Toddler awake for hours overnight, don't know what to do any more

[Tuinton]

My 20 month old has no issues going to bed at all, settles by himself around 7.30 and sleeps a decent chunk. He naps around 90 minutes and I always wake him by 2. He has previously slept through really well. However for about the past month he's been waking between 1 and 3 and remaining awake for 1+ hours. He woke at 3am this morning and it's nearly 6am and he's only just gone back to sleep. I'm at my wits end. I've tried longer naps, shorter naps, earlier bedtimes, later bedtimes. He has a dark room, he has white noise, he's eating plenty, he's warm enough, I've given meds in case it's teething related, he has a comforter and water. If I try to bring him in bed with us he gets hysterical. Most of the advice I can find for this age relates to bedtime battles rather than overnight wakes which isn't relevant to us as we don't ever have an issue at bedtime.

I'm really at the end of my tether from lack of sleep and don't know what to do any more.

He wouldn't drink milk from a cup or a bottle, he was breastfed and now only drinks water.

We dropped the nap as we were one to split nights and it did make it better but now we’re right back into them but slightly earlier in the night it horrendous especially coupled with the gazillion nursery bugs we’re getting! Just going to ride it out and not eat too much left over Easter chocolate 😂

I have no help but sending strong coffee and solidarity!

Hi op,

My DS did this for a bit, but he was 3 so didn’t nap.

I spoke to a sleep consultant who confirmed it was ‘split nights’ and said the most common solution was to go to bed earlier. He was going to bed for 8pm at the time, and she suggested gradually moving to 7. We did, and it actually worked.

So with your DS, I don’t know if it might be best trying a combination of reducing the nap a bit but also trying a slightly earlier bedtime.

Is he getting plenty of daylight to help his body clock? Ie time spent fully outside during the day?

Loads. At nursery they're in the garden almost all day, same at home.

This. It happened with DS (now 9) when he was about 2. I just co-slept so we could all sleep!! Trying to "fix" it just did not work and ended up with everyone stressed.

Sorry, I meant how many total hours sleep across 24hrs?

Mines done this a few times on and off but thankfully it never lasted long. Like yours he'd be crying and really upset. I used to just lie him on my chest and stroke his head until he conked back out. I always felt it was around a development change time. You say you cut his nap in the day. Maybe just let him nap for as long as he needs, because we all know that day sleep being crap means night sleep goes to shit

Mine did this. I couldn't just leave them awake in their cot in the dark on their own for 2 hours (that made them cry which made it all worse), so I either had them in with me - I lay dozing, they lay awake (!) or I went in there and lay on an old duvet on the floor with blankets and dozed.

I also had to cut the midday nap right back.

When you say you've tried shorter naps, how consistent have you been with this?

We had to cut my son to an hour and sleep no later than 2 for a solid 2-3 weeks before seeing any results.

Split nights are the worst, I feel for you. Things that others have said that worked for us

Capping the day nap at 30 mins, consistently, even if you have a few days of grumpy afternoons. Nursery will have to do it too
Bedtime half an hour early
Crumpet or something similar at bedtime just before teeth
Time! Waiting it out.

Good luck and hope it resolves soon

3 weeks of a shorter nap with 0 improvement, worse if anything.

And I've woken him no later than 2 for months now.

When I've let him nap as long as he needs he's been up for FOUR hours 😂

DD did this for months and I'm sorry to tell you nothing helped it but it didn't last forever, she eventually outgrew that phase (but years later she started doing it again, then they took her tonsils out and it stopped completely so I'm wondering if it was something to do with that - does your child snore?)

Jesus 😅 I think it's just one of those things that you just have to ride out unfortunately. Like a lot of stuff with babies there's just no magic fix. Can you sleep in his room with him or have him in your bed? I really hope for your sanity it stops soon😬

I had the same issue with my son. He is a big boy and the only thing that sent him back to sleep straight away was a bottle of milk. He grew out of it by 2.5. Probably not great but I was desperate for sleep. I’d cut the nap right back to half an hour and give it a good few weeks too and see if it helps

Mine was breastfed and won't drink cows milk or formula.

Mine did this. Was hell but like all other hellish things kids do it was a phase and she grew out of it (before moving onto another, no doubt, hellish phase of a different nature).

Not related but I’m confused that you said he doesn’t drink any milk. I thought milk was important part of kids diet. My 7 yo still drinks 2 glasses of milk a day.

I would have him in our bed but he goes mental when you try that 🙄

Mine was exactly the same. He's only ever slept in my bed twice and that's because he was really ill. I think it's because he likes his space. He was in a single bed from 10 months old because he felt restricted in the cot😅 do you have any way of sleeping in his room?

My son was breastfed until about 20 months (think we stopped to resolve the sleep issue as he was breastfeeding overnight, didn't work)
He has never drunk milk since, or taken anything out of a bottle. He's very healthy and strong at8! Kids don't need to drink cows milk as long as they're getting the nutrients from other sources. If you think about it it doesn't make sense for the milk of another animal to be an essential part of a human's diet, I suppose.

He was breastfed up until about seven weeks ago, he's never taken formula or cows milk as a drink. He eats plenty of dairy though so it's fine that he doesn't have milk as a drink.

Firstly, get his ears checked - both of ours were plagued with bad ears that onlybresolved with grommets.
Secondly, teeth are more painful than we realise. I didn't appreciate that until a very tough mini rugby ds, aged about 7/8 sat whimpering in the corner of the sofa when a molar cut. Had I realised when they were babies I'd have dosed more regularly with calpol.
Thirdly, some dc just don't need much sleep. We had what seemed years of ds going down at 8pm and then waking from 2am to 5am albeit not tired but just interested and active. Eventually, I think he was about three, I had a lightbulb moment and remembered that as a tiny baby he was a fantastic sleeper and went through from about 11.45 until 5.45 and realised those were his core hours. I moved bed time to 9.45 and bingo he slept from 10 until 6am. OK otnmeant we had no evening but 7.30 to 9.30 afyer bath and stories, became "quiet time" when he could look at books and chill with me on the sofa. He also got to see daddy who got home at about 9.30 and he sat and chatted with daddy while he had dinner.
It worked for us. He just didn't need more than 8 hours and I never ever had an issue getting him up.

We tried the ears last week but got the all clear. Re teeth, he's dosed up with Calpol, neurofen and anbesol so not much else I can do really. And when he sleeps through he will easily do a 10.5/11 hour night plus a 90 minute nap - he will do weeks of that then have another 3/4 weeks of split nights. He's totally inconsistent 😂