I don’t look after myself and it needs to change

[Doineed]

I shower daily but should moisturize after - which I never do, so even though I wash every day my skin is incredibly dry, itchy and flaky.

Never ever moisturized the heels of my feet and they are super dry and cracked.

Should be doing regular hair masks and generally taking better care of my hair.

Fail to take vitamins.

I prioritize the kids and family over myself each and every day, when it comes to me it’s always just the quickest option possible.

I hardly drink water & diet is appalling. Lots of sugar to keep me going throughout the day.

I don’t make the effort to socialize much - I don’t take breaks or rest, I will always look for the next thing that needs doing/what I can catch up on or get ahead of.

I never, ever treat myself to a treatment such as nails, facial etc.

I never treat myself to new clothes, shoes or cosmetic type things - just replenish basic things from time to time such as concealer, lip balm, the odd mascara (although I never make the effort with makeup anymore nor do I make any effort with clothing - always in the same stuff on repeat). Desperate for new shoes.

Aaaaaaaaand….. I’m so fed up. It’s really getting me down. I’m clean, but that is it. It goes no further than that. I have no energy or motivation because I’m always running around doing things. I see people on social media with their led masks on whilst relaxing in a bath with candles lit, their electrolytes in their bloody stanley cups and endless medicube products at the ready for their donut glazed bedtime face and do you know what? I’m so bloody jealous. How do people (with young children) find the time?

My makeup takes less than 5 minutes, most people aren’t sitting there for an hour painting themselves

Focus on one thing at a time. Which of those things would have the greatest positive effect on your wellbeing. Maybe start with drinking more water, which in turn might help your skin, for example,

one thing I do every night just before turning out the light is hand cream, foot cream, lip balm. Takes a few minutes but worth it

@Chatsbotscan I ask which heel balm you use please? I’ve been using a cheap one from Home Bargains, which to be fair has been doing a good job, but a recommendation would be nice.

@1AngelicFruitCakeI’m so sorry that you’ve been ill. I hope you’re recovering now

Most people are closer to you than the lifestyle shown on SM.

You need to start small & be realistic.

I try & do a few yoga stretches every morning.
I have vitamins in the kitchen & take just after dinner most days.
I drink lots of water but that’s second nature as always have & don’t really like many other drinks.
I cleanse, tone & moisturise most nights.

Quick treats

Use moisturising shower gel in the shower or baby oil added to bath then you can skip moisturising the body.I never manage a daily body moisturise.

Buy sheet masks & try to use one weekly, much easier than a traditional wash off face mask.

Put a hair mask on in the shower & then use the 5 mins to body & face scrub, wash.

Nails inc do some nice glow polishes that make your nails look natural but healthy & not noticeable if you chip them.

I do have a LED mask & find that really easy to fit in.

Step 1 - don’t look at social media! It’s not real and will just make you feel like shit.
Step 2 - do one small thing - moisturise when you get out of the shower. Takes a minute. You have time for that.
Step 3 - rinse and repeat. Keep adding one little thing in to make you feel a bit better.

I feel for you, it’s really hard when you’re in the trenches with young children and balancing working too. You’ve had lots of good advice already and to echo what others have said, you don’t need to everything but there is lots you can do in just a few moments.

I would prioritise these:

• Carry a big bottle of water with you and sip throughout the day. I have a 1.25 litre bottle and fill it twice during the day. Add Berocca or other evanescent vitamin and you’re ticking the supplement box too
• Apply facial sunscreen daily. Your face will thank you later
• Keep cuticle oil, hand cream and any other supplements you want to take by your home office desk or workspace. This will remind you to use them and it only takes seconds
• Body lotion or oil after the shower. Again, only takes seconds and you’ve already experienced how much better you feel
• Keep tweezers by your toothbrush and nab any stray hairs every day after brushing your teeth

I have a multilayered evening facial skincare routine which I really enjoy, but I’ve always done this at kids bath time, once they are old enough to need supervision but not constant hands on. Even now DS is 12 he still likes me to chat to him whilst he’s in the bath and I am doing my skincare, although I realise this might not last much longer.

If you want to wear make up then you can find a very simple routine that takes less than 5 mins. I wear Glossier Futuredew, Erborian colour corrective CC cream, then use a brow pencil and a little bit of eyeliner. I have my lashes lifted and tinted every 3 months so I don’t need to wear mascara unless I want my lashes looking extra long.

