Toddler awake for hours overnight, don't know what to do any more

[Tuinton]

My 20 month old has no issues going to bed at all, settles by himself around 7.30 and sleeps a decent chunk. He naps around 90 minutes and I always wake him by 2. He has previously slept through really well. However for about the past month he's been waking between 1 and 3 and remaining awake for 1+ hours. He woke at 3am this morning and it's nearly 6am and he's only just gone back to sleep. I'm at my wits end. I've tried longer naps, shorter naps, earlier bedtimes, later bedtimes. He has a dark room, he has white noise, he's eating plenty, he's warm enough, I've given meds in case it's teething related, he has a comforter and water. If I try to bring him in bed with us he gets hysterical. Most of the advice I can find for this age relates to bedtime battles rather than overnight wakes which isn't relevant to us as we don't ever have an issue at bedtime.

I'm really at the end of my tether from lack of sleep and don't know what to do any more.

Really feel for you, both my kids did this and it’s torture, with mine it went on for months and it destroyed me. The only advice I have is to stop trying to find ways to fix it, just accept it’s happening and do whatever you can to get sleep. I ended up putting a mattress on the floor in their rooms or taking them in bed with me just so I was comfortable but there was literally nothing I could do to make them sleep. I tore my hair out trying to ‘fix it’ but with both of them, one day it just stopped. I think it’s all developmental and honestly if I had my time again I wouldn’t sweat it I would just do whatever it takes to get sleep and get in a mindset where you can just accept it is what it is and eventually it will stop.

it’s horrendous I hope it doesn’t last long for you x

I'm having the same problem OP

Following for any advice!

It's not what you want to hear but he might need to drop the nap. Our dc1 had dropped hers by then. It's younger than average but all kids are different, some have low sleep needs

We tried that, made it worse.

whatever you change you have to change it for a few weeks to see any result. You can’t just try it once. I’d cut the nap to 1 hour; then keep cutting it down: mine is 18 months and we always wake after an hour; often she wakes after 45 mins anyway.

We did!!

DC3 went through this phase and it was torture. Like the pp the only thing we could do was just roll with it. We had him in our room, gave him a book to ”read” or some soft toys (nothing loud) and just tried to doze while he did thing.

Yes I'll have to just sit in his room. The thing is he isn't happy and awake and playing, he's clearly crying and rubbing his eyes.

All 3 of mine did this. Apparently waking them up early can solve the issue, so don't let him have a lie-in. Unfortunately it didn't work with mine. The waking stopped by itself after a few months.

It’s horrible because you know they’re tired but they just cannot sleep! Mine were wired, and fidgety! Worth trying magnesium, made no difference for mine but know some that did. I definitely had nights where I gave in and gave them the iPad, awful idea but I was so so desperate I remember waking up having no idea what time they’d fallen asleep cos I’d fallen asleep and left them to it! You could also try a weighted blanket, mine are 3&4 now and still not great at sleep but weighted blankets have helped

What are you doing during the awake time? Offering milk? Cuddling? Ignoring? Or is he unhappy whatever you do?

I usually leave for 5 mins to see if he settles by himself (which he will occasionally), and if not I go in. I wouldn't offer milk at this age, it took me AGES to wean him off the boob so I'm not about to reintroduce that habit.

Room is always kept dark and by and large he's kept in his cot. I pick up to soothe if he's really hysterical.

Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s book helped me in this situation. I went to his room and had minimal interaction, lights very low, and basically folded clothes until he nodded off again. It started out with a lot of pretend folding but after a couple of weeks he was sleeping through.

@Tuinton Sending lots of support - mine went through a phase the same and it really was torture. My husband works away for weeks at a time so I was awake most nights from about 2am and by the time DS was back down to sleep I’d have about 40 mins before my alarm went for work so there was no way I was getting back to sleep. It was horrible.

I would consistently try cutting his nap to 45 mins and then bring his bedtime slightly earlier. Just a warning though - after mine went through this phase, he suddenly stopped napping completely. He hasn’t napped at since about 21/22 months.

Teeth coming through? Pain?
Weetabix before bed this kept mine asleep
how’s the nappy? I had one child a spot of wetness would wake up.
the right temperature (not cold feet or too hot)
A sippy cup of water to help themselves back to sleep (don’t give any milk as they will wake up every night for milk)

Hopefully it’s just a phase and a teddy in their arms to cuddle to fall back asleep.

We did this too! It worked. Also cut nap to 1hr and it takes a few weeks to adjust so wont happen immediately.

I will try this!!!

He has got teeth cutting but meds don't seem to make a difference. He eats like an absolute horse so I don't think he's hungry.

As you can see by my user name.. we also had this issue! You will be relieved to know it did just stop. It is awful at the time, but it will pass 🙏

Has he started talking? Or some other new development? My son often has bad sleep around when he learns something new. Their brains are very busy!

I remember this stage with my terribly sleeping Ds (he is 8 now, so I survived!) I really feel for you.

One tip I was given was to wake him earlier than the time he's currently waking. So for you to go in at midnight, wake him a bit, say hello, give him a cuddle and put him back to sleep. Worth a try? From memory that was hit and miss for us!

In honesty ,we did just find ours needed less sleep and all we were doing was moving a set number of hours sleep around. So very early on we dropped all naps and it all ended but he did get up at 4 for a year. Nearly killed me. He's now 8 and sleeps through 9 to 530/6 which is on paper not enough sleep for an 8 year old but he's fine on it. He does have ADHD so it is maybe not helpful to use him as an example.

can you leave him longer than five minutes to resettle or is he crying the whole time? Sometimes mine will roll around for half an hour babbling but then go back to sleep

How many hours is he asleep in total across the whole day op? What time does he wake for the day after the split night? Does he go to nursery and if so are you sure they are honest about the amount of day sleep he is getting?

Maybe an hour 20 at most? I always wake him, I think he would nap for ages otherwise but if I left him do that he's even worse. He's the same at nursery and I trust them.

I wake him at 7 regardless to keep wake times consistent.

I resolved this with my son by giving him a dream feed 30mins before due to wake up ie in your case at 2.30am. Just a bit of watery formula to encourage him to stay sleepy and sleep through. Once he got out of the habit of waking up I reduced formula to water and then reduced amount of water. Only took a few days.,

I don't go in if he's just whining or chatting, only if he's full on crying. Which he usually is sadly. And if you leave him he just escalates.