Why would school refuse a call and insist on a meeting

[Insistingonit]

My dd is in year 5. Attendance hasn’t been good due to frequent illness. Once she got to 90% the school insisted on a GP appt to verify Illness each time which we did. We already supply the appt letters for appts in school time.

She is now at 88% . We have continued to provide proof of illness. They are insisting on speaking to us we agreed and said we will arrange a phone or video call. They said it has to be in person. Why? We are happy to discuss but don’t see the difference?

I’m a former school leader. We had a flowchart of escalation to follow with attendance. It sounds to me like there have been phone calls and emails etc. and the next step is an in-person meeting, likely because your DC’s attendance has dropped below a threshold. It’s policy. It is also for safeguarding and this applies to some children and families more than others, of course. We found the in-person meetings far more effective than Teams one. I understand your DC has been quite poorly though and I’m sorry to hear that. It does happen with some children but it’d be poor of the school to not follow policy - not to mention the relevant staff will also be in trouble. I was often in work between 7am and 7pm and I know many leaders and staff responsible for attendance with similar hours so I’d ask about a time that’s convenient for you if you really can’t miss work.

Before or after school as you do drop offs/pick ups.

but this has been said many times and you still don’t want to.

Can I ask what is discussed at this type of meeting ? I’m confused as can’t see it being productive more a case of ‘she’s been absent too much’ and we have shown why it’s not something we can influence though so what points would they even be likely to raise ?

i still have the two pointedly politely shitty emails i sent the my kids primary school in response to their shitty/threatening letters on attendance.

One they'd include 3 days worth of my disabled sons suspension/fixed-term exclusions and told them that if that was usual policy then they could refer themselves to the HT for evidence on his absences.

The other one i asked them if they wanted me to ignore their 48hr fixed absence policy for D&V as that made up 5 out of the 9 days my DD had off sick in the year, and if they'd pay the £10 a go my GP charged for evidence letters as our local surgery refused to make appointments for normal childhood illnesses.

I'd honestly tell them politely, to get stuffed.

This could all be so simple. The OP's intransigence s making it complicated.

OP, why not email school being super-reasonable and super-polite, along these lines:

Thank-you for your invitation to come into school to talk about DD's level of absence due to illness. I am of course keen to work with school in any way I can to support my daughter.

Having had quite a number of days off work this school year to care for DD when she has been ill and to take her to medical appointments, I am not currently able to take off further time to come into school during my normal working hours. With travel, I could be absent from work for up to half a day. I need to balance retaining my job with doing the right thing by my daughter.

May I suggest that we meet either before the school day begins or in the evening after xpm? Alternatively, we could meet online at lunchtime. Please let me know what would work best.

To help me plan for the meeting, could you let me know what the purpose of the meeting is, the points you wish to discuss, and the desired outcome?

Yours sincerely,

What role do you imagine social work would have here? The child is at school as often as her health allows, she is achieving academically, her parents are engaging with health services and have complied with the schools request for evidence of illness, including minor bugs. They’re pushing back on attending a routine attendance meeting face to face, but happy to do it online.

The school won’t gain anything face to face, they child won’t be there so nothing to observe in parent/child interaction and the meeting is in school so nothing to observe about home conditions. The parents have, and will continue to miss a lot of work due to their child’s health and are asking the school to help them minimise this by meeting online at a convenient time. Social workers are there for actual, evidenced child protection concerns, not because parents won’t comply with the schools unreasonable demands.

In the absence of any other concerns, as a social worker, I’d bounce the referral straight back where it came from. We’re not an enforcement agency for schools worried about ticking an Ofsted box.

It’s very frustrating and I just don’t see what any type of meeting can achieve if I’m honest. I’m prepared to compromise and attend an online meeting but even that seems like a waste of time as it’s not like I can influence viruses !

Who from the school is going to be at this meeting? Video calls are really tricky if there's 3 people. They can also be surreptitiously recorded.

I appreciate it's difficult to juggle, however, you're seeing this from your point of view where it's much easier for one person to 'fit it in' between everything else they're doing. Perhaps the school don't want you to 'fit it in' and instead want you to prioritise.

Around 4 weeks off school is a lot - proof or no proof - and the school might want a longer conversation about how best to support your child.

