a close friend in September. As well as a Best Man, there are five other groomsmen. This morning they went suit shopping- the groom chose the suit shop etc, chose the suit. All the men got measured, tried on the suit the groom liked, and it was decided they’d get that one. Groom then went to pay for all the suits and turned to the others and said “so they’re £240 each, are you okay to transfer me the money this afternoon?” This was the first time money or payment had been mentioned. My husband said he was a bit taken aback, as he hugely assumed the suits would be paid for from the wedding budget. He said all the other men just agreed so he went along and said that was fine.

Now that he’s had time to think about it on the drive back, and discuss it with me, my husband is annoyed and wants to chat with the groom and say this was unexpected and he didn’t imagine he’d have to pay for his own suit. We both agree it’s annoying that the groom chose the suit, it’s not one my husband would pick for himself, yet he still has to pay for it. I agree with him but also feel it’s too late now, he should’ve said something in the moment. He can’t agree to pay and then a couple of hours later call it out and say he doesn’t want to. So I think we need to pay.

At our wedding, we paid for bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits etc. When I’ve been a bridesmaid, the dress has been paid for.

So I’m curious, is this normal? Or is his friend being a bit cheeky expecting them all to pay for their own suit? It’s annoying as it’s just a grey suit, I mean it’s all tailored to fit and will be nice quality. But it’s nothing special. He already has a grey suit, but in a lighter shade.
I think it’s different if the groom just said “wear any grey suit,” as then the groomsmen could wear ones the already own, or buy one much cheaper.

We’ve already paid just under £300 for a hotel for two nights (it’s a three hour drive away so need to stay before and after) and I just feel a bit put out by it. So I just wondered what other people’s experiences of this kind of thing have been? At your wedding, did you pay for grooms suits and bridesmaid dresses? If you’ve been a groomsmen or bridesmaid, did you pay for your own or did the bride and groom pay? I just want to get a general idea of what’s normal really, and what others have done. Thank you!

I think he needs to find out if the others knew first or had expected to pay, he maybe the outlier and something has broken down in communication.

its unusual to buy and not rent, so I suspect some conversation was had on that. If I was him I’d ask the best man, but not in a way it looked like he wanted a free suit for being a groomsman.

DH had this with a (wealthy) brother of his. He was an usher and had to wear tails; he was told which suit chain he could go to and get measured and collect the suit to rent. Only when we rented it did we discover we had to pay. I'm still pissed off not only with the brother, but with DH for refusing to say anything about it

My wedding, I had a best man and two ushers. We all had identical navy blue 3 piece suits. I bought mine as it was a nice suit and I could wear it for other occasions (minus the waistcoat which I would never wear again), the other three were hired. I paid for all of them.

Op can he speak to the best man just drop it into conversation, not in a grabby way, like I was hoping for a free suit sort of thing, but more suits look nice, was surprised we bought not rented? See what he says,

im surprised though if your husband is a close friend he didn’t actually use his words. Thay he didn’t feel he could say oh how come we aren’t renting. Why are we buying, there must have been conversation on it. He can’t just have turned up surprised by it. And he could not have thought he was being gifted a suit.

as said, I think there is a breakdown in communication here, and he’s missed something,

In fact the more I think about it, there is no way 6 blokes turned up at a suit shop to buy suits with no prior discussion, colour, buying v renting etc, so either he’s missed something or someone forgot to tell him, and he didn’t ask.

Why do you think this is so out of the realms of possible?

They probably just arranged to meet at the suit shop at a set time and that was that. Why would they need to discuss anything else prior?

Agree. I think in America, bridesmaids and groomsmen do pay (and for OTT bachelor/ettes too)-how sad that's come over here!
And why not just hire the suits? Especially in these days, when few men wear suits regularly, who wants to buy a suit they didn't pick, for one wedding?

Really, I find that very bizzare. No conversation, no questions, you just turn up, without discussion. I find that odd. And as said, I’ve been bridesmaid 4 times, once there was 7 groomsmen, 7 bridesmaids, I’m also married and I’ve never witness a situation where an instruction is issued and no discussion takes place around the clothes at all.

I don't see why it's bizarre, the conversations can take place in the suit shop. Not much point discussing colours or styles really until you've tried on some suits.

I suspect he hasn't missed any information and can believe this was indeed sprung on him.

Exactly. It’s perfectly fine to wear your own suit but if they don’t want that, they need to pay for it.

It used to be that people had a suit because they wore them for work or at church. Then, when people didn’t they hired them and at at one time it was unrefined to have matching suits as it was a sign that the people in your wedding didn’t own a good enough suit.

@JTyler25 Just tell your dh to call the friend and tell him he can't afford it so cancel his suit. Cheeky fucker (friend)

Ok then we agree to disagree, however I’d prefer the op answer the question, rather than you do so on her behalf. It’s kinda how these things work

and as said, I fully underhand the men you know jist front up in the shop with no conversation, it is simply not my experience or the men in my life.

When our DS got married, we paid for the groom and ushers’ suits, shirts etc.

I agree with you. I think it’s strange that such a big group of individuals would all just roll up at a shop and not a single one of them mentioned money. Nobody said ‘I like this one but the darker one is half the price and as I’m paying for it myself I’d rather we got the cheaper one’ or ‘this is going to cost you a fortune Bob’. Not one of them asked who was paying.

Too late now but he should have said at the time "I can't afford that".

I think the bride and groom should pay for bridesmaids dresses and groomsmen suits. ( and have fewer if needed)
If they want bridesmaid/groomsmen to pay then they need to explain that when they ask them .
It put everyone in an awkward situation i expect others agreed so not to cause a fuss

The bride and groom pay if you’re British. If you can’t afford them you don’t have attendants.

This was yesterday but i'd love to know the outcome.
Did OPs husband contact groom and say 'Sorry i can't afford this on top of the £300 for accommodation' ? I really hope so.

As for the question of how 6 men were all surprised on the day ... maybe they weren't. Maybe only OPs husband hadn't got the memo or paid attention to info previously given.

However, I bet he won't be the only one thinking 'cheeky fuckers - let's just hire the suits!' though 🧐

This trend for treating guests like props at your wedding all dressed up in outfits of someone else's choosing AND expecting them to pay for the privilege is bloody stupid.

What happened to one best man?!

They were called groomsmen when I got married in 1990 - why the anti American pedantry?

Yes, usually the groom pays for the suits.

Over the past couple of years my son has been a groomsman several times as well as having his own groomsman. What happens in his circle is that they all go to get measured, buy the 3 piece suits, and the groomsmen pay a small amount, 40 or 50, towards the cost and the rest is covered by the groom. The groomsmen wear their own white shirt and shoes and the groom supplies the ties.

With bridesmaids the bride pays for all their dresses, shoes, hair etc.

The logic seems to be that the groomsmen will get a whole 3 piece suit for only 40 quid which they can wear again, but bridesmaids are highly unlikely to wear the bridesmaid dress ever again.

We paid for hired suits for best man, two ushers, FofB and FoG. We also paid for the 2 bridesmaids dresses, shoes, make up. I really don't understand why engaged couples these days expect their wedding party to pay for everything themselves.

We paid for the groomsmen’s suits and the bridesmaids dessses. I did not expect them to pay for anything.

Never heard the word groomsmen until American tv. We called them ushers in 1994 😁

I wondered whether the etiquette has come over with the Terminology. I'm anti the trend which happens to be American. That's not the same as being anti-American.