Is anyone else’s DH like this?

[confusedlots]

DH arranged to go and see his mum today with the kids. He mentioned this to me last weekend and I said that I had a big deadline in work and I might give it a miss, in fact I would really appreciate him and the kids being out of the house for a good part of the day as I woud
get a lot more done.

He’s been huffing and puffing about it all week. How I’m ruining a family day out. We should all be going etc. I wouldn’t have minded going for lunch for an hour or two but visiting his mum is a whole day affair and we are there before lunch time and not home until the kid’s bedtime. I do get on with his mum, but on this occasion I really don’t fancy sitting making small talk for 6 hours while I know I have loads to do at home.

To me it’s not a big deal. We visit her quite often and I rarely miss a visit. It’s not a special occasion, just lunch and seeing the grandkids, and she’ll probably enjoy just having time with them herself without me there.

I had been looking forward to getting them all out of the house later this morning and settling down to get on with my work so I could feel on top of things for the week ahead. And maybe get some washing done and get tidied up a bit around the house before they all arrive home again. But now he’s just piling on the guilt, how selfish I am etc, and I really don’t see it like that. I never get time to myself, and this isn’t even time to do nice things, it’s time to get caught up with work and a bit of housework! Why can’t he see that and actually encourage me to take a bit of time to myself and reassure me that they can all have a day without me!

I quite often take the kids to see my parents and leave him at home to get on with whatever DIY project he’s working on and it would never occur to me to have a go at him for being selfish that he doesn’t want to come and spend the whole day with my parents!

Is anyone else’s DH like this?

Was thinking this. Gets to crack open a beer & watch a match?

I would think he doesn't like being in sole charge of the children. He is happy enough when you leave him behind, you also have actual work to do.

Dh and I had alternate lie ins on a weekend so he solo parented right from the beginning. He would also take one child out with him whilst popping out to the shop so that meant both of us got one on one time with each child.

He has never shirked this responsibility so him leaving me behind to do DIY or work or whatever wouldn't be an issue because he is completely used to the children and took them out with him.

Nope, mine takes them to his parents every other week and there has never been any expectation for me to go. I get on with stuff at home. I very much like his parents, and I do see them at other times.

This exactly, and can’t be arsed to make small talk himself for 6 hours (to his own parents). This thread has infuriated me just by the fact he is allowed to stay home while OP visits HER parents with the kids, so why not the other way round? Have you asked this OP? I fucking hate selfish men like this - so bloody hypocritical

This used to wind me up a treat. My partner’s mum is a ‘good woman’ but a fucking boring one to talk to for an extended time. He used to arrive and watch sport/chat with his dad or go on his phone when we visited (more than once a week!) He tried getting his phone out when we visited my parents, who we see rarely owing to distance and I pointed out the shitty behaviour.

What really pissed me off was of if I got my phone out in front of his mum - to answer an urgent email from school/ health team she’d act like I was being really anti social and ask who it was and talk to me more while I was trying to concentrate for 5 minutes. She totally ignored the fact her bloody son was sat there on his phone not contributing to the conversation at all! Her husband frequently fucks off to watch the rugby when we visit or random tv in the kitchen and she tolerated that too - such a rude bastard.

Yes my ex was exactly like this. He could not understand the concept of hypocrisy. Because to him, his feelings were always right. There was no point arguing with him because he could never, ever understand another point of view.
Impossible man!

The op is exactly why MIL’s complain about DIL’s and why their sons are kept from them. Re-read the post. It is the dh that doesn’t want to go now because the op has other things to do.
The op goes to visit her mum but her dh now can’t be bothered to go.
Sons are the problem not the female partners.

My partner’s mum is a good woman but a fucking boring one to talk to for an extended time 🤣
Regarding hypocrisy, my DH used to go and play his sport when his mum came to stay. I said that’s exactly the same as me inviting my own parents over and then buggering off. He doesn’t do it anymore.

I actually haven’t seen my MIL since xmas 😳 DH and DC have been over quite a bit though, MIL tends to hang out with DC while DH gets through a laundry list of DIY jobs she can’t/won’t do herself. She then fusses over him like he’s the second coming, he gets to bask in the adulation and no one sees me rolling my eyes 🤣 It’s win win!

It used to wind me up too! Especially when we visited his dad and his miserable second wife. I even used to say to him before we went in not to leave all the conversation to me but he still did. Grrr!

Dh has a lovely snooze when we go to his mums. She whips up a full Sunday lunch, and he has a post lunch crash leaving me to do small talk. Just when I'm ready to cut my losses and go, he comes too and wants to stay and chat [read, stay until served tea and cake].
Shame I've a) had a word and b) we have a dog now who's not welcome at her house, need to get back!

Aw, poor sod, he actually has to parent his children. Men. They expect women to work and pay the bills, but aren't actually prepared to accommodate the employment demands.

Tell him he should have married an heiress if he expected a wife with money but not employment.

So what happened @confusedlots ?

Did he take his martyred soul off for the day [when you pointed out that you'd told him a week ago that you wouldn't be going] and come back exhausted or did you get guilted into it and instead you came back fuming, resentful and needing to work into the wee hours after watching the little prince be waited on by MIL all day?

So he can huff and puff???

Just ignore him and wave him merrily off??

I quite often take the kids to see my parents and leave him at home to get on with whatever DIY project he’s working on and it would never occur to me to have a go at him for being selfish that he doesn’t want to come and spend the whole day with my parents!

I don't understand. Why don't you simply say this to him? Repeatedly if necessary.

No. My first husband did this though but l wouldn’t entertain it

To be fair to him, he did take the kids off for the day and didn’t say too much more about it, I think he knew I was annoyed by the whole thing and he realised I don’t often skip these types of family days with his family.

I was probably more annoyed by the fact that it feels like no one cares too much about my needs or wants. I’m always the one who is making sure everyone else is ok and making sure everyone else is happy, but that’s never reciprocated, or so it seems to me. But I’m probably guilty here too as I’ve put my own needs to the bottom of the pile for too long but that is going to change from now on. In fact, I did something for myself today which I had put off for too long and spoke to my GP about HRT which is a great start to finding the new me!

Pre kids, I didn't enjoy the 6h long visits to his parents monthly, and I doubt he much enjoyed the weekends we spent with my family either (they live 3h away).

Now we have a son, I have been officially been released from duty by MIL, who is happy to have her son and grandson to herself, ideally the latter.

But this simply Does Not Compute with my husband, who thinks that we all ought to the there for every occasion. MIL will happily take DS out for the whole day, drive him back asleep and we can put him straight into bed, but my husband thinks that we should drive an hour over to theirs after work to spend 30m of dinner with them before driving back to ours with him asleep. Which isn't even what MIL wants!

He's a bit bad at social clues and what people want though tbh.