Why would school refuse a call and insist on a meeting

[Insistingonit]

My dd is in year 5. Attendance hasn’t been good due to frequent illness. Once she got to 90% the school insisted on a GP appt to verify Illness each time which we did. We already supply the appt letters for appts in school time.

She is now at 88% . We have continued to provide proof of illness. They are insisting on speaking to us we agreed and said we will arrange a phone or video call. They said it has to be in person. Why? We are happy to discuss but don’t see the difference?

@mumatlast14 ,

‘Oh. Are school staff so disrespectful that they wouldn't give their full attention to the meeting because it was a video call?’

They are pretty busy. So, who knows? It’s the nature of a video call that you have no idea how much attention is being paid to you and how much multitasking is going on.

Depends on the school and depends on the staff member. Not sure what you are querying really?

The OPs child has been pretty unlucky though. That isn't her fault and there often isn't a damn thing you can do about it.

When I was a kid, I used to get tonsillitis at least 5 times a year (though interestingly enough, this wasn't deemed enough for a tonsilectomy), plus other illnesses. I had one school year where I had something like 16 days off school before we even got to the Christmas holidays due to Scarlet Fever, flu (genuine flu, not just a bad cold), and tonsillitis. Sometimes you really do hit a run of bad luck with illnesses, and once you've had one which was quite rough, it can just completely obliterate your immune system to you end up being more susceptible to further illnesses.

A face to face interview where they can see the effect of what you say on your child and vice versa is something that a video call cannot really reproduce, a video call can be interrupted with technical issues, so much can be hidden consciously/ unconsciously. Who looks after your child when they are ill at home. As others have said this could trigger further interventions.

QueenofErrors - one error spotted already, OP has already said the child isn't invited to this meeting.

Does the schools policy state that such a meeting can happen by phone/video?

Imagine doing that with Chickenpox

I think schools are stuck somewhere in the 1960s and expect with a click of their fingers for a parent to come running into school and follow their instructions to the letter and turn up and act like these teachers are superior to them so anything they say, no matter how unqualified they are, is the law.

It’s that denial that for working parents they can’t just leave a job to visit a school
to discuss historic absences.

If school deem a doctors note isn’t worth the paper it is written on then what exactly do they think they can do to have got better attendance.

I think schools just expect some basic respect, which judging by this thread is sadly lacking in some quarters. I'm not a teacher, nor do I work in a school. They have a job to do and a lot of responsibilities. Some of the 'sticking it to the school' posts are just embarrassing.

From what I’ve read this morning schools aren’t even meant to ask for evidence of illness unless they doubt the authenticity, I have fully complied with their request. I’m not obstructing their process as I haven’t declined a meeting. We are trying to juggle things and compromise.

I can’t find anything in the schools policy about meetings needing to be face to face either. I posted because I was confused why the school are so against a video call

The school are probably wondering why you are so against a face to face. I know I am

Mine was down to 33%.

He had 2 days off but because these were in the first 3 days of school I had to attend weekly meetings at the school for the next 19weeks (if he didn’t get ill over the winter term
It ended up costing me my job and without a job there wasn’t any point in sending him into school so I decided to home school him.

The U turn the school made when I put in his notice that he wouldn’t be returning to the school was incredible.
Apoarently I now didn’t have to have any meetings at the school each week. DS didnt have to do any of his BS detentions (he was given a detention because of a disability)

It was all too little too late.

I do think teachers ignore what parents say. They think they know better then get a shock and are genuinely surprised when what they are told will happen, happens.

I’ve explained why: I dont see what it can do to help the situation which is due to things out of our control ? That we also have to juggle work as have had a lot of time off for dd and have appointments coming up so a video call we can do on a lunch break

A face to face you can also do on a lunch break, and I do not know any reasonable employer that would not allow you the time. It sounds like there is a specific reason you are so against it, and what I can tell you, is that the school will not take your refusal lightly and that you are heading down a path. Just go to the meeting? Your stubbornness is ridiculous

Neither of us work anywhere near the school we wouldn’t get there and back in time

OP, if she's in Year 5 they may well have looked at her attendance levels from the previous few year. It would really be very unusual for a child who was just "unlucky" in having so many viruses THIS year to display the same pattern year after year. If she does, then yes, there should be a concern that something is wrong with her health and school would be right to flag this up and want to discuss this with you at a meeting so they can be aware of it, and you as a parent should also want to discuss such a health concern/medical need with them.

I find that many working parents who don't have grandparents etc to look after their sick child tend to have to send them into school for milder things, and let the school know that they are a bit under the weather, they've had calpol, and please can school phone you if the child appears to be too unwell to cope with school.

Some parents who work PT or from home, or have family help, tend to want to keep their child off for every time their child has a snotty nose or a bit of a sore throat. And that does not help the child develop resilience about such things as they grow up. As adults we can't take time off every time we have a cold or a slight headache.

It's probably this that the school wants to dig deeper about. Are you just keeping her off every time she has a sniffle, when she could actually go into school?

I don’t know why people are struggling to get this. A video call is clearly much more convenient as the OP can just do it from work without needing to take time off. What are the school actually going to say other than the child’s attendance is poor. The OP can’t help the fact her kid had chicken pox. What is she going to do in the meeting- basically just say yes I hope my kid doesn’t get sick.

I know that schools are under a huge amount of pressure regarding attendance levels.

OP’s employer may have similar policies. It sounds like OP’s level of absence is pushing her own employer’s tolerances.

Whilst I would hope that a meeting with the school would bring about some sort of positive outcome, it’s difficult to see what this could be. At present it seems to be a ‘box ticking’ exercise.

For all of the ‘safeguarding’ comments, it seems unlikely that a face to face meeting without the child being present will be productive. OP has seen other professionals. She cannot help the level of genuine illness her child suffers.

Ironically the best way to keep her child as illness free as possible would probably be to keep them away from the germ ridden school environment, and no one wants that.

With a similar level of absence I probably would have attended a face to face meeting because hell would have frozen over before I asked my overworked GP to leave more serious cases to provide medical evidence for minor, self limiting childhood illnesses.

One can't help wondering if school just want OP to be a captive audience for the attendance affects outcomes lecture. Salt into the wound for a parent who's genuinely doing their best and has evidenced this as thoroughly as humanly possible.

Please explain to the class why Social Services would be interested in a child who is in school as often as she can be, who's parent is present at drop off and pick up daily, who isn't behind in her school work, is clean and well presented, and who's absences have all been backed up by medical evidence.. simply because the parent, who they could have talked to at drop off, or pick up, or at parents evening, refuses to attend an in-person meeting because they can't afford to take the time off work?

They wouldn't. So please stop spreading bullshit.. sincerely a TA who was safeguard trained.

Out of interest what has your DD attendance been like in previous years?

If you pick up and drop off daily can't you have this in person meeting at pick up time?

What was the point of OP posting when she doesnt actually want peoples opinions 🙄

Majority of the time it’s been fine but deterioration has been from early in year 4 she just started catching a lot more illnesses. They had mixed the classes we wondered at first was it just a different group of children maybe some sent in when not well more than her previous class. The GP hasn’t been concerned and he said often that it’s within the normal limits of viral and other illnesses we had to really push for some bloods which will be done in the Easter holidays.