I don't understand how people can give up their career and be a stay at home parent ?

[lolstevelol]

You risk losing career progression, especially as jobs change so rapidly due to technology. The role you were doing a few years ago might look completely different today. Securing a stable office job is much harder now than it used to be.

You also miss out on pension contributions, which is a significant factor. Losing 5–10 years of contributions and compounding can be the difference between retiring at 58 and having to work until or beyond the state pension age.

Generally speaking, supporting a family on a single income while working can be more stressful than being a stay-at-home parent. Even when the job itself is manageable, workplace environments can be toxic, which can create tension and resentment between the working parent and the stay-at-home parent.

I did👋 almost 20 years ago. Got 4 DC. Two with additional needs.

I never had any intention of stopping work when i had dc. There was a brief moment when i had my first, when i kind of thought:"so this is what I'm supposed to do work my body/ life", but ithink that was hormones. And it passed when I got bored. Pretty sure none of my ancestors felt like that either, when they were popping out multiple children and having to grind away at life.

The pension thing is interesting. I had my kids at 30 and wasn't really thinking about my pension. It was far, far off on the future- like the dc leaving school. I dropped to .8 for a couple of years, so that I could get some breathing room.

Now I'm looking towards when I might be able to retire. Those .8 years have made a dent I wasn't really thinking about at the time. Now I'm starting to work out how many more years I'll have to work in order to have a decent retirement, my pension is becoming something I think about far more often.

Future me is going to thank younger me for continuing to work all the way.

I don't miss the career I had in my 20s. I am not worried about my future and a meagre pension. I didn't ask for DC with additional needs and all the worry it brings. You just have to accept what you're given in life. I can't change my circumstances. Working isn't possible but I do study around their school hours. It keeps me sane!

I’ve no opinion either way but I am lost as to why a parent working would lead to bullying

Of all the bizarre arguments …

There are plenty of positive female role models, in technology, business and the arts l don't think that is a very good reason to have a full on career.
Everyone assumes the mother will take up the slack if the father is career focussed- but that's the point isn't it?- everyone agrees there will be slack.

I had a big job in finance in the City and I walked away from it and I have never regretted it. I had been slogging away at school, uni, work without ever considering what I liked /wanted. The money was like golden handcuffs.

Why are you asking that? If he is working, presumably he is? Whereas she’s holding the family together in a different way and making life easier for all and doing the best for her children? Why is this so wrong? If you’re a woman, why fight against this?

We’re not talking about poverty though? I stepped back and cut right back for a few years…bought less clothes, no fancy holidays abroad, normal car, picnics at the beach or in the park, used the car less-walked lots, bought food as cheaply as possible and cooked from scratch. My Dd has never gone without, we have, but had years of having & doing whatever we wanted, it doesn’t mean that much.

I’m a fantastic role model for my Dd, university graduate, long professional career, have travelled the world, worked continuously in an occupation helping others, before her arrival. Set up my own business I could do around her part time Pre school hours when she was a little older and now working around her. She has seen me working, both in the home and out of it, she has seen me giving my absolute all to her and our family and now more outside the home. I’m teaching her how important family is, the most important thing and what really matters.
She’s a bright girl, bilingual, enjoys school, piano, dance, horse riding. She will be ok in life, I hope she will see value in both working in a rewarding, enjoyable profession if she so chooses and/or raising a family and devoting herself to that.
It does not mean you’re not a good role model to your children if you don’t work outside the home. My happiness and sense of worth does not come from my career, i’d feel sad if that were the case.

This post is the most anti feminist thing I’ve ever read it’s so fucking depressing. If you are having a child you should make sacrifices, both mother and father. If a mother wants to stay at home and look after her child then she should, if she wants to work she should. It is no one else’s business.

You don’t need to understand it. Not everyone has the same views, priorities, wants or needs in life. You do you and let others live how they choose to, without judgement if you can manage it.

I wanted to spend time with my children whike they were young. I wanted to be the one that took them to and picked them up from school, to go to all their assemblies and sports days, to be 100% there while they were young. I hVr never regretted it.

Often what happens is the parent who earns more stays working.

And it can also depend on the particular disability and the local support available whether both parents can continue working or not. Very often they cannot and you really shouldn’t be judging people in this position.

I was perfectly able to stand up for myself when I was being teased, and the work she did never stopped her from being able to take us to school or from being at home at the end of the school day.

I mostly mean the risk that things don't work out as intended. Job loss for one, always safer to have 2 careers. but mainly risk of divorce, which is considerable. And women take a significant financial hit, with a large proportion unable to afford essentials afterwards. (We only need to read MN to see that child support is a joke.)
I'm sure many have taken into account that risk and considered if they could easily re-start their careers if needed (mine would be pretty much impossible to get back into after several years out), but many women have said on this thread that they just wanted to be home and didn't think about the financial consequences. Each family does what's best for them, I felt I wanted to make sure I can support my DC - but for this I am called selfish, materialistic and someone who should not have had kids in the first place.

Hind sight is a very good thing.
Nobody actually thinks that when they become the default parent, that one day they might get divorced and end up being a single parent. They think they are acting for the good of their family at the time.
Also having dependable childcare, whether that be family & friends or professional childcare providers is a major factor. All the women in management I work with who have children, rely on parental help, all of them. Even the ones who are the breadwinners are responsible for childcare. Their lesser earning husbands don’t take responsibility. Sad and depressing really but I see this time and time again.

Some people don't have careers.
They have jobs. Because we need one to pay for things.
But they don't have careers as such built so they dip out and dip back in to their shit kicker role when they're done.

I have a good job now but I had my family young so didn't have a career. Just had a job to contribute to the house. Was easy to leave, in fact I had a 4th child because I hated my job so much at the time and saw it as an out.

Each to their own eh

Not every one feels the same way as you.

I have spent a lot of years studying. I had a good career. I have travelled the world. I have flown business class and stayed in great hotels on business.

Then I gave it all up at 35 to look after my 2 DC and be a SAHM. Now my DC are older teens, I have a low paid job, and another job which is very fulfilling. I have lots of hobbies.

I can hand on heart say that work has no meaning for me whatsoever. It is just to pay the bills and sort out my state and private pension. I also worked in HR so I am cynical in that I know companies would not hesitate to get rid of you in a heartbeat to fudge their latest figures.

The happiest and most fulfilled I've ever been in my life was when it was just me and my DC tootling about all week seeing friends and doing things with them. I am really grateful that I was able to do this.

You make assumptions that all women want a high flying career - wrong. Many are happy with an entry level job at a supermarket or cleaning and get by just the same. You can live to work or work to live. Or stay at home if that's what women want. All have their merits.

It isn't for me at all but come on now, it isn't hard to understand. Especially when we live in a society where women are still largely expected to be the default parent and men are still, on the whole, higher earners.

It did where I lived growing up, but both parents being longterm employed was the norm where we lived.

Unless your entire household income was benefits there was a parent in the household putting their career first.

Really you should reconsider having children if you are planning on displaying such blatant judgemental attitudes. No child needs to be taught to be so nasty by their parent.

And anyway, it’s pretty hard to reconsider when they’re already here 🙄

We work so our children have a good start in life, if we were unemployed they would be living well below the poverty line and they wouldn’t have the opportunities or experiences we are able to give them. On my death bed I’ll know that we’ve been able to ensure our childrens financial security somewhat, rather than worrying how they’ll pay the rent or buy food.

This is not what people do. They don’t choose unemployment over providing. They work out with their partner what works best at that particular point in time.

Your pulling an extreme like this as an example is stupid.