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Original poster

I can’t cancel again, can I?

84 replies

FryingPam · 20/03/2026 17:08

I have 2 close friends I used to meet 2-3 times per month. After birth of my DS, my social life obviously took a backseat, but with him turning 1 last summer I wanted to go back to meeting them regularly. Between September- December, I cancelled close to 10 times due to DS being ill. I then told them that I’ll put socialising on hold until we’re past this dreadful first nursery winter. They understand and we only texted between December- March. After more weeks ill in January and February, DS was fine for the past 3 weeks and I thought we finally turned a corner. I arranged a meeting with them for tomorrow, we are all so excited to catch up finally, but last night DS started a temperature. I didn’t sleep for a minute, just holding him all night, poor thing was/is miserable. This night probably will be no better. If I meet my friends tomorrow evening, I won’t have slept for 72 hours at that point and will be concerned all evening about DS. (DS will be absolutely fine with his dad, he’s actually currently going through a phase where he prefers him anyway).
Do I hope for a 30-min cat nap in an Uber tomorrow and somehow push through? Both my friends are child free, they’ve been very understanding so far, but surely if I cancel again they’ll think I’m being funny?

OP posts:
Hatewatcher · 20/03/2026 17:09

You need to leave him with his father and go and maintain your friendships. Kids get ill its normal but its not fair at all that ypure taking the brunt of it 100% has his father missed any social events ?

Goditsmemargaret · 20/03/2026 17:10

Have a nap and go

dudsville · 20/03/2026 17:11

I agree with the pp, and get their dad to take over now so that you can get a good sleep before hand.

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Nofeckingway · 20/03/2026 17:11

Why can't your husband look after his baby son even if he is sick for the time you are out with your friends. If they decide that you are too unavailable it would be well within their rights to not continue to make plans with you . I urge you to not do this as you will regret losing an important part of yourself .

Snoken · 20/03/2026 17:12

I assumed you were a single parent given you have cancelled on them every time your child is sick. Get his dad to stay up with him tonight so you get some sleep. They are very patient friends but if you cancel again now they will probably stop arranging things with you.

Original poster
FryingPam · 20/03/2026 17:13

Problem is, my husband works today and also all weekend until 6.30pm, the daytime care is on me. He does share the nights, but I just can’t get any sleep, partly because I’m worried about DS and partly because we live in a flat and I hear him cry/scream when he’s unwell.

OP posts:
NewTricks2026 · 20/03/2026 17:13

Am I reading that right? There were 10 separate occasions where you felt you couldn’t leave your child with their father and go and meet your friends?

10?

Staggered that your friends are tolerating that tbh.

patooties · 20/03/2026 17:14

I think I’d have binned you off a few cancellations ago…

Original poster
FryingPam · 20/03/2026 17:16

I just find it hard to have fun when I know DS is unwell. But I’m also so tired because I don’t get any sleep when he’s ill.

OP posts:
catface24 · 20/03/2026 17:16

i Understand you saying your ds is really miserable at the moment, and I get that. But to cancel 10 times in 3 months due to his illnesses, and then more illness Jan and Feb - I say this kindly, is there a chance that you are catastrophising his illness and letting it stop you doing things when you don’t need to? It would be unusual for a child to be ill to the point that you couldn’t see friends for 5 months? Nothing in your post suggests that he suffers from anything other than normal winter nursery bugs, I just find it hard to see how you couldn’t have found time in 5 months to see your friends?
and I def do mean this kindly, it can be very hard with a baby, but you do need your friendships to continue

amber763 · 20/03/2026 17:17

I dont think theyll invite you again if you cancel.

