Thanking someone

[PerkyOchrePeer]

I went to ask for advice on a journey and possibly buy a ticket to go on the jour. It turns out that I can use my bank card so I want to go back and thank the person.Would that be too creepy. I would only do it after the journey. The person works at the train station advice office

There's a huge difference between asking someone for coffee - which is perfectly honest and transparent - and letching over them without admitting you're doing it.

I'm a 41-year-old lesbian and I've several times had blokes who came into my work ask me out/give me their numbers. I never thought it was rude or creepy at all - it was just a simple question, and even though I wasn't remotely interested we had a grin about it.

OTOH, I've also had a couple of seriously creepy types who would hover or linger or make excuses to chat, and really, it is not nice. When you're the person on the other side of the desk you know what they are doing, and basic good manners/professionalism means you can't get away. It's not pleasant.

Then you're never going to get to know them, because you can't hang round them at work.

Sometimes you have to take chances in life. They might say no, but you'll be in no worse position than not being able to talk to them because you won't take the risk. If you're never going to ask them, just walk away now.

I think the best thing to do is walk away.

It is quite silly because I could go down to the train station and they might not even be there. I've decided it was just a fantasy, but it's proved that I an capable of having feelings for someone which I never thought would happen again due to the memopause. A man once said you me that he was looking for a woman and I said but you're married. He said since my wife went through the menopause she wont have sex with me and I want sex so I will find someone else to have sex with. He said I would never leave my wife but she wont have sex

This with bells on. As soon as I read your op I knew that you were looking for an excuse to speak with them because you fancied them. It makes you seem weird on here and that's probably how you come across in real life. What you are proposing is creepy. Either ask them out or leave it. And I would suggest getting therapy to get some feedback on how other people respond to you because it will be difficult to make friends and find a partner when you come across to others in this way.

I have some good friends and I see them regularly. I did post that I had decided to leave it about the person at the train station. Its weird for people on here to suggest asking them out. It was just a moment of madness and I will never behave like that again

I dont need expensive therapy to realise that

But it's not weird for people on here to suggest asking someone out?

You're the only person who thinks it is weird, and you sound very defensive when you say it - as if you're trying to make out that you're doing nothing odd and other people are. Fine, if you want to believe that, but then I don't really see the point of posting to ask for opinions.

I imagine it’s because you post loads of threads about fantasising / dreaming about snogging women and airing what it means if you find them attractive, and a lot of your many threads about your endless failings-out with friends include you saying you think female friends are gay and might fancy you. Then - as you have here - you get offended when people point out that if you fancy women you’re probably gay or bisexual.

It’s a common theme of your threads.

It's unclear what inference you are taking from someone else's tale of seeking sex outside his celibate marriage, or what it has to do with you fancying a person of unspecified sex who works at an information desk in a railway station.

Ok so you fancy the train station worker. Be brave and go up and ask them out or for their number.

Worst they can do is say no. But if they say no, which is highly likely, you must then leave them alone and not ask again.

And don't waste their time asking silly fake questions about maps.

I mean, asking her out would have been no more weird than going back to the train station just to gawp at her.

If you want advice on how to thank them - you've already thanked them. There's nothing further required.

If you want advice on how to stalk them - you're on your own, sorry.

I was pointing out that when women go through menopause they like interest in sex and in my case I lost interest in sexual desire and stopped fancying anyone

The best thing for you to do is work on yourself.
You do come across as abit odd.

You cant be stalking people,you just might be left red faced at the end, dont put yourself through that.

Agree with this.

OP, you’re defensively saying that you didn’t say the person at the station was a female (which it clearly was) and strongly denying being a lesbian for some reason.

Whereas you have posted repeatedly about the topics mentioned by the poster above.

Why are you getting so defensive and denying being a lesbian?

You are obviously attracted to women and I think you need to explore why you feel shame about this / in denial about it.

Because it is impacting your life and causing issues with friends. It’s apparent to people on here just from the things you post that there are some deeper issues at play.

You didn't stop fancying people. You stopped fancying men.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5388851-being-attracted-to-same-sex

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5408950-sexuality

I did fancy a nan two years ago. He was a friend of a friend. Nothing happened and he moved away to Scotland

I never said it was a fenale. I do still find some men attractive so thats why I dont identify as lesbian I would say bisexuality. Ive dated men before but never a woman, so it would be interesting to see how that would feel. I dont mix in lesbian circles and dont really have any desire to do so

Unfortunate typo.

So the person at the station was a man?

Well, I believe the OP isn't far off retirement age, so it's perfectly possible that she fancies a nan from time to time. (Though this particular nan being a he does put paid to this theory...)

First you said the only reason you considered stalking this mysteriously non-gendered railway worker was that this was the first time you’d fancied anyone / had sexual feelings for years.

But now you’re saying that you still fancy men, and recently you were also posting about being turned on by ‘lesbian films’ and dreaming about kissing a woman you know, and you also fancied a man two years ago. So you clearly do fancy people, gender notwithstanding, and you do have sexual feelings. So your crush on this person at the station isn’t actually a reawakening of your desire at all, is it?

You sound extremely confused and a bit repressed.

Also LOL at ‘lesbian circles’. You do know that lesbians live, work, socialise and do hobbies with non-lesbians too, right? They don’t all live in lesbian-specific gated communes in Hebden Bridge.

Yes, but lesbians have their own circles. That's why they have gay bars and other lesbian social events.

It’s not a he.

I’m pretty certain the person at the station is a she but for some reason OP won’t admit it.

There’s a whole load of stuff going on here.

Yes, but that doesn't mean that's the only way you'd be able to meet lesbians - or that all lesbians go to those places.