Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

I do not think I am a genuinely happy person

41 replies

ilovejam · 16/04/2026 15:29

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I’ve realised something that feels quite hard to admit out loud… I don’t think I’m actually a happy person.
It’s not that my life is bad. I have two lovely kids and a good, supportive husband. On paper, everything looks as it should. And I do have moments where I laugh or feel okay, even happy for a bit. But it never seems to last, and it never feels deep or settled. It’s more like passing moments rather than something I carry inside me.

I also find myself feeling envious of people who seem genuinely happy. I’ll look at friends or even family and they just seem so content in a way I can’t relate to. And I often think they’d be really shocked if they knew I felt like this, because from the outside I probably seem fine too.
The strange part is, I don’t think I even know what real, consistent happiness feels like. The last time I remember feeling genuinely carefree and properly happy was when I was about 19. Since then, life has just felt… heavier, I suppose. More like I’m getting through things rather than really enjoying them.

I don’t know if this is normal, or if other people feel like this and just don’t say it. Maybe I’ve just lost something along the way, or maybe I never really had it in the first place in the way others seem to.
I’m not even sure what I’m asking, to be honest. I think I just needed to say it somewhere and see if anyone else understands this feeling.

OP posts:
MxCactus · 16/04/2026 17:42

Venusx · 16/04/2026 16:03

I may sound odd but im happy all the time.

What do you do to stay happy @Venusx ? Any tips for the rest of us?

I am similar to OP, kids, DP, I even have a career I'm really passionate about, but I don't seem to stay happy for long.

Venusx · 16/04/2026 18:12

MxCactus · 16/04/2026 17:42

What do you do to stay happy @Venusx ? Any tips for the rest of us?

I am similar to OP, kids, DP, I even have a career I'm really passionate about, but I don't seem to stay happy for long.

Just the way i am.

I did quote op with somesort response (page 1 comment 13) its hard to put in words really.

Like why wait for things to get better before you decide to be happy. ( nightbird).
Life is short not a given and i dont want to be gloomy.

whattheysay · 16/04/2026 18:57

I don’t think anyone really walks around feeling happy all the time, it’s more like feeling contentment and not unhappy.
I certainly don’t feel happy all day but I don’t feel unhappy and generally I feel content. I think being a positive person helps those feelings too.
If someone were to ask me am I happy, I would probably say yes because I don’t feel unhappy. However I think happiness means different things to different people, it’s a feeling and everyone experiences those in different ways.

Feeling flat and empty all the time and wanting to cry might be depression rather than you’re just an unhappy person.

Itsahardknocklifeforus · 16/04/2026 19:33

I can relate OP.

Ive rarely felt content. I had kids much later so had lots of independence, travel, social life and if anything having kids when I was in my late 30s made me yearn more for freedom than I imagine it would if I had never had that freedom.

I had a lonely childhood and I don’t remember being happy even then.
The only time I was content was in my early 20s and I lived in another country and felt the sun on my face every day and a sense of escapism that I can’t explain.

As I was preparing dinner this evening I wondered would it be so awful if I packed my life and my kids up and moved (they are teens so yes it would be awful for them).

Doximama2 · 28/06/2026 14:25

ilovejam · 16/04/2026 15:29

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I’ve realised something that feels quite hard to admit out loud… I don’t think I’m actually a happy person.
It’s not that my life is bad. I have two lovely kids and a good, supportive husband. On paper, everything looks as it should. And I do have moments where I laugh or feel okay, even happy for a bit. But it never seems to last, and it never feels deep or settled. It’s more like passing moments rather than something I carry inside me.

I also find myself feeling envious of people who seem genuinely happy. I’ll look at friends or even family and they just seem so content in a way I can’t relate to. And I often think they’d be really shocked if they knew I felt like this, because from the outside I probably seem fine too.
The strange part is, I don’t think I even know what real, consistent happiness feels like. The last time I remember feeling genuinely carefree and properly happy was when I was about 19. Since then, life has just felt… heavier, I suppose. More like I’m getting through things rather than really enjoying them.

I don’t know if this is normal, or if other people feel like this and just don’t say it. Maybe I’ve just lost something along the way, or maybe I never really had it in the first place in the way others seem to.
I’m not even sure what I’m asking, to be honest. I think I just needed to say it somewhere and see if anyone else understands this feeling.

