Is this neglect ?

[Rainbowfish1]

I'm really worried about my niece , age. 4, and don't know if I'm overthinking.
My brother got her mum pregnant after a short relationship, they split shortly after niece was born, he pays maintenance regularly via the CMS but apart from that has little day to day involvement, ( yes I know, DB' s a dick). He's 45 and nieces mum is 25.

-My niece is meant to go to nursery 1-6, 2 afternoons a week during term time, ( nursery stretches funding so this includes holidays). My friend works there and says she's always absent , misses at least one session a fortnight, often more, ( obviously nursery can't enforce attendance as nursery is not legally compulsory). When she is in , session starts at 13:00, but frequently not dropped till 13.30/ 13.45 etc.

• When she's not at nursery, ( and she rarely is !) they go nowhere. Literally nowhere. Nursery is Tuesday and Friday, and between they don't go out at all. Absolutely lovely shared garden and play area in their block of flats but don't go there. They don't leave the house for days on end. Sister in law is addicted to gaming etc and basically happy to stay in.
• Sister-in-law doesn't brush her teeth as "niece doesn't like it ", what 4 year old likes having their teeth brushed...
• Niece is only dressed on nursery days, ( where she does seem to dress her appropriately), she stays in her PJs for days on end otherwise. Whenever I visit on a non nursery day , niece is in her pyjamas, even at 2/3pm. Sister-in-law says what's the point in dressing niece if they are not going out.
• Sister in law is very overweight, basically live off take aways each night, ( only healthy meal she gets is the dinner 2 x a week at nursery).
• The flat is filthy. Five cats in a two bed flat , stinks of cat urine whenever I go round, litter trays always overflowing. Extremely cluttered and no space for niece to play.
• Sister-in-law smokes weed daily, ( she says only when niece is in bed ), but the whole flat stinks of it.

I know the simple answer is to report to soical, but I'm worried they won't do anything and it will just end up withe and my parents being cut off
Does this cross the line to reportable neglect?

As I said in my post, I have put my own time, money and effort into a similar situation.

Im amazed how many people wouldn’t help a family member, especially a child they say they love. People think the state has more of a responsibility towards a child, than that child’s own family.

Maybe she just needs a lot of support via hv
Was hv involved before?
hv covers to age five
can refer to parenting courses etc
and ss

Your brother is a twat

It’s true though. OP and her family should be helping to support the little girl and her mum - she is their family after all. This little girl is their niece and granddaughter - why on earth would you not try to help out instead of reporting to SS? Just because OP’s brother is a fuck up, doesn’t mean the girl shouldn’t have her auntie and grandma around.
As an aside, I find the whole thread quite bizarre anyway. But if this is all true, then surely try to support girl and mum first and foremost?

You know she could just be lazy, right? Not everything is neurodivergence. I have ADHD but also my kids got to nursery everyday and the litter trays get emptied b

I knew somebody (usually with ADHD who doesn’t actually take in the key message because they are impulsive) would respond with their take based on their world.
you missed the whole part where I explained severity of executive functioning. I spent ages doing it to avoid situations like this.
ADHD is a spectrum. Just as we have autistic people who are non-speaking, and autistic people who are high-functioning and can do public speaking, we have ADHDers on a MASSIVE spectrum.

Not everything is ADHD but it is a possibilty. Anyway, there's a few different types of ADHD and they don't present the same in everyone.

Totally agree I too worked work SS supervising contact with parents and I know that SS will do all they can to keep children with parents as long as the parents are willing to cooperate

report brother for being a shit parent. He is 45 and needs to step. £300 a month is peanuts.
I would also report mother - it sounds as though the child is living in squalor poor thing.

Yes it is neglectful behaviour .. speak to your sister in law about your concerns .
Could you take your niece a couple of times a week or your parents.
Take her out let her sleep over its such a shame she goes nowhere not even to the park for fresh air.
If nothing changes you made need to tell social services but tell her and your dick of a brother you are doing it .
Little niece is the most important person here .. not them they need shaming into action.

