@reversegear I think your counsellor would applaud you for coming on here, listening to other viewpoints, and reflecting on your own behaviour. Good work (whatever the outcome in the long term).
I wonder whether your counsellor's allusion to dh selecting 3 possible options was to avoid him being panicked by e.g. all the possible holiday choices, and the possibility of selecting something you didn't like, thus leading to overwhelm/inertia - which none of you want. This is not a holiday though, it's a dinner out, and in some ways he may think he's exceeded the brief as he has actually made the whole decision, on his own, and secured the booking. So he thinks he's exceeded on the task, and you think he's under-performed? Even if that's not the case, it is sometimes worth recognising that when a third party offers something 'helpful' we can all interpret it in different ways.
I do understand some of where you're coming from. In our marriage I am definitely the arranger and sorter. However I can also be a bit picky and fussy (some might call it controlling!). Over the years I have pushed more responsibility in dh's direction, however I am particularly bad at sharing responsibility so there is clear demarcation. I do most food related things (planning, shopping, cooking [although he does his own breakfasts and lunches]), and he does all the laundry. I pay the electricity bill (which arrives by post in my name) and he pays the gas bill, which arrives on line or by text. The payments come from the same account but each of us has a defined responsibility. To be fair this arose from us needing utility bills in our own names. I do car insurance, he does travel insurance. It appears from recent conversation that we both think we have sole responsibility for the dishwasher...
dh and I are both quite laid back - except when I'm not! I'm chill and happy to go with the flow on 90%, but feel, and sometimes behave, like a moody teenager on the 10% that I'm inexplicably bothered about. And I know that it could be pretty impossible for dh to guess what exactly that 10% might be!!
I am the main instigator of days out / activities. I realise that if I want our life to be satifyingly full then me taking on the biggest part of that role works. Otherwise we'd be a bit like the vultures in the original version of Jungle Book, sitting on the wire endlessly repeating the same conversation: "What are we gonna do?" / "I don't know, what do you wanna do?"
Recognition of the dynamic, and acceptance, however, don't mean the absence of all feelings of small resentment. It helps that we can laugh at ourselves as being those vultures. We also have a jar in which we cut out and keep any ideas that we come across. So if dh is reading the paper or scrolling his phone and comments on something interesting to do, or a new restaurant, or a possible holiday destination, I get him to cut it out or write it down and put it in the jar. Then on a wet Saturday in winter, with no specific plans we might find an exhibition that we'd forgotten about, or a new coffe place that we can walk to. It takes the pressure off both of us sometimes.
I also appreciate my good fortune in having a partner who will join in with pretty much anything I've arranged yoga would be exception I've seen a few last minutes things in recent years - concerts which are almost booked out, special offers from favourite restaurants, exhibitions and experiences - and I can book them for us without discussion or 'asking permission'. I have several friends whose husbands would be real moody pains in the arse in a similar situation, and I know that some of my friends are a bit envious of my dh's laid-back and willing approach.
However, at the base of all of this is a good understanding of ourselves and each other - our individual strengths and failures, the parts neither of us like but can/will do, and the bits we are both terrible at and which could be a real problem [that'll be the leaking roof!!!]. There's also good communication usually, and love, usually.
Wishing you all the best @reversegear