I don’t look after myself and it needs to change

[Doineed]

I shower daily but should moisturize after - which I never do, so even though I wash every day my skin is incredibly dry, itchy and flaky.

Never ever moisturized the heels of my feet and they are super dry and cracked.

Should be doing regular hair masks and generally taking better care of my hair.

Fail to take vitamins.

I prioritize the kids and family over myself each and every day, when it comes to me it’s always just the quickest option possible.

I hardly drink water & diet is appalling. Lots of sugar to keep me going throughout the day.

I don’t make the effort to socialize much - I don’t take breaks or rest, I will always look for the next thing that needs doing/what I can catch up on or get ahead of.

I never, ever treat myself to a treatment such as nails, facial etc.

I never treat myself to new clothes, shoes or cosmetic type things - just replenish basic things from time to time such as concealer, lip balm, the odd mascara (although I never make the effort with makeup anymore nor do I make any effort with clothing - always in the same stuff on repeat). Desperate for new shoes.

Aaaaaaaaand….. I’m so fed up. It’s really getting me down. I’m clean, but that is it. It goes no further than that. I have no energy or motivation because I’m always running around doing things. I see people on social media with their led masks on whilst relaxing in a bath with candles lit, their electrolytes in their bloody stanley cups and endless medicube products at the ready for their donut glazed bedtime face and do you know what? I’m so bloody jealous. How do people (with young children) find the time?

Are you me?!

I am the exact same, my DH even moans at me for it saying I would be happy to go around with holes in my clothes even though our kids don’t want for anything. I need to start taking care of myself, I only go to the hairdressers once a year even though I like short choppy bobs and it goes to shit after a few months. i shower daily and take vitamins (otherwise I would catch everything going) but that’s about it. 🫣
I need to make a effort really.

It’s not a case of finding the time, I think for many women, all the things you talk about are enjoyable. I love buying beauty products, make-up, clothes and trying new things. Shopping whether online or IRL brings me joy, escapism from the domestic shit. How d’you put up with itchy skin? Just put a bottle of moisturiser in the trolley when you’re next in Tesco. Apply it after a shower - how much time does that take? 60 seconds?

An LED mask really does make you feel good, and used consistently will make a difference, so put it on your birthday or Christmas list, or just treat yourself to one. Get a good one, like Current body, though.

Looking after yourself is part of putting your children first, they learn what to do foe themsleves from warching you. Looking after your health means you will have better health as you age which is better for your kids.

I struggle with this too so things need to be super easy and linked to another activity. I take my vitamins when I give them to the kids. I use L'Oreal Paris Elvive Glycolic Gloss 5 Min Lamination Treatment because it takes 5 mins. This is amazing as a shower gel, you only need a tiny amount Me+ Hyaluronic Acid Supersize Cleanser 500ml - pump actions means quick. I rarely use it but this body lotion is good, again pump action and absorbs quickly - nivea quick hydration.

But mostly I’m here for tips because it is hard.

Start with a multivitamin and water! Hydrate hydrate hydrate.

Some ‘easy’ things you can do is: order a multivitamin, book a haircut, order a tinted moisturiser and coloured lip balm and make sure you have a big water bottle that you carry with you. This will make a world of difference and are quick fixes.

once you’ve done those things, you can work from top to bottom…. Maybe start with buffing and moisturising your feet and buying a new pair of shoes?

if your diet is bad and you don’t drink water you’ll feel like crap and will have no energy. Maybe pick one meal that you consistently have and make sure that’s healthy, so for breakfast you could prep overnight oats for example.

On the night when you don’t work, why don’t you spend this evening on yourself? Nice bath, hair mask etc, then sit in bed and do your nails whilst listening to a podcast, for example.

With out sounding like a twat, it’s not that you don’t have enough time. You just aren’t prioritising youself. If you’re not comfortable doing it for yourself, think of it as doing it for your kids -show them that you deserve to be looked after and appreciated.

I’d just add to consider getting a multi Vit with added iron. Many women who still have periods are low in iron.

Im with you (I dont have young children but also dont put myself first, have never been consistent in routines for various reasons). My heels have been feeling dry and cracked for too long. Thanks to your thread I have finally put some heel balm on. I’ll keep it next to my bed in the hope I reach for it before sleeping each night.

I'm very much like you. Every now and then it gets me down, so I buy all the products, but still end up not really using them as I'm so busy with everything/low on energy that I forget/can't be bothered.

The only thing I have started to do more regularly is take vitamins. Multivitamin with iron as suggested above, and one with calcium and magnesium. I think they do make a difference (unless I'm getting a placebo effect lol) and the one day I actually drank a lot of water, I felt better for it. You don't need a Stanley, I got a similar one in b&m for a fiver.

I also recently bought a smart watch off Amazon to count my steps. It did help my mindset in trying to keep fitter (although I now keep forgetting to charge and wear it 🙄).

But thank you for this thread, at least I know I'm not alone!

Hi OP one thing you don't mention is exercise.

I only skimmed - are you a single parent? If not and you have a partner - they can cover you for two, just two, sessions every week where you go for a jog or a swim or a gym session.

That will boost your mood and do you a world of good.

Other than that, I would like others pick say 3 small things to do each day. I also have 3 kids, in my case primary aged. Every day I clean my face properly before bed, use retinol plus moisturiser before bed too, and put on gradual tan 1-2 times a week. That is under 10 mins a day but makes me feel like my skin is sorted anyhow!

Multi vitamins and water as a minimum. I feel so much better after taking Aldi Multi-vits. Water stops you eating rubbish because you feel full.
I bought myself flowers yesterday. £2.59 but love seeing them in my kitchen.
Try vinted if you don't feel you can spend the money but would like a treat.

You are worthy of looking after yourself. It doesn't have to be big things, it could even be congratulations to yourself when you've tidied a room, done a job you weren't looking forward to. Always praise yourself for the little wins 😊

I've found the Finch app- the free version - very good for building daily self care habits into my routine. So you could start with moisturise shins, put cream on heels, drink glass of water, take vitamins with the water, cut out one sugary treat as your first 5 goals. Once they're established as habits build them up - moisturise lower legs and feet, glass of water am and pm etc.

As per pps, ignore the social media crap.

Drink a pint of water at least twice a day - morning and midday.

Moisturising oil twice a week, straight on after showering - takes seconds?

Look online tonight/tomorrow for new shoes - stylish trainers/suede loafers in a neutral colour - buy them.

Book a haircut asap.

Rub a thick layer of aqueous cream into your heels before bedtime, wear socks to bed. Buy a pumice stone - add it to your online grocery shop.

My make up takes less than 5 minutes in the morning. SPF 50 for face, thin layer of BB cream, mascara and tinted lip balm. Try this.

Look on Instagram for outfit ideas using clothes you already own.

I keep vitamins in my bedside drawer and take them a little while after dinner when settling down for bed. I have scented lavender bags under my pillow to help induce sleep.

Ignore the LED face mask crap, etc on social media.

Re-evaluate the necessity of all this running around that you're doing. Just fucking chill. Life is short.

I understand. I work full time with 2 DC and it’s tough.

Make an event out of what you’re already doing. Go get yourself a nice shower oil. L'Occitane en Provence Almond Shower Oil. Buy yourself a nice Emma Bridgewater (or something pretty in TK Maxx) mug for your daily cuppa. Goodness me, get green tea bags if you really want to feel better. Any water bottle will do, get Robinson’s Mini juice drops (some called Boost or Immunity). No point getting fancy with moisturiser, a big tub of white Nivea Soft will do you rightly. Upgrade your shampoo. It doesn’t have to be ££ but spend an extra fiver beyond what you usually would and treat yourself. Self tanning drops (Garnier do a cheap bottle from Amazon) into your Nivea Soft and you’ll be glowy.

Tomorrow is the start of a new chapter in your life. Start getting a pedicure every 4 to 6 weeks, moisturise after the bath., hair masks once a month and face mask. Have your hair cut every few months. Ask your partner, Family and friends to help you more.

Do all this.

I have to ask why are you working in the evenings 6 days a week?

I would also prioritise cutting down on sugar and eating healthier.

I totally sympathise OP. I too keep my vitamins by the kettle as it’s a visual reminder to take them. Only now I’ve started giving the DDog a Cod Liver Oil capsule at the same time and now she appears when the kettle goes on in the morning. So not only can I see the tablets, I can see an eager furry face looking at me

I do agree with trying to start the day with a healthy breakfast. For me that makes a huge difference.

I also agree with starting small. Could you book in for a haircut and arrange to meet a DFriend soon?

I think a good hair cut makes you look more groomed and seeing friends usually makes you feel better about yourself.

I don't have DC or a job but I do have adhd and am pretty busy. I always wonder where people find the time to do make up and things. Never got my head around it.

But it does come down to priorities, bet your DC are loved and looked after.

Callous shaver for the heels and I now use a cream people on here recommended (got Vit E in it) and my feet are great.

Oxygen mask first, that's my motto. If I sink, the ship is going down, so I do try to eat well and get enough sleep. I have cut back on the things that stress me out and I do meditation stuff (not the easiest with adhd) when I wake up in the morning to calm down from my busy overnight brain activity. It's good habits, really, that's the key rather than goals...

Strongly agree. Try swapping refined sugar with unprocessed high protein (meat, fish, dairy, eggs, nuts, oats, beans) and nutrient dense fruit and vegetables - snacks too. You don't have to cut simple carbs. Filling up with fizzy drinks, donuts, pastries and chocolate on a daily basis will make you ill and burned out.

Regular moderate exercise is also crucial if you want to feel and look healthier.

Being healthy (for most of the time) is not that hard. It makes sugary treats and lazy days that much more rewarding too. And just as, if not more, rewarding when you see and feel the results of a healthy lifestyle.

I’m you but I’ve just been very ill because of lack of looking after my health. I have got away with neglecting myself for years and it’s caught up with me, I honestly never thought it would. Please take action now, I wish I had done but I’ve learnt a hard lesson and will be doing from now on.

How do people with young children find the time? Unless they have help, they don’t.

This, OP. Some people can afford help, or get given help by family - but for the rest of us, there is no time for most/all the things you mention.

I mean it’s pretty easy to shove a berocca into a water bottle and slap some Coconut Formula on. Takes 90 seconds to do either. Pick one and you’re off.