Anyone else wish they could live outside of society?

[Fancycrab]

In the last few months I’ve felt like I’ve dropped out of society a bit - quit all social media, stopped enjoying things like going to pubs/out for dinner so don’t do them anymore, don’t follow the news anymore. Started to spend my weekends going for long walks with my young dc and spending time with them at home. I wfh too, get all my shopping online, so I really don’t engage with society at all anymore (apart from maybe on MN). I have a few close friends who I might go for lunch or a day out with our kids with occasionally but that’s the most I ever interact with society. I live in a really rural area too so I never see many people. But I’ve started to realise I like living like this. I want to take it even further and look into living off-grid/self-sufficiency. Has anyone done this? Would any one want to do this and why?

The short answer is no (although I did ignore the news for a long time and I can definitely see the value of that) - but I'm curious about the people factor.

Do you have lots of family? Do you get lots of adult conversation?

Are you thinking of self-sufficiency like raising your own animals and generating your own electricity?

No experience of this level of hermitude.

But have you considered the possible impact on your young DC? Will you ensure that they still get regular and varied social experiences?

Yes I hve to quite an extent.

I live in a sort of limbo land a lot of the time without much to anchor me to the real world. I don't think it's very good for my mental health if the truth be told but honestly I find myself so out of kilter with how the world is these days, and how people behave, I don't particularly want to be part of it.

No, it doesn't appeal. But wfh and getting groceries delivered is a far cry from dropping out of society OP.

You don't want to live outside of society.

Enjoy your rural solitude, but don't kid yourself why you're not getting pillaged.

@Farewelltothatid i'd be interested to hear more about that as well, the bit about feeling out of kilter

I felt like that when I was living in London, but moving away has really helped.

I do my own version of living outside society.

I live in one of the busiest cities in the world, so it’s not about avoiding people for me.

Instead I:
-don’t watch/read the news
-watch old TV shows and films and listen to old radio shows over and over again
-don’t act my age / do as society expects; I’m 36 and love partying, raves, festivals, adventure - I live by the motto ‘your 30s are your 20s with money’
-don’t engage in traditions and have no interest in what ‘everybody does’, e.g. I feel no obligation to get involved in Christmas nonsense, I do MY version of Christmas (which is mainly champagne + presents to/from DP)

I live in a bubble and absolutely love it. 😊

I often fantasise about living somewhere remote and having a wholesome life with fewer screens but actually off-grid? No. I like electricity and running water/ a sewer system and the benefits they bring too much. I didn’t even like it when I stayed somewhere with a septic system rather than mains sewage. Hannah Hauxwell I am not.

I would question the impact this has on your children who need to be around others to learn social skills. Your preference as an adult is not ideal for children who may wish to be around people.

Why are the children socially isolated? They have their mum and presumably dad, they have each other, they go for days out with other families and presumably they will go to school although I don't think they have to if you prefer to home educate. If they are young, then having high quality time with one parent and having social experiences elsewhere is likely to allow them to be securely attached and have a lovely childhood. I was on my own with my mum til I went to school at 5, we did the odd playgroup and that was it, and I've gone on to have a large social and friend group; I think people sometimes imagine children need to endlessly socialise to 'fit in' but the adults I know who fit the best do not all come from conventional families, and conversely, plenty of kids who have plenty of socialisation don't all end up pro-social and great members of society at all.

Spending time in nature, doing activities, exercising, and family time are all wholesome activities. Would it be better to be tramping around the local shopping centre on a Saturday, not really? I would hate to live off-grid, no desire for the self-sufficient lifestyle, I like living in the city and eating out a lot, but I'm not deluding myself that other ways of life are not perfectly valid.

My mother became like this in her fifties but always had those tendencies. She is a recluse, but because she has to spend time with herself and my close by siblings doesn’t realise it.

Actually as a child it is quite damaging because friendships were quite discouraged. And by the time we started school we knew not to even bother to ask about having friends over.

