I don’t look after myself and it needs to change

[Doineed]

I shower daily but should moisturize after - which I never do, so even though I wash every day my skin is incredibly dry, itchy and flaky.

Never ever moisturized the heels of my feet and they are super dry and cracked.

Should be doing regular hair masks and generally taking better care of my hair.

Fail to take vitamins.

I prioritize the kids and family over myself each and every day, when it comes to me it’s always just the quickest option possible.

I hardly drink water & diet is appalling. Lots of sugar to keep me going throughout the day.

I don’t make the effort to socialize much - I don’t take breaks or rest, I will always look for the next thing that needs doing/what I can catch up on or get ahead of.

I never, ever treat myself to a treatment such as nails, facial etc.

I never treat myself to new clothes, shoes or cosmetic type things - just replenish basic things from time to time such as concealer, lip balm, the odd mascara (although I never make the effort with makeup anymore nor do I make any effort with clothing - always in the same stuff on repeat). Desperate for new shoes.

Aaaaaaaaand….. I’m so fed up. It’s really getting me down. I’m clean, but that is it. It goes no further than that. I have no energy or motivation because I’m always running around doing things. I see people on social media with their led masks on whilst relaxing in a bath with candles lit, their electrolytes in their bloody stanley cups and endless medicube products at the ready for their donut glazed bedtime face and do you know what? I’m so bloody jealous. How do people (with young children) find the time?

My kids aren’t little any more (we’re in the mid years now) but just wanted to stop by. I can totally imagine your frustration. You don’t mention about your support network/ whether you work or have some free time in the day etc but my recommendation would be to start small. Can you add one new habit this week, and maybe habit stack it? Have a shower, and use a moisturising oil in the shower after? Drink a pint of water when you first wake up? Which bits feel most important? Start there. Do you have a bit of money you could set aside to support a few of the things you’d like to prioritise?

Ignore the social media stuff, that’s not real life.

How about starting at one end and getting some proper heel cream and the new shoes, or a haircut?

Then you can work your way down or up. 😊

How do people with young children find the time? Unless they have help, they don’t.

most of us aren’t using LED masks and drinking electrolytes or whatever else. Don’t think you have to do all that, because you won’t and then you’ll think ‘what’s the point of trying’.

instead - cleanse and moisturise and spf. Go shopping (as in go to town rather than online) and buy some shoes. Buy simple tinted moisturiser, mascara, creamy blush.

moisturise after a shower with a decent but not ludicrously over complicated moisturiser.

keep it simple op. Don’t use it as another thing to berate yourself wirh.

Also, social media is bull..
Use it as inspo if that’s your thing but don’t let anyone’s picture perfect social life fool you

You're paying too much mind to what you see on social media. You don't need to do most of these thing - you certainly don't need to buy LED masks and Stanley cups. A lot of this SM content is essentially advertising via the medium of influencers.

There's a lot of things there that you are dissatisfied with. I don't think you can change all that in one go, it's too much. I think you need to pick one thing that you think will improve your life and commit to doing it.

Do all these things really matter to you? I've never done a hair mask or moisturised my heels either, I don't wear makeup and rarely buy new clothes that aren't basics. I don't go for facials or to get my nails done. I simply don't care about those things and don't think doing them would improve my life. I do make time to sit with a cup of tea and chill out every day. I also make time to exercise and pay for a couple of classes that I enjoy.

Social media isn't real. Think about it for a sec. They've got to set up that camera and then get in the bath, do the shot, get out of the bath, edit the video, do the cutups, shorts, landscape and verticals for socials, filters, text, set up the product affiliate links for the click throughs, post.

They're not in the bloody bath it's a prop to sell the candles.

I’m very much like you. Between kids and work (we have no family support) I just don’t have the time or motivation for self care. I do wash daily, put make up on and try to get the gym at least once a week but it all feels pointless. Im ageing, I don’t know how to style myself and I feel like im running on empty most of the times. There is just no time to batch cook healthy meals or deep clean my house or shop for new clothes.
I would try introducing a few new habits that you can manage. Moisturising after your shower is nothing really, takes seconds. Just do it and it will become a habit. I’ve recently got a step counting watch and try to hit 10k steps a day. At the end of the day if I’m not there I’ll do a few steps around the house. Just helps me hit that target and build another habit.
Clothes, make up and hair I’m shit at so no advice there really. I suppose it’s all about feeling better in your own skin. If a bit of tinted moisturiser and mascara helps with that, do it.
I do sympathise though. There are so many areas of life I feel could be improved on but I just can’t find the time or motivation at the moment. I would love a month off work while the dc are in school to just get shit sorted.

