Choosing a sunflower lanyard and card for an autistic child

[elliejjtiny]

Dh and I have been discussing this on and off for years and we've agreed that it's time to get our 11 year old a sunflower lanyard. But now I've looked and there are so many choices with different prices. I don't know where to start. Mil has given us her one but it's just the lanyard, it doesn't have a card on the end. I've got a load of the little plastic wallet things I can put on it. None of the cards I've seen online seem to match ds's needs but if I make my own will it be officially recognised? Do they still do the free ones in Tesco? Are the ones with Tesco stamped on them valid in other places? I'm completely clueless.

We want one to explain that he has autism as his behaviour is becoming more and more different from his peers as he gets older. His brothers are getting more embarrassed by his behaviour in public. So I thought if he was wearing a lanyard people would know he was disabled rather than think he was just extremely weird.

You can get the lanyards from amazon and lots of places online. There is no official scheme and anyone can buy them. I'm not a fan of adding a card naming the condition the person has. Firstly it feels a bit too close to the sort of thing that has been carried out in the past by some pretty shady regimes. Secondly, it doesn't actually say what supports are needed, just lists what society perceives to be "wrong" about them.

I love that your son is confident enough to explain to people 🙂

We use the sunflower land yard at airports etc but I’d be concerned ds using one generally as it could make him appear vulnerable (which he is) we have an autism spectrum card from our local council that explains difficulties he may have

I put DC's access card in and printed my own card for the other side with large print "I have autism" then smaller print with more details, including my phone number (DC was a runner at the time). We only ever used it going through airport, but a far as I can tell non of the cards are officially recognised, it's all discretionary and base on good will, so it doesn't really matter.

It's lovely that he is so positive but when you're talking about it, include that some people wear them because they need extra space. Unfortunately it's not a marker of someone who can give him what he needs in making friends with him. It's still fun to spot people who might be like him - DS used to love seeing kids in ear defenders when he was little - but I'd strongly steer him away from striking up conversations with people with lanyards on the basis they are probably handling enough already.

No view on the lanyard but please look at counselling for your other chd(ren?) so they can work through their feelings about this. By the time I was in year ten I was well past the embarrassment stage and into the “fighting their corner” stage. I’m not saying it’s not a normal thing but with maturity should come greater empathy and maybe part of that is working through their feelings in therapy. The charity Sibs is also brilliant.

Your autistic boy deserves siblings who will back him, and your other children deserve an outlet for their difficult feelings.

@elliejjtiny i think your son sounds ace and I’d very much encourage thinking of autism as a superpower abc he’s part of an exclusive club. I appreciate there are challenges but autistic people think differently, and i think we’re only just starting to really appreciate how to harness this.

Slightly off topic, but your other children will be deemed to qualify as young carers - this could give them access to support. Check out what is available locally via your carers network.

The lanyards are being recognised less and less now due to too many people having them when not required!
People buy them from the internet and they don’t need them

But why? What does anyone get from wearing a lanyard, particularly if they don’t have a disability, that’s just weird.

My MIL used to wear one without a card or anything because she has asthma. She said it was to show people she was exempt from wearing a mask. I told her there was a blue lanyard for people to show they were mask exempt but she wouldn't listen.

But she can wear a lanyard with asthma if she wants?

Thankyou. Someone at a special needs event told ds they were autistic too which made his day. He seems to understand that you can be sensory seeking or sensory avoidant when you are autistic so if he approaches another child who is wearing a lanyard he will add "do you like hugs like me?" after he has asked them if they have autism.

School have been really good with my 15 year old. His friends have been good too but there are a few boys in his year who will come up to him and tell him his brother is weird. My 15 year old's best friend will usually say something about that being discrimination and a hate crime and he will encourage ds to tell a teacher. Ds is fiercely protective of his younger brother despite finding him embarrassing. The local young carer group stopped some years ago but I will ask around and see if there is any other support available.

I bought these as I’m ND with an autistic DP.

I make sure my DP wears the wristband and badge at all times because despite being in his 40’s he is very naive and trusting which makes him vulnerable and he struggles with having poor social skills and no filter.
He often has issues at work or somewhere like the doctors or dentist with following instructions or processing information and I find people are more patient and understanding when they spot the sunflower symbol.

I have my own challenges and think it helps for people to know I have a hidden disability.

These aren’t as common or as abused as the lanyards and more subtle but I have found they do get noticed and people have been very kind after noticing them.

I’m autistic and my DC are autistic.

It’s great that your DS views his neurodivergence positively.

However, the sunflower lanyard is often used by ND people/children who want space. That means that they might not want to be approached and may find it very hard to be asked by a stranger “do you like hugs?”

Not every ND person or child is able to confidently assert their preference and even being randomly approached can be distressing. There are others who become situationally mute and would feel upset with themselves for being unable to answer the question.

I’m absolutely not trying to piss on your DS’ parade but there’s so much more to autism than simply being sensory seeking or avoidant. It’s not fair to allow your child to approach others who are wearing the sunflower lanyard, no matter how excited he is at the thought of meeting others who are similar.

Does he go to mainstream or special school? Are there any activity groups to you locally for SEN children where he could socialise with other ND children? It sounds as if he’d get a lot from that.

