I can’t cancel again, can I?

[FryingPam]

I have 2 close friends I used to meet 2-3 times per month. After birth of my DS, my social life obviously took a backseat, but with him turning 1 last summer I wanted to go back to meeting them regularly. Between September- December, I cancelled close to 10 times due to DS being ill. I then told them that I’ll put socialising on hold until we’re past this dreadful first nursery winter. They understand and we only texted between December- March. After more weeks ill in January and February, DS was fine for the past 3 weeks and I thought we finally turned a corner. I arranged a meeting with them for tomorrow, we are all so excited to catch up finally, but last night DS started a temperature. I didn’t sleep for a minute, just holding him all night, poor thing was/is miserable. This night probably will be no better. If I meet my friends tomorrow evening, I won’t have slept for 72 hours at that point and will be concerned all evening about DS. (DS will be absolutely fine with his dad, he’s actually currently going through a phase where he prefers him anyway).
Do I hope for a 30-min cat nap in an Uber tomorrow and somehow push through? Both my friends are child free, they’ve been very understanding so far, but surely if I cancel again they’ll think I’m being funny?

Carry on with your plans! Don't let anyone here ruin things for you.

Yes you do seem have been handed a lot of illness this winter and yes you do seem a little overly anxious but having a constantly poorly child does little to help calm anxiety.

I am glad my friends didn’t give up on me when I had DC3 who was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition in NICU. I don't think I went on a night out until DC3 was probably about 2yo (they were tube fed for a long time but thankfully got off their NG tube eventually).

Enjoy your meet up as much as you can - you deserve it 😊

Right phone away or dekete this thread! Get out there and enjoy yourself

No one thinks you’re a shit person or a shit mother, and you are lucky to have some very patient friends, but you need and deserve time and space for yourself. Your DS is fine, he’s had normal bugs. You’re very anxious and I’m more concerned about your wellbeing than his.

This is extreme - you need help for your anxiety

OP- I don’t think anyone is giving you a particularly hard time. They are just saying they’d have given up asking you by now.

i understand that’s tough to hear, but people aren’t saying that to be mean. it’s just a wake up call so you don’t end up losing all your friends and opportunities to have fun away from DS.

if your DH works 6-7 days a week, make sure that next time you meet friends that you arrange it on his day off and leave him with DS. And before you say he needs a break, remember that being a parent is a 24/7 job and if you don’t want to spend your days off with your kids then you shouldn’t have them. That’s not a criticism of your DH- just the brutal truth

Push through - leave him with his dad.

You sound extremely anxious.
You would benefit from talking to a counsellor or a psychiatrist.

You’re not shit, you just need to try and get a hold of your anxiety. Reading back on all the different illnesses your son has had that does seem really hard, so it’s understandable, but just try to prioritise yourself a little bit. I find it so hard when DD is ill not to let it completely engulf me with worry but you need to develop a little bit of resistance. It takes time. Save some time for you and you only and forget he exists for an hour or two. Parenting is fucking hard.

i hope you’ve gone out tonight and had a fab time!

OP the first winter in nursery is really horrible. We were constantly sick for months and its so draining. You are taking things to the extreme though by cancelling that many times, surely your baby wasn't so severely ill that you couldn't meet your friends?
However I think the main issue here is actually your anxiety. Your child isn't a newborn so I dont understand why you're so worried about respiratory distress unless your child has some other underlying illnesses? Stick some earplugs in and get some sleep.

I think people aren't trying to be hard on you but you do need a wake up call and perhaps better coping strategies for your anxiety.