Original poster
FryingPam · 20/03/2026 17:21

catface24 · 20/03/2026 17:16

i Understand you saying your ds is really miserable at the moment, and I get that. But to cancel 10 times in 3 months due to his illnesses, and then more illness Jan and Feb - I say this kindly, is there a chance that you are catastrophising his illness and letting it stop you doing things when you don’t need to? It would be unusual for a child to be ill to the point that you couldn’t see friends for 5 months? Nothing in your post suggests that he suffers from anything other than normal winter nursery bugs, I just find it hard to see how you couldn’t have found time in 5 months to see your friends?
and I def do mean this kindly, it can be very hard with a baby, but you do need your friendships to continue

There were times he wasn’t ill, it just somehow always happened that he came down with something when I had made plans. Bad luck, I think. But he genuinely was ill more times than not during winter, as soon as he went back to nursery he always came down with the next thing after a few days.

OP posts:
Dullmary · 20/03/2026 17:22

If you were my friend I’d have given up by now. Sooner or later they will just stop inviting you. Maybe that would be for the best? There’s no shame is admitting your priorities have changed.

RudolphTheReindeer · 20/03/2026 17:29

FryingPam · 20/03/2026 17:21

There were times he wasn’t ill, it just somehow always happened that he came down with something when I had made plans. Bad luck, I think. But he genuinely was ill more times than not during winter, as soon as he went back to nursery he always came down with the next thing after a few days.

Show quote history

How many times did you cancel because he was actually ill then? Why did you cancel all the other times? You sound like a really flaky friend.

Delatron · 20/03/2026 17:32

You can’t cancel again. They are very understanding friends. Go to bed the minute your DH gets home. And he can do some of the night shift. Even if he’s working. You can’t survive on zero sleep. You could both try for a block each.

HenDoNot · 20/03/2026 17:35

I can only assume your child’s father is utterly useless if you’ve felt unable to leave his own child with him on 10 separate occasions.

Your friends must think he’s a big fat waste of space. How embarrassing.

BeKhakiReader · 20/03/2026 17:36

You’ll need your friends long after your baby has grown up and left home! You have to go out tomorrow. It’s important. Your baby will be fine with his dad.

Worried198423 · 20/03/2026 17:43

How old is your ds @FryingPam it's not really clear.

You're going out tomorrow evening, so put your ds to bed and get some sleep.
Even if it means s sleeping together

Topjoe19 · 20/03/2026 17:50

No don't cancel. Just make the effort, even if it's for a couple of hours. It's like this a lot when they're little!

Viviennemary · 20/03/2026 17:53

Your friends arent going to bother with you if you keep this up.

Original poster
FryingPam · 20/03/2026 17:54

I also cancelled if I hadn’t gotten any sleep for 2-3 nights in a row beforehand, but I figured I wouldn’t had been any good company anyway because I was so sleep deprived at times that I was slurring words and couldn’t follow a conversation.
It’s not that I don’t care about my friends, I just haven’t mastered the skill of going without sleep for long periods of time (but I appreciate that there are other mums who seem to can).

DS is 18 months.

But points taken, I’m very tired now anyway so iI’ll see if I can manage to sleep for a few hours even if DS is crying, and let DH deal with it. I really want to see my friends tomorrow.

OP posts:
RocketLollyPolly · 20/03/2026 17:57

Do you have health anxiety? It’s natural to be concerned for your children but not to the extent you can’t leave them with their other parent for a few hours during normal childhood illnesses.

Give your DS a bath, give meds and put him to bed then go immediately to bed yourself. Ask your DH to be on duty until midnight/1am or whatever feels reasonable given his job and time he needs to get up tomorrow. Keep on top of meds. That way whatever happens you’ll have at least had a decent few hours.

Then go and see your friends. You’ll feel better for it and you risk losing them if you don’t.

Newgirls · 20/03/2026 17:58

kindly - it will do you the world of good to go. You are worrying too much about your child being ill. Your partner needs to step up. This is for your long term wellbeing.

Original poster
FryingPam · 20/03/2026 18:00

I have to admit that I am quite anxious…I keep worrying whether he’ll get respiratory distress in the night whenever he has a respiratory virus, which is unfortunately all the time, so I’m listening to his breathing, watching that he doesn’t suck in his ribs (as they tell you to do), count his breathes per minute…

OP posts:
Didimum · 20/03/2026 18:03

Yep. Push through. It’s just standard kid stuff, he’ll be find.