I can relate to this so much. I am now 56 but have also never been happy. People that look at my life must think I have it all, a lovely husband who is supportive, 2 children - not husbands and 2 lovely grandchildren. I feel I know why though; I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother and I realise that has affected me my whole life and my mood, self confidence etc. I have to help her a lot now / we have always lived close, and I struggle even though there is not much conflict anymore due to her age. I have been on depression medication all my adult life, changed them last year as was going downhilll. I now feel that this is just how I will always be, I wasn’t meant to be a happy person. I envy those who appear to never suffer low mood, who appear to breeze through life. I too dread social occasions and would rather just be home but I do force myself and I do enjoy myself when I do. All my life I have tried different hobbies, jobs etc but never settle on anything. I am very emotional and cry at a drop of a hat, I just feel that this is my lot even though I know I am so so fortunate to have what I do.i think that depression is the worst curse and I feel so sorry for all sufferers as it’s horrible and it’s also very hard for those around us to understand and to cope with, making us feel even worse.

Icanseeasquirrel · 28/06/2026 14:33

Might improve as you get older. Women in their 50-60s are happiest. All the angst goes away and the need to strive and prove.
Discontentment is very human. Very normal. It’s the human condition and pushes us to do more.
Does sound like a job/purpose would be beneficial to you. Is there really no option to do anything?

Waitingfordoggo · 28/06/2026 14:44

I feel like this. Life is a bit of a struggle overall, punctuated by brief moments of real joy (and despair). As PP said- I aim for contentment/peace rather than happiness. One of my biggest problems is anxiety- I am thinking and overthinking and analysing and catastrophising and worrying almost all the time, unless I keep really busy. But when I keep really busy all the time, I get burned out and exhausted. I envy those people who seem to enjoy life most of the time. I don’t have any answers, but I’m considering trying mushrooms- either going on a proper trip to reset my brain, or microdosing. I’m not ready to try that yet and it won’t be for everyone but I feel it’s worth a try.

So I can’t offer any words of wisdom but just want you to know you’re certainly not alone. 💐

JillThePlantKiller · 28/06/2026 14:45

I have to work at it, my default state is a bit miserable, and it always was. I’ve been a worrier as long as I can remember. I had an emotionally volatile parent which may have set the imprint.

Hormones don’t help. I’m in peri now, and the mood shifts are much more noticeable but all my adult life I’ve had at least one day of black depression every month, with a slow drift down over a week or more. Then I feel alright once I get my period, but not brilliant or happy. Just functional.

I’m hopeful that post menopause might be a better time, and all my practice of being cheerful might pay off when I’m not being undermined by biology.

HaveYouFedTheFish · 28/06/2026 14:50

youalright · 16/04/2026 15:38

I think this is normal. Life is made up of happy moments but I don't think people are walking around 24/7 happy.

This.

A lot of people have unrealistic expectations. Life isn't a fairy tale with happily ever after, it's an ongoing serious of peaks, neutral moments and troughs right to the end, and the peaks are the happy bits.

Very few people are actively "happy" all the time, though some people have the ability not to overthink and those people are sometimes more content if things are going generally well, but perhaps less resourceful when they're not.

Pickledonions12 · 28/06/2026 15:08

Your life isn't how you want it to be. Therefore you don't feel happy or content very often. I think that's absolutely reasonable.

Could you find a charity which you're interested in and volunteer? Or do some more studying? Or take up a more involved hobby? Or wfh?

I think you need to challenge yourself out of this 'pit of discontent' which you're in. Make your life work for you

I can only speak for me, but if I were 31 and had been with the same man since age 16, I'd be feeling despairing ......but that is me

Vibe your life up and see how much joy it brings

Piglet89 · 29/06/2026 09:43

I could have written this post. I feel exactly the same.

Malasana · 29/06/2026 10:00

Happiness is just another emotion like sadness, anger etc so you won’t feel
it all the time.
When you aren’t feeling happy, what is your feeling? Is it sadness? If it is you could be depressed. Is there not an Inbetween - the best I can describe it for me is contented calm. That’s my default mood I think when I’m not especially happy or sad etc.

Planesmistakenforstars · 29/06/2026 14:10

I think I can relate to this OP. I have a constant background feeling of sadness, melancholy, discontent. I have always been this way, even as a child. I've come to just accept it as who I am. But then I also feel sad about that. One thing that I wonder is linked, is that it's always struck me when people talk about "living in the moment." I can't. I find that a completely impossible thing to do, mentally. I am just in my head and don't feel able to be carefree, or completely present. I wonder if happy people are in the moment, and if they experience everything in colour as it happens, rather than just on reflection like me.

