Did anyone’s child outgrow their autism traits around 7?

[Coconutsss]

DS is 7 and I assumed neurodiverse but things have got so much better recently. He’s keen to please and can avoid getting to the point of meltdown.

I’m unsure whether he just took a while to develop emotionally and is not neurodiverse or whether I’ve just adapted to him and manage the home so he’s coping much better. He also has a wonderful teacher in a small class setting.

He still has his moments and can be quite matter of fact. He struggles a bit with the unexpected and after school there are lots of stim type noises but we seem in a good place at the moment and I wonder whether we jumped to the assumption of autism.

You don’t grow out of autism. Like you said, you’ve able to adapt and so has he.

You can’t outgrow autism - you are autistic or not. Did you self diagnose or has the child had an official diagnosis?

However It’s quite clear from the fact that girls and boys with autism tend to develop so differently that there are lots of tools and techniques that autistic children can learn.

these can also place a lot of stress on the girls that typically have been pushed more to learn social and self regulation more

and you will have learnt to adapt and live with each other

so either the child is autistic or isn’t , and it’s not impossible that you are managing well

used to work with tons of autistic people - given the right environment you ( well me at least ) could not really distinguish NT and ND

although it was occasional questioned if we had any NT

I know that but we haven’t had him diagnosed yet as on a huge waiting list.
So it might be that he was never autistic. Or it could be that he is and we’re in a good place at the moment.
We’ll parent him to best suit his needs regardless but I wonder whether we might get to the top of the waiting list in a couple of years and the doctors think ‘why on earth is he here?’

He went on the waiting list at 5 when things were really tough. He’ll likely be 9 before he’s seen.

(I am aware of right to choose but told would need to come off NHS waiting list and it’s 18-24 months for face to face assessments near us anyway fo RTC)

Children develop - there is more awareness of early differences in development, and often autism is thought a possible cause, but equally a child who is struggling to communicate and engage due to a language delay can improve their social skills with time and intervention, and not meet the criteria later on. Also parents and nurseries/ schools supporting children with autism early on can mean they don’t struggle in the same way, but may still have autism. The assessors should gather information from yourselves and school and assess him as he is now (or whenever they see him) to determine whether he is meeting the criteria for a diagnosis.

What people think of as classic autism symptoms are actually symptoms of autistic distress. Your DS is in a good place. Don’t give up your place on the list.

You see it more at times of change. Keep on the waiting list. In Y2 we were still saying he's quirky but it's only a problem if it's a problem. Moving to a new school for juniors made the wheels fall off quite dramatically. I guess children in through primaries have it a bit easier but Y6/7 is a big transition and you don't want to be starting from scratch if that goes pearshaped.

Autistic traits can be in many people not only those who have autism. Equally some traits which are common in autistic older children and adults are prevalent in most young children but they outgrow them eg tantrums when over stimulated. Finally there’s a lot we don’t know about autism and over time we have changed criteria and thresholds for diagnosis, some argue it’s so loose anyone can meet it. Don’t give up your wait list place yet but it may be that the traits you suspected could be autism were simply developmental

My DC was diagnosed aged 16. What I remember was that he was a delightful easy baby, a very difficult and and lots of tantrums between 18 months to 4.5
Just lovely until early teens. Cheerful and non self conscious. Yes playtime and friendships were challenging for him. Couldn’t keep friends, found play time very hard.
It got challenging again as a teen and now at uni he is flourishing.
So from my perspective things come in phases. A therapist during his teen years was useful.

Also keep him on the wait list. I had DS assessed for adhd at 11 - we are not in Uk.
was told he didn’t meet the threshold but to possible come back in a few years.
But his assessor for autism said somethings were very clear - lack of eye contact, dislike of being touched - which he disclosed to us almost by accident as a teen and other things.
So stay on the list.
There are also other challenges like developmental language disorder and dysgraphia which can overlap or exist at the same time. My DC has a diagnosis of autism and dysgraphia.

Also a psychologist saw a lot more traits in an hour of observing DS at school than teachers did working with him every day. You can withdraw from the assessment process at any time so you might as well stay on the list as long as you have any suspicion at all.

We will definitely stay on the list.

It might be that we’re in a time where social demands are low and we’re managing it well.

He might not cope as well as he gets older and friendships become more complex.

He’s also really clever so school see nothing. Just a bright, rule following boy. Occasional difficulty with transitions.