It’s really hard to find the time for a little self care when your children are young, and what you see on social media is just a snapshot.

But time to yourself, whether it’s a bit of pampering, getting out in the fresh air, or reading a book etc. can be really good for your mental wellbeing.

Why don’t you pick one or two things to start with to trying and make them a habit? Have a glass of water with every meal, but some body lotion and use that every day? These are things that don’t take up much time. Once they become part of your routine, move on to something else that you’d like to change?

If you know what you don't do and you think you should do it then just do it. It's not rocket science.

You do realise half that stuff you're seeing on social media is just designed to flog stuff. People have lost total sight of how to take REAL care of themselves, and are too heavily influenced by what product is going to change their life.

Ignore all the noise. Make an effort to change what the algorithm feeds you. It's feeding off your lack of confidence. Dont't give in to it. Just do the basics because that's all you need - get enough sleep, get enough exercise (just walk, you don't need to join a gym, get a subs to an online personal trainer), drink enough water (don't get drawn in by the advertising for Stanley cups, that's abslutely ridiculous, I don't know how people have fallen for that shit).

Improve your diet, don't buy sugary snacks like cakes and biscuits, or fatty things like crisps. Take a multivitamin daily if you sturggle to do this. Basically just cut back on UPFs and eat more fruit and veg and fibre.

Use a conditioner, you don't need to obsess over hair masks. Make the effort to use your body moisturiser.

You are all right re the social media stuff. I often need reminding that they are most likely being paid to advertise these things so I shouldn’t make myself feel like I’m the only one not doing those things.

It’s the juggle… working, 3 kids (2/3 are with me all the time - so I work in the evenings on the laptop when they go to bed). I do 8pm-10pm 6 days per week. All the cooking, cleaning, food shopping… clubs… general life admin. Weekends are tough as dc1&2 are closer in age and are forever fighting.

I can’t help but feel I’d feel better if I just looked better on the outside and felt better inside by having a better diet - but whyyyyyy do I find it so bloody hard to just eat well and drink water. I just need to change my mindset I think and make immediate changes.

Just pick one thing and do it daily for this week alone. Then see.

Blimey. Well... a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Choose one small thing to tackle, and do that.

Number one - maybe you could try a different shower gel with moisturiser in it? If you also wash your hair every day, it might be your shampoo your skin doesn't like, so bend over when washing your hair and don't let the bubbles run down your body.

Today- do one thing. Go on Amazon (and if you haven't got an account, make one and pay for Prime if you are too busy and struggling, you can have ethics later once you are on top of things) and buy some Garnier 24 hour moisturiser. It's £3.99. After your next shower, quickly shovel it all over, in about 1 minute, no spending ages. It lasts for days.

Do one thing for yourself today. All the rest will follow (and this is super-easy and will take approximately 2 to 3 minutes, so no excuses).

it’s so hard with young children. I feel your pain as Im currently doing this.

I’m a list person so I made a huge list of good habits I wanted to start. E.g drink water when wake up, floss, vitamins, skincare before bed, exfoliate body, moisturise, even down to washing my hair more.

I decided how often and when each should be done. I have reminders on my phone. So I gave a morning routine which takes about 15 minutes mainly skincare. I have an evening routine about 30 minutes.

weekly list and I also have a monthly routine of fixing my feet (hard skin and moisturise), tidy up nails, sort eyebrows. I do one a week but alternate.

then a bigger job of just getting rid of the clothes that make me feel drab and buying a few key items that make me feel good. Oh and i booked in a haircut.

I didn’t try and do everything straight away I just picked a few a week and started with the easier ones.

Good luck

Well I did just find an unopened bottle of body oil which I just quickly applied and already that feels incredible. So I think I’ll make it a habit to apply some of that after my shower. I’ll also order a good multivitamin this evening and leave it out by the kettle so that I remember that each morning.

To be honest I think what I needed to hear the most is all the responses regarding the social media stuff… I’ve really put myself down thinking I’m the only one not wearing an led mask each and every evening! So I did need a reality check.

The goal is to make small changes bit by bit and create healthy habits.

Habit stacking is the key I think. You don't need to do all the stuff you mention, but if you get into the habit you'll wash, clean teeth and moisturise daily.