Do you wear perfume? A quick spritz always makes me feel brighter and takes no time.

If you’ve got money for a frivolous purchase, try Aromatherapy Associates Breathe shower spray. One spray into the shower steam before you step in and your shower smells like a spa. I was bought a bottle as a gift and it makes me smile every morning at 6am when I’m struggling to wake up.

I've worked on this over the past year or so and feel a million times better. Small changes, done consistently can really add up. What has worked well for me is:

Drinking a glass of water first thing with a multivitamin plus iron tablet when the kettle is boiling for my morning coffee. Then have a pint glass of water with each meal. When DDs are in bed I make myself a big mug of peppermint tea before I sit down. All of that has become habit and means I'm drinking enough water without really thinking about it.

Moisturiser....buy Sanctuary wet skin moisture miracle. You turn the shower off, slap it on your body and then towel dry yourself like normal. It adds about 30 seconds to my shower time.

A basic skincare routine. Vitamin C and SPF in the morning and a serum and moisturiser in the evening after brushing my teeth. Again it takes no time at all and now I feel weird if I don't do it. If I'm clean with brushed hair I now feel so much better even if no make-up on as my water, vitamin and skincare habit means I look decent rather than haggard!

Social media.....the algorithm will feed you what you consume. I completely stepped away from the accounts that were making me feel shit and started watching calmer, more pleasant videos. Now my Instagram is full of slow living, bread making, homesteading and gardening content and is actually pleasant rather than dispiriting!

I totally agree about SM. Especially Insta and TikTok. I watched The Instagram Effect on BBC3 and now I actively try and show the algorithm what I want to watch each and now, like this poster, I have a much more positive feed.

And actually I’ve changed my mind about what to tackle first after rereading your OP. Your skin sounds super dry and irritated.

The thing that put me off moisturising was doing it out of the shower. Now I’ve put my body lotion by the bed, so I wrap myself up in a towel and dressing gown then put the body lotion on before I dress and my skin is so much better.

So definitely get a hair cut and arrange to see a DFriend but I would start with the body lotion today. Once your skin is starting to feel better then you should start to feel better too

I have 2 young children, 4 and 1.
I don’t wear make up.
I have just started to buy some new clothes, without stains or holes on!
we are getting married this year so I am trying to make myself feel less gross.
forcing myself to go to a tan shop.
i work every evening too
it’s really hard with no village!!!

I do ignore social media however as I know it’s all fake, it’s advertising and people get paid to make ‘content’

I’m pretty low maintenance OP, so you aren’t alone. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Pick a few areas that matter most to you and work from there. Improving your diet is probably a priority. I’m trying to eat better. It’s probably only the past couple of years that I’ve followed a cleansing and moisturising routine for my face but it’s nothing fancy. I wash and condition my hair and don’t think I’ve ever used a mask. I do a box dye every few months to manage my greys. I’ve recently started using hand cream. I rarely care for my feet apart from trimming nails and I admit my feet are terribly neglected. I should really be using a body moisturiser as well. As for facials, manicures, pedicures etc forget it, too expensive. I paint my nails for special occasions lol. Daily make up is just some mascara and a touch of blusher and lip balm. If it’s a special occasion or night out I’ll add foundation, lippie, eyeshadow and eyeliner. I’d love to be able to do my eyes really well like you see others do.

not every thing on insta tik tok is real. it's a 5 sec snap shot not real life
I don't shower every day ( shock horror to some people and no I will get lambasted more likely now ) I have psoriasis so my skin flakes and is itchey gets worse if I shower daily. I have to use moisturises but you can get quick soak in sprays in boots and aldi. I have more baths then showers as helps my skin I use that time to have a face mask or hair mask at same time. life is busy I know but carve out some me time you need it. I keep all creams etc on my desk and beside locker so can do then or in the car. yoi can get those face masks you put on overnight and take off in morning. quick wipe with Miceller water in morning then serum and moisturiser again alidi boots etc do great ones. I then use poco universal glow ( irish brand ) it's not make up but gives a glow and has spf wakes up skin and use cream blusher for a bit of a glow on cheeks and lips it literally takes 2 mins but makes me look like I have had 10 hours sleep
berreoca or revive in morning for multivitamin and get out for half an hours walks a day
start small little habits - it takes 4 weeks before something becomes a habit so stick with it

I am very much like yourself, but have started some little habits that are helping to make a small difference! Nothing is done as often as it should be but something is better than nothing I think and you just need to find wee habits that are easy for you to do, you will see a difference.