For example, he learnt to read really easily I think due to pattern recognition. That could be that he’s very bright or could be autism. School see it as him being bright.

Yes - my son was diagnosed at 5, he was also full of the usual issues re food, sleep, speaking, meltdowns and anxieties which we tackled continuously. It’s been exhausting.

He’s 13 and I’d say we’ve nailed sleep and food and separation anxieties now and he is no longer mute. He is clearly autistic still but we do think his diagnosis would probably not be so cut and dried now - the important thing is he feels great about himself and is incredibly articulate which really helps. We hope the teen years won’t be too difficult. If somebody had just told me that his traits might ease off a bit I’d have been much less stressed.

Hi,

my sons 7, not diagnosed yet we have assessment next month.
but we've noticed a massive change in him the last 6 months.
some traits have lessoned to the point I don't see him do them anymore.
he also learnt to ready quickly as was signed off at school as a free reader in the first week of year 1!

i think we're at a point where things are just going well. He's more aware of his emotions and able to communicate better how he feels, he knows when he needs space and time on his own.

6 months ago I would never have thought he would be in this good place as he was having meltdowns constantly

Not much of use to add except to say I have a 6 year old (7 in 6 weeks) who has suddenly done the same…his behaviour has been causing me so much concern and stress since he was about 3, he was really struggling in school in Y1 (hiding under coats when overwhelmed with the work, playing alone, meltdowns when getting changed for PE etc etc) but school have seen v little of all of this in the past term. I’m so confused. He is still very demanding at home, quite anxious, obsessed with screens, and dislikes the feel of lots of clothing / shoes. But at school there are suddenly no issues, and the issues we were having at home have got about 50% better. I am not sure what to make of it.

No, definitely still wait for an assessment and a diagnosis. I wasn't diagnosed until I was mid 20s and already had problems retaining employment. Autism is not something anybody will grow out of, and problems won't disappear even in adulthood.

I think needs can change with autism at different developmental stages. My DD's needs actually got a lot higher around age 10 (anxiety and sensory needs, she didn't actually lose skills IYSWIM). My DS started school needing full time 1:1 and was quite wobbly even with that, but he doesn't need as much support any more.

I’ll be really interested to hear what an assessor says. I think he’s good with people he knows but strangers not so much.

He had some speech and language therapy a year or so back and I thought he seemed to be displaying a lot of traits in the appointment. For example he would only look at the models on the shelf behind the therapist and wouldn’t sit in the seat, rooted through her cupboards (uninvited) and found a car to spin the wheels of.

But I asked her if she saw traits and she said no, nothing stood out, which stumped me a bit.

Have a look at this study which suggests that some individuals with ASD will lose their diagnosis

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23320807/

I've found DS's ability to cope with age expectations has ebbed and flowed. Sometimes he'll have phases where he copes better, and sometimes he struggles more. It's always there but sometimes it feels more in the background than other times where it feels more dominant.

There's also things you can miss as a parent. He's always made eye contact with me, and it was the consultant that pointed out that he looks at me as a safe person while talking to a third person. I can't unsee that since, but I had totally overlooked that in the first place.

We didn’t used to diagnose neurodevelopmental conditions until children were around 8 because they go through such massive changes and at different rates.

Hi, I'm not a trained counsellor but i have two psychology degrees. i would suggest you look into masking and adaptation for neurodiverse children. a lot of times good adaptability just means high functioning capacity. would not rule you your intution just yet. but be kind to yourself and you kid, you will be fine!

My DD appeared to until about aged 9 when she had a medical issue that depleted her reserves. Then the old traits were back, she went from not seeming at all autistic to very obviously. Then she was better, with a diagnosis, and at 14 you genuinely wouldn't be able to tell. I don't think she'd get a diagnosis today because she seems happier than a lot of her NT peers.

She isn't masking, she is happy with who she is and although some quirks align in a way that someone knowledgeable would recognise, there's barely a child without a quirk, she doesn't stand out. She has ways to regulate that are almost all forms of exercise and it means that her main identity is "sporty," so that's the box other kids put her in.

The early reading was something her nursery noted, it wasn't the reading in itself, it was that someone who could read so early should also be able to problem solve walking round a box that was in the hall rather than just standing behind it as if she was stuck. It's asynchronous development rather than fast/slow.

Ds was very hard work between 2-4. Things gradually improved and 7-8 he was significantly easier. Sadly as the pressure has increased at school and the gap socially has increased he has struggled more and now things are very difficult