Toddler awake for hours overnight, don't know what to do any more

[Tuinton]

My 20 month old has no issues going to bed at all, settles by himself around 7.30 and sleeps a decent chunk. He naps around 90 minutes and I always wake him by 2. He has previously slept through really well. However for about the past month he's been waking between 1 and 3 and remaining awake for 1+ hours. He woke at 3am this morning and it's nearly 6am and he's only just gone back to sleep. I'm at my wits end. I've tried longer naps, shorter naps, earlier bedtimes, later bedtimes. He has a dark room, he has white noise, he's eating plenty, he's warm enough, I've given meds in case it's teething related, he has a comforter and water. If I try to bring him in bed with us he gets hysterical. Most of the advice I can find for this age relates to bedtime battles rather than overnight wakes which isn't relevant to us as we don't ever have an issue at bedtime.

I'm really at the end of my tether from lack of sleep and don't know what to do any more.

TBF I don't think my sanity could cope with a 9.45 bedtime, it would kill me to not have an evening.

Both my DC did this too. It will end! I think it took them a few weeks to get through. It is so awful at the time but won't be forever.

I think I will persevere with the routine we have for a few more weeks and hope it passes. Thanks for all the solidarity ♥️

He is choosing not to take a bottle when he is awake - when you dream feed a baby they are asleep and it’s a reflex action on their part when you touch their lip with a bottle teat to start to suck.

I really don't want to introduce a dream feed to a nearly 2 year old who eats like a fully grown adult during the day.

Apart from anything else it would be terrible for his teeth.

I think if you wean off breastfeeding before 2yo it's best to introduce some other milk-type drink eg full fat cows' milk. Maybe he's just hungry/craving milk? My 2yo still has breastfeeds in the night.

When my dd was terrible at sleeping, sometimes people said don't do xyz (eg night feeds) because it "creates a rod for your back" but the point is you've already got a terrible rod for your back with the split nights! So it's like, choose your hard

I'd cut the nap to 45 minutes and push bedtime to 8pm.

Or, cut the nap out entirely.

That's literally a terrible idea. Not to mention very outdated and something only an adult of an elderly age might churn out. Sleep breeds Sleep at that age, and for development purposes alone it is far too young to ditch the nap.

Awful advice.

I watched a program about a girl that wasn’t going off to sleep until 1.30am. They suggested putting her to bed with her natural body clock and gradually making it earlier each night. So she was having a bath at gone 12 pm and they gradually reduced the time each night.

There's zero evidence that 'sleep breeds sleep', especially after the baby stage. Children who sleep more in the day time sleep less and worse at night.
You seem to have some outdated ideas.
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25691291/

Where is the evidence for this? Even the NHS says they don't need to drink milk after 12 months as long as they're getting dairy from other sources (which he is).

We night weaned months and months ago, and he was sleeping through no bother.

As he won't take milk as a drink, what would you suggest I do? Force it into him?

From the NHS on milk feeds after 12 months:

Try to give your child at least 350ml (12oz) of milk a day, or 2 servings of foods made from milk, such as cheese, yoghurt or fromage frais. Full-fat cheese, yoghurt and fromage frais are recommended up to the age of 2.

He has two enormous bowls of greek yoghurt a day, plus cheese daily.

Really sympathise with you OP my one does this and they are nearly 4 (she is ND though so a bit diff and I presume thats why) She sleeps through for maybe 8 weeks then back to months of waking up at 3am for hours.

The best solution we have now as she doesn’t nap is bed at 6, she wakes up about 10/11 pm we get her up for an hour, cuddle and listen to music,and then she goes back to bed and sleeps till about 7/8 / not ideal by any means but we get unbroken sleep and we can just about function. When we leave her in bed as she doesn’t often cry we find she stays awake longer.

I wouldn't drop the nap as counter intuitively date time naps help with nighttime sleep.

They go through growth phases & learn new skills, this can cause night time waking.

Don't make it too much fun, but also don't be cross, just be as neutral as possible & he'll stop doing it as suddenly as he started

Is it every night? Could you slink into bed with him when you go and maybe he would stay asleep? We had to do this for a bit with my eldest - we took it in turns to have the big bed to ourselves (if you have someone to take turns with). It's awful though being up when you just want to sleep and it's sounding like you've tried everything x

20 months is still a baby. People want to bypass the baby stage in super quick time for convenience sake, but the facts are 20 months is not a proper child yet!

Sadly he will not sleep in bed with us!

I assure you I have no desire to bypass the baby stage, it's simply when I let him nap for 2 hours plus, he's up for 4 hours in the middle of the night, which isn't good for him apart from anything else.

def don’t offer cows milk or any drink in the night apart from water. It’s bad dentally. I night weaned from BF recently (18 months), didnt offer anything else. I’d cut the nap or keep it really short, and hope it passes soon! “Sleep breeds sleep” is a ridiculous notion with no evidence. It’s really hard i know but I’d be keeping a consistent morning wake time like to by 7am. Even if he’s barely been back to sleep. If you let him compensate in the morning it will reinforce the night wake.

Don't worry, I definitely won't be doing this - he's not had milk at night since he turned one. He has a cup of water in his cot so can help himself if he's thirsty overnight.

We do keep a consistent wake time, painful as it is!

I was wondering if you'd tried going in when he was already asleep but i guessed you probably had!

One thing - does he mouth breathe or do his lips rest closed? Does he snore? Does he have bad breath in the morning? Tonsillitis? Nasal congestion outside of normal colds?

No to all this! Unless he has a cold, which he doesn't right now.