Choosing a sunflower lanyard and card for an autistic child

[elliejjtiny]

Dh and I have been discussing this on and off for years and we've agreed that it's time to get our 11 year old a sunflower lanyard. But now I've looked and there are so many choices with different prices. I don't know where to start. Mil has given us her one but it's just the lanyard, it doesn't have a card on the end. I've got a load of the little plastic wallet things I can put on it. None of the cards I've seen online seem to match ds's needs but if I make my own will it be officially recognised? Do they still do the free ones in Tesco? Are the ones with Tesco stamped on them valid in other places? I'm completely clueless.

We want one to explain that he has autism as his behaviour is becoming more and more different from his peers as he gets older. His brothers are getting more embarrassed by his behaviour in public. So I thought if he was wearing a lanyard people would know he was disabled rather than think he was just extremely weird.

Who would you like to recognise it?
I'm not sure there's any legal basis for the content of the card being recognised. You kind of just have to hope people are decent.
I wear mine without a card because I don't really want to disclose specific disability-related impairments as it sometimes ends up making me more vulnerable if I do that.

I think making your own is fine though.
The ones with tesco on are recognised in other places, yes. Airports have them too.

What’s it for? Nobody can read a card on a lanyard so anyone who needed that information would be told it by you surely?

Im not a fan of lanyards for children tbh, autistic children often stand out enough and not a single person sees a lanyard and changes their mindset. I don’t need to see a lanyard to not be a judgy cunt, and people who do won’t change their opinion because they see one anyway.

To be honest, most people just look at the sunflowers on the bit that goes around your neck.

I work at an attraction and I would never peer closely at someone's lanyard and try to read it while it's dangling from their neck.

Plus my eyesight isn't great anyway.

Just write what you want it to say with a felt tip pen on some paper and put it in. Nobody is going to officially recognise it. But if your child is buying something in Tesco he can show get staff a card saying whatever it says which would presumably be helpful.

I just bought a couple of the cards and asked DS which one he preferred. I don't think anyone really has time to read it so the most important thing is that it says what he is comfortable for it to say.

My son chose this one which seems pretty uncontroversial to me. I don't think anyone else has ever looked at it in detail though https://ebay.us/m/qZb5di .

He has found it useful in airports now he's at an age where they can pull him aside and ask him about his suitcase at customs without automatically involving us parents, or in busy places as a visual signal why he is not removing his noise cancelling headphones to talk to people.

I agree. I just note the sunflower lanyard. I'm not sure if I even realised there might be relevant text on any card attached to the lanyard.

Is your son able to express an opinion about it? If it helps him its great, but I wouldn't be keen on my son wearing one or sharing his id publicly on a lanyard just to help with his siblings embarrassment.

If he wants one too, he could weigh the lanyard down with a keyring fidget toy (which is an autism beacon in itself) or if you really want a card there are a few card schemes listed here:

https://www.npaa.org.uk/alert-card-schemes/

You could also use something like the nimbus access pass if you have one I suppose.

DD has one (older teen) but only the lanyard, not the card. She is completely independent but chose to get oner for situations where a sudden change could cause distress.

She takes it with her mainly on public transport, airport or where she may has to wait long and wouldn't be in control.

May I ask what is the process for example when your son does not remove his headphones at check in at the airport? Do they give him instructions in other ways besides verbal?

A sunflower lanyard should be recognised anywhere regardless of if it has store on it, you should be able to pick up a free one in variety of stores (I got mine in M&S) but you can also order them from the website. I chose not to have a card but the lanyard alone should be enough to be at least be offered assistance.

I do agree than sticking a lanyard on him just to help his brothers' embarrassment doesn't sound the best reason.

To answer your question there is no official recognition, write what you like on it, but keep in mind you are literally putting this label on your child so make it about him and his needs, not his behaviours. You don't need to write "may do x". By the time anyone has stopped and loomed over him close enough to read it (unlikely) he'd have had time to do the thing anyway.

Adding a fidget, toy or chew is a great idea if he likes them.

Gently, OP, you are massively overthinking this. Sunflower lanyards are totally unregulated and there is no official status to them. My DS has one - I've put his Nimbus card in the holder as it was a convenient place to put it and the lanyard itself was freely available in return for a donation from a box at Center Parcs.

I use a sunflower lanyard for DH who has dementia. It has been useful when travelling it events. Staff at airports respond better and public awareness is quite high so if.he behaves unusually, they understand why. Worth having IME.

He turns his music off so he can still hear direct instructions. We just say he can hear you, please just talk to him normally.

I can't really remember, I think he's taken them off for the metal detectors but they have been really good at getting back to him quickly and then talking to him once they're back on.

The info cards are helpful to give to people if they witness a meltdown or are being judgemental. Just hand over a card and walk away.
The NAS have packs of them or you can download them. You can make your own.
When we took groups out from our Special school we had laminated cards with the school logo, a message from the Head and school phone number should they wish to discuss anything.

Most people don’t bother to read the lanyard. The purpose of them isn’t to reduce embarrassment of family members, it’s so that people help your son should they need to. anyone who is judging your son, will still do so wether he wears a lanyard or not. It shouldn’t be the case but it is. I used to think the lanyards were a find thing but I’ve seen a shift in recent years where they can make someone a target to they type of person who thinks it’s ok to judge and stare.

I’m not saying don’t get one, but if the reason you’re getting one is because you think it’ll make a difference to how judgemental people will perceive your son or to help his siblings not be embarrassed, it won’t help.

I don’t use mine anymore because I’ve seen a shift in recent years where everyone just assumes they’re to signify the wearer has autism and people seem to totally adjust the way they’re talking to me when they spot it and speak to me like I’m a child and then revert back to their normal speaking when I show them my lanyard is worn because of physical issues. I’ve had older kids harrass me in the supermarket etc and that never happened before, the ND kids in my family who need them, don’t actually wear them, the carer with them does when it comes to airports or theme parks etc.

How does your child feel about having a signifier to strangers? Has his siblings ever had any type of therapy or support for coping and managing the embarrassment?

The lanyards lost the majority of their meaning when they where abused so much during covid

How about an Access Card? The symbols show difficulties (and are accepted at many places for eg essential companion, virtual or no queues etc)

Why difference would that make to passers by though?

I put nimbus card one side, and a couple of other access cards in pouch (specific to my region)

You can get autism ones here
https://hdsunflower.com/uk/

I didn't as my daughter is very private

They're not particularly helpful. My friend has one following a concussion injury. People wear them for all sorts of reasons.

Exactly this mine both have seizures anyway so it would be a strangulation risk if they do have a seizure.

Thankyou. Everyone who meets him soon knows he is autistic because he will go up to random strangers and say "hello, I'm X and I'm autistic". Obviously I won't let him do that to people I don't know/trust but he will say it to someone like the GP receptionist. And when he is at school I am not there to stop him so he will do it to everyone which my year 10 child finds extremely embarrassing.

Ds would like a lanyard because he has seen other people with them. He sees autism as some kind of exclusive club rather than a disability. He gets very excited when he sees someone with a lanyard because he thinks they are more likely to be friends with him.

Just wanted to say that your ds sounds awesome!

Suspect the Y10 sibling will grow out of the embarrassment phase. If it weren't this that sibling finds cringeworthy then it would be something else.

We've never bothered with the subflower lanyards after local taxi drivers all bought them during Covid to get out of having to wear masks