As she has got older she has become very intransigent in it, and her social muscles have become so atrophied she cannot cope with non-family in the house: difficult when my very elderly father has home help that she hides in her room from.
Her social isolation means that she has basically no health care, so unchecked cataracts, no flu vaccine, no treatment after a fall. She doesn’t realise it but the no healthcare value system was the water we swam in.
She doesn’t want the health suffering but the having to talk to people that comes with treatment is unbearable/unacceptable to her.

You don’t mean no society you mean no direct social interaction. So going on Mumsnet instead of meeting friends. It’s not exactly walking off into Alaska with a backpack full of survival gear.

I think if I hadn’t had children, I could have be quite happy living a life where I mixed with others less and possibly leant towards living off grid.

I settle for a sort of half in half out approach. We live in a very quiet place, I have a really good partner and friends but I keep my circle very small. I spend most of my time at home, in nature, with animals but live close enough to a city that I can use it for the bits I want when I want. I don’t put anything on social media like facebook, insta, X, etc but I use them in a way that suits me. I have times when I keep away from all social media when things have happened as I find it all depressing.

I’ve definitely created my own bubble that most people and things aren’t welcome in. I’m much happier with that than when I was younger and used to go along with things and people that didn’t really suit me. I’m glad I did it as my children needed me to so that they could experience things, but I’m relieved that my children are older now and I can live a quieter life.

It’s only technology that permits this, though, so it isn’t living outside of society, it’s choosing to be a bit anti social!

If you were not a mother I’d say go for it as an adult can make their own choices , but not with children . It’s not fair to them to miss out on things they will need to function later on ,eg social skills , IT skills

Don't do it when your children are young.
We lived rurally, my parents had no interest in 'people' and it fucked us children up. I struggled in my first couple of jobs as I had no idea how to interact with people and was very much viewed as 'weird'! I had to learn in a few months what most people had a lifetime to suss out.
I wouldn't, ever, deliberately set my kids apart from their peers, especially when they reach high-school age, flights of fancy like living off grid can be achieved once the kids have flown the nest.

Yes if I has survival skills, I would like to up and disapear .Also I am not single, but if I was and able to live off grid.
Or actualy I think I'd like to join a monastry,.I often dream about going to one.
I remember reading about christian monks and their vow of silence.Sounds like my sort of place.

Come to the Highlands. Seriously. Society here is so much slower paced. I have a house with views of miles of deserted sandy beaches, you think it’s busy if there are another couple of people on it 😂. The children have friends, superb schooling, and a childhood of outside play similar to one from village life forty years ago - and the culture is very far from consumerist! Weekends are spent cycling, kayaking, beachcombing, hillwalking, horse riding, gardening…it’s simple.

Do you mean my children’s current situation or the future if we were to live off-grid? Because I don’t see how their current life is having a negative impact on them? They go to school 5 days a week where they’re constantly socialising! As I said, we spend some weekends with friends and their kids, going for walks in the forest and having picnics, where they’re with 4 or 5 kids. We do even go to the occasional soft play or theme park too, as I said in my OP. I’m also not anti-screens, they get to watch cartoons. Spending weekends in nature, running around in the forest and eating home cooked meals with their parent is far better for any kid imo, than spending the day at a busy soft play, in an artificially lit shopping mall, surrounded by consumerism & eating McDonald’s. Are you saying I’m neglecting my kids by not providing them this?..

Sounds like a total dream :)

Didn’t you go to school though? And learn how to socialise there? Or were you home-schooled?

I’m sorry, that must be a difficult situation with your mum. Do you think social skills are a kind of “if don’t use them you lose them” kind of thing then? You forget how to interact with people or become too anxious to interact with them?

You see friends , do online shops , take your kids to school and you say they have a good social life so presume you speak to school mum's / teachers etc .
I guess you go to work or your partner works ?
Do you have a tv ? A mobile phone ?
I would say you are fully integrated with society .

I occasionally think about living remotely but then I remember that I like all the amenities like doctor, good broadband, Tesco etc etc. I sometimes even like going into the office....

What you're doing is as much as I could do.