Absolutely 100 percent report,poor kid,should be mixing with others,and having fun.and if the cats are or look skinny and malnourished report to rspca

Does she know you're meant to scoop to cat poo into the toilet as soon as they do it?!

Does she know teeth brushing is not negotiable?

Being in pjs some days if not going out is alright. But she should at least take her to the communal garden or park if weather is acceptable.

The filthy home is not ok. If it really is dirty to the point of biohazard.

As you say, nursery isn't a legal obligation and as long as she's not going out to work or leaving the child unattended then I don't think that would be seen as neglect in isolation.

Yeah it sounds bad overall though. But idk if SS would take it as high enough of a threshold.

Exactly

If I was in your position I would be doing my utmost to help and take on some of the role of your useless brother. Can you or your parents have her overnight one night a week? Can you help her clean her flat? Can you or your parents take her out so she gets to exercise go the park etc. your SIL could possibly be depressed.
i guess the social could be called, I’m thinking all they would do is put support in place for her which she clearly needs anyway.

This is neglect. ‘Helping out’’ is not what is needed. A report to social services is what’s needed because they are the ones who can involve appropriate support services, properly monitor and support the child. The mum is not the priority, the child is and SS will work with mum to that end. What l find bizarre is so many posters pretzeling themselves to make excuses not to report to child services when that is what they’re there for.

Mum is smoking weed and gaming all day while the flat gets into a state. The child is not attending nursery and is not being dressed unless they are going out. It’s neglect.

The things about the nursery wouldn’t signal neglect to me, lazy yes but not neglect. The teeth brushing , yes that is and the food thing too but those alone I would think yes bad parenting not necessarily a social services report . However, the cats and the house and especially the smoking weed yes . When you combine them with the other things ( nursery , teeth brushing , takeaways ) altogether paints a big picture of neglect.

It could be that she loves her child but has slipped into not coping too well , and with support and someone “ on her back “ could be sorted out. It could be worse that would get discovered during an investigation.

Its a common phrase but one I wholeheartedly believe in - Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility.

Yes it's neglect . Could you or your mum not help with support of any kind? You need to report ,you should be able to do it anonymously. Your friends job is at risk for telling you the things shes told you to be honest, she shouldn't be discussing the children outside of a work setting and with colleagues

Have you offered to help? Take niece out for the day? Being a single parent is overwhelming and having that responsibility is probably taking its toll on her Mum, most co-parents do get a little break but as your brother is also neglecting his daughter perhaps Mum would do better with some child free time?

While this living situation is horrible for your niece, standards are so low I doubt social workers will care/do anything. Your brother is scum and I’d have cut mine off for this behaviour. Your friend has also behaved horribly and could be sacked for sharing confidential information. Hopefully you/your parents can step up and spend more time with DN taking her out and role modeling healthier lifestyles.

The pyjamas are OK as long as it's not the same ones night and day and next night without changing...why it might be we don't know.
The nursery stuff your mate should not be telling you! That is misconduct on their part.

But the rest combined yes you should report it.
The cracks will really show come September when she starts school unless she has a big turnaround and then school safeguarding will be involved too.

That poor little girl. Trapped inside and ignored so her mum can play video games and people here are excusing it as ADHD 😬 goodness me. Report this immediately, it is neglect on so many levels. It will affect this little girl heavily.

Also, dont force your brother to be a parent. She already has one half-arsed parent, she doesn't need another. He sounds awful. Though he should be held accountable for being so passive in letting this happen.

A child i knew in that bad situation was reprted by nursery to social services. The poor child needs help. Perhaps you can do an anonymous reprtand mention nursery name.

Yeah I certainly hope they see it that way.

Not mother of the year but apart from the weed use, not enough to trigger intervention if the child is fed, clothed, taken to nursery most of the time, etc. Also especially a bit of a cheek if you to report her when it does sound like your DB doesn’t step up anyway. Maybe tell him to do more and be less of a wanker than attack the mother? Also if she doesn’t go out much, she will likely know you reported her…