Make a habit to just put the moisturiser on after your shower.

Ignore bloody social media it's mostly ridiculous.

Water- a lidded glassful by your bed and drink it as soon as your feet hit the floor.

Add things into your diet like fresh stuff rather than all or nothing health kicks.

One lovely self care thing to do is get up 15 mins before everyone else ( stay with me, I know it sounds counter intuitive) because getting up, a peaceful coffee and a few stretches in solitude can really set you up for the rest of the day if you have a busy family life. . You can stack on habits but start with one. There are books and blogs about it.

I've got a health care app where you tick off if you've exercised and drunk water etc, and I'm hearing a lot on here about the Finch app which is supposed to be very good for self care.

I'm also keen on flylady and she has a lot to say about routines, decluttering and looking after yourself

www.flylady.net

You're worth it, and if it's more motivating, think about your children learning good habits from you. I reckon drinking more water, eating healthier fats and fresh fruit/veg will also help with the itchy skin and tiredness.

I'd start with increasing water intake and go from there. You don't need to go mad, just up it, but definitely a glass on waking and then before each meal.

I agree it’s about picking up small positive habits and adding to them over time. If you try and do too much all at once you’ll just get overwhelmed.

Maybe this week you could focus on having a healthy breakfast everyday - even if that means prepping it the night before.

Or you could commit to going for a 20 minute walk everyday for the next while.

You will find that your mood picks up when you start to make small changes, and hopefully you will want to build on that and do more.

I’m a big one for snacking, instead if cutting out things, I try to have healthier alternatives available to grab - for exampke 70% dark chocolate, small bags of popcorn rather than crisps, a handful of dark chocolate covered almonds, or medjool dates.

As for vitamins…. Is it really just a multi I need? My skin and hair could benefit from a boost (was thinking collagen?)

I would not over think. A reasonable quality supermarket multi vit with your breakfast each morning. But honestly keeping hydrated helps with a lot of things. And say full fat greek yoghurt for breakfast with some fruit added, some ground flaxseed ( again, stocked in the larger supermarket) and a sprinkle of something like cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice (and I take two turmeric capsules with a glass of water as well) You've then very simply given yourself a real headstart with good wholesome things to start the day. I know spices and flax aren't cheap but they last ages - I've gathered different spices and ring the changes.

Keep it simple 😊

I’ve got three kids 6, 3 and 10 months and until January was much the same as you. I made a New Year’s resolution to take better care of myself and make time to socialise and I’ve stuck to it so far but I understand it’s not easy with little kids but I’ll share what made it slightly easier for me.
i make sure I go out to dinner with friends once a month at least.
Instead of running a baby wipe over my face I cleanse, tone and moisturise while the kids are in the bath and put foot cream on.
I put a hand cream on every night before I go to bed.
i ditched carbs and my nightly wine and have lost almost two stone so far.
I make sure I put body lotion on after the shower - I shower on a night after the kids are asleep to avoid the time pressure of getting it done as quickly as possible.

Those few things alone have made a massive difference to how I feel and my confidence and happiness- it’s not easy but it’s really worth it to try and carve out just a few moments each day to take time for yourself. Good luck with it.

Ignore social media and do things that actually work- all this takes me 1 minute per job😂

• whilst the kettle is boiling take your vitamins
• before bed apply moistiser
• everu night but cracked heel cream on
• when you wake up cleanse with c cream cleanser an apply spf
• then do make up if you want - mine takes 5 mins for foundation , to blusher, mascara and eyebrows

really quick but helps!

I don’t Fit anything in thats a big thing- if i need to fake tan I use daily moisturiser . I get my towa and nails done every 3 weeks no compromise and only gel as they stay put so it’s easy.

all my outfits are interchangeable and easy and I know what matches with what so it’s quick.

Good luck!

I think always star with water. I think that is the first thing that will help everything. On the running about doing everything I’ve started making myself think ‘that won’t get done today’ when I have a list that’s out of control or a long shift in work. I write down the things that must get done that day and then add some maybes. It’s really helped.

And remember the odd extra teeshirt/ cardigan/ bit of make up when you’re out shopping for food will soon add up to you having everything you need.

So pace yourself, one thing at a time and you won’t know yourself after a few months x

I've recently bought the Scholl nano foot file. I think it's blue glass. My feet feel like new. I used it after my shower. I moisturise them every night. Once you get rid of the accumulated hard skin heels feel so much better.