Did anyone’s child outgrow their autism traits around 7?

[Coconutsss]

DS is 7 and I assumed neurodiverse but things have got so much better recently. He’s keen to please and can avoid getting to the point of meltdown.

I’m unsure whether he just took a while to develop emotionally and is not neurodiverse or whether I’ve just adapted to him and manage the home so he’s coping much better. He also has a wonderful teacher in a small class setting.

He still has his moments and can be quite matter of fact. He struggles a bit with the unexpected and after school there are lots of stim type noises but we seem in a good place at the moment and I wonder whether we jumped to the assumption of autism.

DS is 10 and the easiest child ever. He now knows his own mind and is able to articulate how he feels about a situation. So we know not to put him into certain social situations or go to certain places as he can tell us. We just had a lovely family weekend away. Up until the age of about 6 it was a nightmare. The toddler years were hell.

It's lovely to hear that things are going so much better for him.
I don't think improvement necessarily rules out neurodiversity. Many children thrive when they're in the right environment, have a teacher who understands them, and their parents have naturally adapted routines and expectations to suit their needs. Equally, some children are simply late to develop emotionally and become more flexible as they mature.
The fact that he still finds the unexpected difficult and uses what sound like stimming behaviours doesn't necessarily mean he is autistic, but neither do those things disappear just because a child is coping better.
It sounds as though whatever the label, you've found strategies that are really helping him, and that's a huge achievement.

My daughter goes up and down but the absolute worst time was when she started at secondary school. We kept swithering about getting support (and it was covid times which were actually pretty great for her - never had to get dressed or engage with people she didn’t want to!) so we put it off over and over again. And then it all fell apart hard. So I’d stay on the list as you might need it later on. We are scrambling to support her now and wish we’d had tried harder a few years ago.

My ds had speech delay, hand flapping, echolia, sensory seeking behaviour and a heap of other cliche autism traits so was diagnosed quite young, 3.5. At around 4 yrs 3 months it was like his brain suddenly rewired and things slotted into place differently. It was like a daily miracle. When he started school at 5.5 he was one of the most mature kids. He thrived in school but as time went on he had some focusing difficulties and was jittery and restless, it started to present more as ADHD. When he was 9 he was diagnosed and we believed his original diagnosis was inaccurate. We saw zero autism traits. Support at school and home was based around adhd only. We had him reassessed privately at 11 because we were confused in how to support him. We were told both diagnosis stood and it was not unusual for traits to disappear as they were managed better. Also to be prepared for other periods where things weren't so easy. They weren't wrong, although most people wouldn't see it in him now at 18, we find him to be argumentative and black and white in thought and often unempathetic. One thing I have learned is that when things are tough, hang in there because this phase won't last. And when things are good, make the most of it and enjoy every moment because that too will pass.

Just here to copy what pp’s have advised to not give up your place in the waiting
list.
My dd has mainly been very easy going, has had long periods of feeling really well in herself and has always enjoyed school and done well. Yes, always struggled with friendships but a strong and happy family life covered lots. We suspected autism due to some ‘quirks’ , and it runs in the family, but she managed life well.
However, during A-levels she became quite stressed and placed a lot of pressure on herself. OCD symptoms appeared (and more awareness etc) and on advice of GP has put her name down for an autism assessment (aged 18) as an official diagnosis might be good to have if she ever needs more support. And if she needs more support and you don’t have a diagnosis, it’ll take years before the assessment will be done.

In hindsight, I wish we had put her on the waiting list a few years ago as the (likely) diagnosis would have been helpful for more targeted support during A-levels.

Yes - my son. Unable to speak in sentences, scared to eat sleep
or poo, absolutely tiny for his age and completely unregulated emotionally to put it mildly. I was convinced he’d have to go to a special needs school in the end.

He is now 13 and basically he’s normal. Takes lead roles in local am dram, flaky as fuck but that’s adhd we’re convinced. Has oodles of friends ands great sense of humour. Zero anxiety. The only thing that’s stayed the same is sleep - I reckon he’ll need melatonin for life. Plus he gets sick at the drop of a hat.

The one thing I’d say though - I’ve read that melatonin can delay puberty and in our case that would appear to be true. This doesn’t bother us as emotionally he’s still immature for his age so actually it’s probably to his benefit.