The Range have great Stanley dupes which I use to help with my water intake throughout the day, I have Vit D Sprays that I find easier to take than tablets and tik tok shop do great deals on collagen powder that you can add to your coffee/ tea in the morning. Urea cream for your heels after using something to help remove he dead skin.

There are some influencers on social media that show you boots/ superdrug dupes and swaps for more expensive products also which helps with costs and give some tips on things that I had no clue about, they are more realistic that a lot of what you see.

Try to do something for you every day. It doesn't have to be expensive or take a lot of time. Sit and enjoy a cup of coffee (while doing nothing else), listen to music, read a book, go for a walk, sit and listen to the birds etc

I feel you so much OP! I have further to go but was in a very similar place to you two years ago after a year back at work after DC2. One thing that works for me is to take an AL day every quarter just for myself. I do some combination of: massage, haircut, pedicure, shopping for new clothes/shoes/skincare, and take myself for lunch. This has made a huge difference to how well I feel I’m caring for myself. I frankly don’t get the same benefit if I’m trying to fit those things in around caring for the kids at the weekend etc. Good luck to you! Therapy can also help with trying to find yourself again after kids and realize how important it is to value yourself.

Use exfoliating gloves once or twice a week in the shower. Use leave in conditioner on your hair and i find a little bit of body oil easier to rub in than lotion. Get a 2 in 1 face wash and mask and remove that with a flannel for exfoliating the face . Tinted moisturiser with spf for the morning and skme nivea or astral for tte evening. Big glass of water as soon as possible after you get up in the morning and an apple and multivitamin a day. Just start small with things achievable because it will make you feel worse about yourself. Small steps and you'll get there op

Main thing is:

Drink water
Eat healthy
Exercise outdoors
Don't smoke
Don't drink
Wear colours that suit you

Incorporate exercise into activities with the children I e. Play football with them

You could definitely add a few little tweaks here and there to get an immediate lift.

A fully established skincare routine might be a bit daunting but you could use things like a shower oil, which will help add some moisture back into your skin, a body moisturiser straight after you towel dry (takes seconds), and some basic facial cleanser and moisturiser would help.

A few products which you could try which are relatively inexpensive and are very good :

Bioderma Atoderm Shower Oil (can get in boots or online) You can also use this to cleanse your face in the shower too.

Olay body lotion (the Red niacinamide version is good and they’re currently £9.99 in boots)

Face cream - anything with peptides or retinol will make a difference to texture and bounce (Boots Ingredients range have a retinol night cream for under a fiver at the moment which is a steal)

And I found the only way to up my water intake during the day was to have an insulated mug with a straw (don’t know why a straw makes the difference!) and it is always full and next to me! I have a few by Sho, and they are inexpensive.

Nothing here would add any time to your day but it night add a little sparkle back xxx

Magnesium vitamins and cod liver oil have been amazing for me, I have so much more energy after taking the magnesium vitamins and feel balanced now.

just the basics really it’s such a cliche but water, diet and sleep your on to a winner no expense, get off social media( so says me🤣) and get in abit of self care

You could try a 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, Cowshed do one. Also lip and cheek stains combined or Clinique chubby sticks.

I also find if you have a regular hair cut and colour (if you need colour) it’s easier to look after your hair.

I have 2 small children and I dropped to 4 days work a week, and life is hectic, we have no other help so I get you. I don’t body moisturise all winter and then panic come summer but I found the aerosol spray ones good and quick when getting out the shower in the warmer months or before I get in my pyjamas. Also do you have a nail bar near work? I started to go at lunchtime as a little treat to myself. I wfh one day a week and book a hairdresser that will come to the house to do my hair in my lunch then. It’s just a case of fitting in what you can, when you can to give yourself a little lift. Also buy a retinol serum, and a vitamin c serum, don’t need the really expensive ones, and a decent spf and moisturiser. Can you wear anything for work?

I’ve been inspired by this thread.

Ive started taking electrolytes again.
Ive restarted my diet focusing on healthy whole foods
Taken the old nail polish off my toes and cut my nails on hands and feet
Currently sitting with hair oil in my hair for 10 mins before a shower 😁
Need to dig out my Apple Watch and start getting some steps in now weather is better.

Trying to do all this around an 8 month old baby!

Well done you! I did walk a fair bit when I had DC1 but that was because they never bloody slept.