Tonissister · 29/06/2026 14:24

ilovejam · 16/04/2026 16:33

I wouldn't say sad. Just a flat empty feeling. I don't know how to put it into words. Some days I just want to burst into tears. I think it's just who I am and I hate it

That does sound like a kind of depression. A sort of base line flatness or low mood. There can still be moments of happiness but the base line isn't neutral or content, it's heavy.

There are things you can try to do to lift it.

Strenuous exercise 3 times a week for at least 45 minutes is a good mood booster.

Being out in nature. Even just sitting in a park or by water. Or just opening a window and gazing at the sky or the trees.

Certain foods boost serotonin - walnuts, almonds and other nuts and seeds, blue cheese and other dairy products esp cheese and yoghurt, grapefruit, eggs, salmon and other oily fish, turkey and other lean meats. You could try having at least one or two of these at each meal.

Also try supplements for Vit B complex, Vit D (if you are in a very hot or very cold country you might not be outdoors often enough to process Vitamin D from the sun. Iron too, but use a plant based one so it doesn't cause constipation.

I once had anhedonia - the kind of depression where nothing brings you joy. It's very scary. I cured it by trying something new everyday for a year, Do something you have never done before and keep a record of your reaction to it. A new fruit or veg, a new type of music, new soap scent, new route home from somewhere you often go. You don't have to enjoy any of them, but do keep a record of them, as that makes you pay attention. Also, when you loook back through the diary or private blog, you will see progress, and realise your life has improved.

Bit by bit, increase the effort the new things require - go to a talk, an evening class, a creative workshop. If childcare etc keep you house bound, try online free uni courses, workouts, dance routines. Say yes to things you usually make excuses about. No need to commit to anything more than once but if you enjoy things or they spark interest, keep at them. Pursue those new avenues. I read somewhere that doing new things creates new neural pathways in the brain, and that these can prevent you from looping back to the same low mood (it was ages ago. I forget the science now. But you could look it up.) It was a very fun thing to do, anyway, and made a massive difference at the time.

Another thing that might help is to divide life into 9 equal parts - family, relationship, friends, personal development, fitness and health, spiritual life, community contribution etc. Then do something every week to enhance this aspect of your life. Might be baking or reading with your DC if you don't usually, a date night with your partner etc. The nine aspects can be anything you like, but you are encouraged ot include community contribution as that helps you feel like you belong. That could be helping at school, political or religious group, local charity or community project. Not sure if this will help if you are feeling so flat, but you could combine it with the new things project and see if together they make a difference.

Tonissister · 29/06/2026 14:34

Planesmistakenforstars · 29/06/2026 14:10

I think I can relate to this OP. I have a constant background feeling of sadness, melancholy, discontent. I have always been this way, even as a child. I've come to just accept it as who I am. But then I also feel sad about that. One thing that I wonder is linked, is that it's always struck me when people talk about "living in the moment." I can't. I find that a completely impossible thing to do, mentally. I am just in my head and don't feel able to be carefree, or completely present. I wonder if happy people are in the moment, and if they experience everything in colour as it happens, rather than just on reflection like me.

I think you can practise being in the moment. First by concentrating on describing things in your mind - focus on a flower or a cloud or a dog playing in the park and describe it to yourself: Look how its floppy ears bounce when it chases the ball/look how those petals get paler towards the centre etc.

Then by doing things that feel quite intense in the moment - spicy or sharp or bitter foods, ice cold swims or showers, a funfair ride etc.

Combine the two so you pay attention to small everyday things - the feel of a pet's fur when you stroke it, the sound of your child laughing or chattering on, the feel of sun or wind on your face etc.

It's quite addictive to be in the moment once you get into it.

parachutegirl · 29/06/2026 15:03

I’m exactly the same. I’ve got friends who are such naturally positive people and I’m just the opposite.

I spend way too much time in my own head thinking negative thoughts.

On the surface I try really hard to do all the things you’re meant to for mental health. I eat well, I get out in the fresh air daily, exercise regularly, see friends. It all helps to keep me ticking over in a relatively stable state but I rarely feel “happy”.

Today should’ve been a great day. I’m at the coast, the weather is perfect. Done a fabulous walk with stunning views. Had a tasty lunch out. Yet the whole way round this walk all I could think about is how my husband probably should never have married me because he was just settling for the first girl who came along. I ruined my own day 🤷🏼‍♀️

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread