Let me paint this beautiful picture for you folks.
There’s a 79 year old man in the White House who genuinely believes wind turbines kill whales. Who stood in front of the United Nations General Assembly and called renewable energy “a joke.” Who has a standing order for his staff to never say the word “coal” without the words “clean” and “beautiful” in front of it. Who literally got the Department of Energy to tweet a picture of Santa Claus holding a sack of coal on Christmas Day 2025 with the caption “coal isn’t just for the naughty this year.”
This senile fucking pyromaniac is making energy policy for 330 million people.
And in 1 foul swoop, this bumbling, incoherent, spray-tanned fucking wrecking ball has done more to accelerate the renewable energy transition than Al Gore, Greta Thunberg, and every tree hugging activist with a megaphone and a tofu fetish could have achieved in 50 years.
Not on purpose. Obviously. The man needs 2 hands and a running start to drink from a glass of water. But by accident. By being so spectacularly, comprehensively, weapons-grade fucking stupid on fossil fuel dependency that he’s created the exact conditions that make people run screaming toward solar panels, electric vehicles, and home batteries like they’re lifeboats on the Titanic.
This is like hiring a bloke to renovate your kitchen and he accidentally burns the whole house down but in doing so uncovers an oil well in your backyard. Except the oil well is solar panels. And the bloke is a 79 year old narcissist in a red hat who thinks windmills cause cancer.
Let me walk you through the resume of this accidental climate revolutionary. Strap in. It’s a fucking ride.
THE ANTI-RENEWABLE RAP SHEET
Day 1 in office. January 20, 2025. The man declares a “national energy emergency.” You know what’s excluded from the definition of “energy” in that emergency? Wind. Solar. Battery storage. That’s right. The sun hitting a panel is not energy according to the Trump administration. The wind turning a turbine? Not energy. Coal? Beautiful. Nuclear? Yes sir. The fucking sun. The giant ball of fire that has powered all life on this planet for 4.5 billion years. Not on the list. Too woke, apparently. The sun is woke now.
He pulled the US out of the Paris Agreement. Again. Second time. Like a drunk who keeps getting barred from the same pub but rocks up the next weekend in a different shirt thinking nobody will notice. Mate, we noticed. The whole planet noticed.
He froze all wind energy permitting. Onshore and offshore. Every single permit. Ordered a “comprehensive review.” That review still hasn’t happened. Because it was never meant to happen. It was a kill order dressed up as homework. Like telling your missus you’re “researching” divorce lawyers when you’ve already shagged the neighbour.
He signed an executive order forcing the Department of Defence to buy electricity from coal-fired power plants. In 2025. The United States military. The most advanced fighting force in the history of human civilisation. And this absolute fucking potato is ordering them to burn coal like it’s 1875 and they’re still steaming gunboats up the Yangtze. “Energy dominance” he calls it. Mate, Queen Victoria called. She wants her power grid back.
He killed the $7,500 EV tax credit. Gone after September 30, 2025. The $4,000 used EV credit? Gone. The EV charger tax credit? Gone by June 2026. Residential solar tax credits? Getting wound down. Home energy efficiency credits? Ending December 2025. He went through the clean energy budget like a fucking termite through a timber floor. Every single financial incentive that was making clean energy affordable for ordinary working families. Stripped out. Torched. Fed into the furnace so coal executives could buy another boat.
He used emergency powers to keep old coal plants running that their own operators wanted to shut down. Read that again. The people who OWN the coal plants wanted to close them because they were losing money and falling apart. And this stupid prick ordered them to stay open. Plants in Washington, Indiana, Michigan, Pennsylvania. Clapped out, broken down, money-hemorrhaging shitboxes that their owners were begging to euthanise, and Trump’s in the corner like some deranged energy vet going “no, we can save him.” The free market is only free when it benefits his donors. When the market says coal is dead, suddenly it’s government intervention time. Funny how that works.
He called wind turbines “pathetic and so bad.” He claimed they’re “the most expensive form of energy ever conceived.” Which is a lie so fucking brazen it should have its own postcode. Onshore wind is 53% cheaper than the cheapest fossil fuel alternative. Ninety one percent of new renewable projects globally are cheaper than fossil fuels. But sure Don, coal is beautiful and wind doesn’t work. And while we’re at it, the earth is flat and asbestos is a health food.
He mimicked shooting a wind turbine with a machine gun during a speech. Actually stood at a podium, went “boom boom boom BING” and pretended to blow one up. The President of the United States. Doing fucking sound effects. Like a 6 year old playing army in the backyard. This is the bloke with the nuclear codes.
He issued stop work orders on offshore wind projects that were 80% complete. Eighty. Fucking. Percent. That’s like telling a woman she has to put the baby back in at 8 months. “Sorry love, national security. Shove it back up there, we’re going with coal.”
He renamed the Office of Energy Efficiency and Renewable Energy. Banned the words “climate change,” “green,” “emissions,” and “decarbonisation” from department communications. If we don’t say it, it doesn’t exist. The Trump energy policy is basically a toddler covering their eyes and saying “you can’t see me.” This is the same level of intellectual rigour as my 4 year old nephew who thinks if he hides behind a curtain with his feet sticking out he’s invisible.
He proposed repealing the EPA’s endangerment finding. That’s the 2009 determination that climate change is a threat to public health. He wants to officially, legally, bureaucratically declare that the thing that’s cooking the planet isn’t dangerous. It’s the policy equivalent of standing in a burning building, smoke pouring out of every window, flames licking at your eyebrows, and going “I smell lavender.”
He signed the One Big Beautiful Bill. “Beautiful.” There’s that word again. Everything’s fucking beautiful with this bloke. Beautiful coal. Beautiful bill. Beautiful chocolate cake. That bill is projected to reduce new clean power generating capacity by 53 to 59% over the next decade. That’s not energy policy. That’s an arson charge against the future wrapped in a bow and sold to rubes who think “drill baby drill” is an economic strategy and not just something you shout when you’re too thick to understand compound sentences.
AND THEN. AND THEN. This magnificent, galaxy-brained fucking genius started a war.
OPERATION EPIC FUCKUP
February 28, 2026. The United States and Israel launch strikes on Iran.
Iran responds by doing the thing every strategic analyst, every intelligence briefing, every fucking PowerPoint presentation at every military academy on earth had been warning about for 40 years. They close the Strait of Hormuz.
Twenty percent of the world’s oil. Twenty percent. Shut off like a tap. Gone. Poof. Like someone kicked the power cord out of the global economy and said “good luck dickheads.”
Oil goes from $67 a barrel to $120. In days. Not months. Not quarters. Not “a gradual adjustment.” Days. Like watching a bloke light a match in a room full of farts. Everyone knew what would happen. Everyone warned him. He did it anyway.
Gas at the pump goes from $2.98 to nearly $4 a gallon. That’s an 80 cent jump in 3 weeks. The biggest monthly increase since Hurricane Katrina. Diesel hits $5. California blows past $5.50. Trucking companies are shitting themselves. Airlines are doing the maths on jet fuel that’s surged 85%. Farmers are looking at fertiliser prices that flow through the same strait and wondering how they’re going to afford to plant.
And the IEA, the International Energy Agency, the people whose literal job is to watch this stuff, call it “the greatest global energy security challenge in history.”
Not one of the greatest. THE greatest. The big one. The whole enchilada. The motherfucking all-time record holder.
American families are now paying an extra $300 million a day at the pump. PER DAY. Every single day. That’s not a rounding error. That’s not a policy hiccup. That’s a national fucking emergency. An actual one. Not the fake one he declared to prop up coal on Day 1.
And when asked if he was concerned about gas prices going up? Trump said, and I am not making this up, “If they rise, they rise.”
If they rise, they rise. Let that marinate. The bloke who campaigned on lowering energy costs. Who promised to cut energy prices in half within 12 months. Who celebrated gas dropping below $3 like he’d personally drilled the well. Now it’s “if they rise, they rise.” That’s not a policy position. That’s what your deadbeat uncle says about his credit card debt before cracking another beer.
And here’s the beautiful, poetic, Shakespearean, kiss-the-chef fucking irony of it all.
THE 1970s CALLED. THEY WANT THEIR PLAYBOOK BACK.
Because we’ve seen this movie before. We know exactly how this ends. We have 50 years of receipts and the universe has the most savage sense of humour.
- The Arab oil embargo. Oil prices quadruple. Americans are queuing for hours at gas stations. V8 muscle cars are suddenly about as popular as herpes at a pool party. And what happens? The entire country, practically overnight, stops laughing at Japanese cars.
Before the oil crisis, American blokes were standing around BBQs going “you wouldn’t catch me dead in one of those little Jap tin cans.” Six months later they’re fighting each other at Toyota dealerships like it’s Black Friday at Walmart.
Imported cars went from 15.3% of US sales in 1970 to 26.7% by 1980. Japanese market share exploded from 9% in 1976 to 21% in 1980. The Big Three American automakers lost $6.2 billion in a single year. Ford’s sales dropped 47%. General Motors fell 34%. By 1989, the Honda Accord was the best selling passenger car in America. The Toyota Camry took over after that and hasn’t let go since.
These weren’t niche purchases by coastal elites with ponytails. These were red-blooded, steak-eating, football-watching, beer-drinking Americans who looked at the petrol bill, looked at the Datsun, looked back at the petrol bill, and went “fuck it, gimme the Japanese one.”
Not because of government programs. Not because of subsidies. Not because some patchouli-smelling activist chained themselves to a Cadillac in San Francisco.
Because the price of fuel went up.
That’s it. That’s the entire fucking mechanism. The wallet. The hip pocket nerve. The universal language that every human on earth understands regardless of politics, religion, race, nationality, or how many flags they’ve got on their truck and bumper stickers on their tailgate.
When it hurts to fill the tank, people change. Fast. Faster than any policy. Faster than any campaign. Faster than any UN resolution written in 6 languages and signed by people who flew there in private jets.
The wallet doesn’t give a shit about your ideology. The credit card doesn’t care who you voted for. The bank account doesn’t read your bumper stickers. When the number on the pump makes your arsehole pucker, you start thinking differently. Every single time. Without fail. Since the dawn of commerce.
And now? Now we’re watching the 2026 remix of the exact same track. Same beat. Same hook. Different instruments. Except this time the replacement isn’t a fuel efficient Japanese hatchback. It’s an electric vehicle. A rooftop solar system. A battery in your garage. A heat pump instead of a gas furnace. An entire parallel energy infrastructure that doesn’t give a flying fuck what Iran does with the Strait of Hormuz.
THE NUMBERS ARE ALREADY MOVING.
Electrified vehicle consideration on Edmunds hit 23.8% in the week of March 9 to 15. Highest weekly level of 2026. Up from 22.4% the week before. And it’s not just hybrids driving the increase. Pure battery EVs are getting a fresh look from people who 6 months ago were posting memes about EVs running out of charge in the middle of nowhere.
BYD, the Chinese EV giant, is seeing a flood of new orders. One dealership in Manila booked a month’s worth of orders in 2 weeks. A VinFast dealership had to hire extra staff after showroom visits quadrupled since the war started. In Thailand, the Federation of Thai Industries is now saying “if oil prices stay at current levels or rise further, we expect a significant increase in EV demand.”
Used EVs are now the cheapest cars of any kind to own. 56% of used EVs are under $30,000. A tsunami of EVs coming off lease in 2026 is about to flood the used market with affordable electric options. Battery EV lease returns are projected to jump from 2% in 2025 to 8% in 2026.
And here’s the kicker that should make every MAGA energy bro weep into their drill baby drill bumper sticker until the ink runs: global EV adoption already displaces 1.7 million barrels of oil per day. That’s 70% of what Iran was shipping through the Strait of Hormuz before Trump blew it all to hell.
Analysts are already drawing the direct comparison. And it’s not subtle. The dynamics of 2026, they’re saying, bear a striking resemblance to 1973. The difference being that this time the disruptor isn’t a Japanese hatchback. It’s electric vehicles. And the driving force isn’t Tokyo. It’s Beijing.
Just as Japanese automakers achieved a historic leap over the American automotive industry during the energy crisis of the 1970s, Chinese EV companies now stand at the exact same historical juncture. And they’re licking their lips.
Trump spent 14 months trying to destroy the EV market. He killed the tax credits. He rolled back fuel efficiency standards. He zeroed out the penalties for violating them. He cancelled funding for EV charging stations. He tried to kill the postal service’s electric mail truck fleet. He did everything short of going door to door and personally slashing the tyres on every Tesla in America.
Then he started a war that made petrol so expensive that people are now sprinting toward the exact technology he tried to murder. He’s like a bloke who spends 2 years building a wall to keep the neighbour’s dog out, then opens the front gate and invites the whole bloody pack in for dinner.
THE ACCIDENTAL NET ZERO HERO.
This is the man who called wind energy a joke. Who forced the military to burn coal. Who banned the word “emissions” from his own government. Who tweeted Santa holding coal on Christmas Day. Who went “boom boom boom BING” at a podium like a fucking preschooler. Who told the entire United Nations that renewables “don’t work.” Who looked at the cheapest, fastest growing, most job-creating energy sector on earth and said “nah, give me the rocks that you set on fire.”
And through the blunt, unstoppable, breathtakingly stupid force of his own incompetence, he has now:
Made petrol so expensive that the economics of EVs are now undeniable even without the subsidies he killed. Created an energy security crisis so severe that every government on earth is now scrambling to reduce fossil fuel dependency like it’s a house fire. Proven, in real time, in front of 8 billion people, on every screen on every continent, that an economy chained to oil is an economy with its balls in a vice held by whoever controls the chokepoints. Handed China’s EV industry the greatest sales pitch in commercial history. And accelerated the exact energy transition he spent his entire presidency trying to prevent.
The IEA had previously forecast that global oil demand would peak in 2029. Analysts are now saying the Hormuz crisis could significantly bring that forward. Donald Trump might have single-handedly moved peak oil demand forward by half a decade. Not because of policy. Because of stupidity.
He’s the arsonist who accidentally burned down the old building and cleared the lot for the solar farm.
He’s the drunk driver who crashed the fossil fuel bus into the EV dealership and now everyone’s test driving a BYD.
He’s the surgeon who went in to remove a mole and accidentally cured the cancer.
He is Donald J. Trump. The Net Zero Hero. A man who is, himself, an absolute zero. A nothing. A void. A black hole of competence where intelligence goes to die. But who has stumbled, tripped, face-planted, and belly-flopped his way into the single greatest accidental contribution to the clean energy transition in human history.
Because here is the lesson of the 1970s. And it is the lesson of 2026. And it will be the lesson of every energy transition that ever happens on this planet until the sun finally swallows us whole.
You can lobby. You can protest. You can make documentaries. You can give speeches at Davos. You can glue yourself to paintings. You can block traffic. You can write stern letters. You can hold summits in exotic locations where 10,000 delegates fly in on private jets to discuss reducing emissions.
None of it works as fast as the price at the pump.
Nobody ever changed their mind about energy policy at a TED Talk. They changed it at the servo. At the bowser. At the pump. When they watched the numbers spinning on the screen like a poker machine that only pays out in misery, felt their stomach drop to their arsehole, and thought: there has to be a better fucking way.
There is a better way. And a 79 year old man who thinks coal is beautiful and wind turbines kill whales and the sun isn’t energy just proved it.
Not because he wanted to. Not because he planned it. Not because some genius advisor whispered it in his ear between rounds of golf.
Because he’s too monumentally, historically, operatically fucking stupid not to.
Welcome to the transition. It wasn’t brought to you by climate activists or green policy papers or international accords or emotional speeches by teenagers at the UN.
It was brought to you by a man who looked at the global energy system, the most complex and interconnected infrastructure humanity has ever built, something that took a century of engineering and trillions of dollars to construct, and thought: yeah, I’ll just wing it.
He winged it alright.
And now the wind is blowing. Through every turbine he tried to kill. Past every solar panel he tried to defund. Into every sail he tried to shred.
And there’s not a fucking thing he can do to stop it.
~Gman