Can you involve him in choosing the one he likes, then?

That's so good to hear.

We travel abroad annually and DS1 has a lanyard. We have been so impressed with staff all over the world at airports. They really do seem to clock it, and to pay attention. This is travelling in Australia, Greece, Germany, France, Cyprus. Staff at Heathrow and Gatwick every time have been really outstanding. We might be directed to a smaller queue or whatever but without fail there has been extra care shown. So from my experience, whatever training is out there has really been effective.

The sunflower lanyard juar means hidden disabilities I thought? Which asthma is?

It’s supposed to be the international symbol for hidden disability.

I have very little hearing. Recently I turned to find a woman screaming ‘get out of the fucking way - I asked you twice !’

I stopped dead in front of her and showed her the lanyard and explained I wasn’t ignoring her but hadn’t heard etc.

She went purple and tried to slink off so I caught up and said ‘did you understand what I said?’

Then at last she apologised.

I was so glad to see these come out and I promote them (by wearing) whenever I can.

People with deafness often have lives filled with abuse from people who think the deaf person has ‘dissed’ them or is snobby or ignorant and I for one am absofuckinglutely fed up with it.

When I worked with teens, one week my boss tried an experiment as said hold up the institutional lanyard and a sunflower one and see which one they want. 90% of them wanted the sunflower one! I thought it was an interesting experiment.

I have 3 DDs with SN. I would say that the sunflower lanyard is useful for DD2 and DD3, but unnecessary for DD1.

The sunflower lanyard is a symbol of hidden disability. It is intended to flag that despite ordinary appearance, the wearer needs something additional or different to other people.

DD1 (20) is obviously disabled. I think she was probably 8 or so when I stopped needing to explain that she had SN when her behaviour deteriorated. People clocked it immediately when she walked into a room. She was a very slight child, so between 3 and 7, they thought she was either younger, or just having a tantrum, and until 3 they just saw her as a naughty toddler. She now uses a wheelchair for the outdoors, so again, it flags her disability.

DD2 (18) has ASD, inattentive ADHD, and an expressive language disorder. I would say the sunflower lanyard is really beneficial to her. She is obviously autistic to people who understand autism, and when she speaks I can see a level of recognition in others that she finds it hard to talk. But the lanyard just adds a bit of certainty.

DD3 has ASD, OCD and ADHD. The sunflower lanyard is useful in busy places where she gets more overwhelmed, but not necessary for familiar environments.

@elliejjtiny get any lanyard you want, but the likelihood is that people will see the ASD regardless.

I ordered this one you can edit everything to suit the card is good quality we’ve had it for a year and no issues. www.zazzle.co.uk/hidden_disability_medical_alert_lanyard_ice_id_badge-256113487980679619

Hi OP - lanyards are fast becoming meaningless in all but a few specific situations, like air travel or perhaps negotiating a long train journey. One reason being, that people like to identify into a 'tribe' and in order for others to recognise this, they need an identifier. I do get that, actually - but the sunflower lanyard used to be intended as a universal signifier that this person had a perhaps less visible disability which meant they might need extra space/processing time/extra understanding/assistance/etc and might not be able to tell officials or other members of the public.

Now, when so many people wear them (though I've noticed a bit of a fall-off in the last couple of years) they're just part of the scenery.

I would encourage your DS not to think of his autism as being part of a 'special club'. It's part of his neurological make-up and probably informs his personality, but it isn't his whole self and he probably shouldn't be encouraged to think that it's in some way special or exclusive. It just is, like his hair colour. (Yes, I am being disingenuous. Of COURSE it's a bit more than that, and of course many autists view their autism as absolutely integral to themselves, but if your son's reasonably functioning and able to initiate conversations with people then I think he needs to be viewed not just through the lens of autism.)

Look, lanyards are there to perform a function - in specific settings, to allow others, mostly officials who can help, to be aware of a condition (not always autism!) that might need assistance or extra understanding. This obviously depends on the level of personal understanding, tolerance and training any individual has, so don't expect miracles there. Lanyards are NOT meant as a badge of honour or identity. I bloody well wish they'd stop being used as such because it makes them so ubiquitous that they've all but lost their meaning and use.

Anyway yes, I believe Tesco still give them out free. And airports. And probably most large city train stations. Don't waste your money on one that someone is selling and that looks a bit different - what on earth would be the point in a lanyard aimed at quickly indicating to others a less visible disability, if it looks different??

Oh and you don't need a card at the end. What would it say??

Not sure if this is helpful but my BIL has a lanyard and he just keeps his bus pass on the end of it. He’s never (to my knowledge) needed an info card or anything, as the lanyard itself seems to work adequately. Though he only wears it when he’s alone, so it’s possible he may just not have mentioned things.

I work in customer service and would only ever look at the lanyard not the card and would advise to definitely get the green one with yellow sunflowers, as that is the most instantly recognised. the card/details would only ever be used in an emergency and you needed to be contacted.

You could also get a JAM card and badge to put on the lanyard. It’s not as recognised but some companies employees, like me, have had extra training.
www.jamcard.org

I sympathise- my adult daughter has absences and people think she is staring at them. I can't believe how abusive some people are - one particularly nasty experience was with a mum with two small kids in a cafe in Kew Gardens. Queues are the worst.