I believe you might also want to consider what the Department of Education has to say: "In 2022/23, 21.2% of pupils were recorded as “persistently absent” (defined by the Department for Education as missing 10% or more of possible school sessions)." It would appear that your child falls into the 'persistently absent category' and this is a cause for concern.

Totally wrong, not least because discourtesy never moves anything on and DD will become known as a child with a parent who is a pain in the bum.

Perhaps the parent wants to prioritise the health needs of her child, and in doing so has impacted her employment - which is also essential for the welfare of her child. Perhaps she needs to prioritise her employment where she can because her employers have accommodated many health appointments and she needs to maintain their goodwill. Perhaps the school could accept that a routine attendance meeting could be just as effective online. Perhaps the school could recognise that they aren’t the first priority for a parent dealing with a child who has various health needs which do need priority.

But the protocol is stupid in this case.

OP’s daughter has been ill. She has sought medical advice - if she hadn’t, then there might be a safeguarding issue there.

What possible benefit is there to the OP or her child having to take time off work, possibly risking her employment, for a completely unnecessary meeting that is not goi)g to have the slightest bit of influence on whether or not her daughter is ill in the future.

Some schools need to realise they are not the ultimate authorities over parents.

There is no issue in refusing to comply with a ridiculous order.

To be honest, it’s likely to be reiterating what you’ve already been told be them in part. However, it’ll be entirely dependent on your DC, their individual health, attainment, what support is available… As a parent, I’d be asking about my DC’s reading, writing and maths mainly and asking if there’s anything we can do at home to support beyond reading with them and ensuring homework is completed etc. In my experience, they are far more likely to get off your back if you engage. If you didn’t engage, I would have notified my own line manager, for instance. This did happen once (although not related to attendance) and my boss had far less flexible hours and simply gave an appointment time for parents to see him. It was during the working day.

We recently had parents evening dd is ahead in all areas and doing well. The teacher said she is happy and friendly member of class and gets on well with everyone and everything.

Your boss would be waiting a long time for me to come to a meeting they demanded to tell me things I already knew and to do some performative engagement.

It might be worth reading this OP

Working together to improve school attendance (applies from 19 August 2024)

specifically CODE I on pages 86/87

365. Schools are not expected to routinely request that parents provide medical evidence to support illness absences. Schools should only request reasonable medical evidence in cases where they need clarification to accurately record absence in the attendance register [...] Only where the school has genuine and reasonable doubt about the authenticity of the illness should medical evidence be requested to support the absence.

Where medical evidence is deemed necessary, schools should not be rigid about the form of evidence requested and should speak to the family about what evidence is available. Schools should be mindful that requesting additional medical evidence unnecessarily places pressure on health professionals, their staff and their appointment system, particularly if the illness is one that does not require treatment by a health professional.

Well presumably that's a professional issue of the teachers making and not a safeguarding one. You would hope that the teachers would be professional enough to be able to give the meeting their full attention regardless to whether it was f2f, telephone or online.

There is a social worker commenting on the thread who has literally said they wouldn't even entertain this as somrthing needing SW intervention. The only silly women I see are the ones such as yourself who are berating a parent who is frustrated at the school being difficult

This is partly why I’m confused as we have met the demands every time for GP evidence. I wouldn’t routinely take her to the GP for viral illness but the main thing was the school wanted a fever of 38 verified independently as they told us we must follow nhs ‘is my child too ill for school’ regulations but that it needed to be verified so we had to go on occasions and not give dd paracetamol beforehand so as not to mask a fever over 38. This was essentially a waste of the GP time but they wouldn’t accept me saying she had a fever. We haven’t been non compliant but it’s just getting a bit much now

Employer can allow meetings at their discretion.

Most employers would be asking can this be:

a. Done after work hours.
B. During lunch break even if meaning taking lunch at a different time

They can allow a half day or full day unpaid if this would not be detrimental to the business but they do not have to. Or parents han book time off providing it would not be detrimental to the business

If the parents work an hour from school and the meeting was an hour that is 3 hours missing from work. If done remotely that means just one hour. That's a big difference to expect employers to facilitate

I think the school is being unreasonable as even if they want parents to sign an agreement this paperwork could be sent home with child or handed over at pick up time

Incidentally, I wouldn't be signing anything agreeing to increase of attendance as health absences can be unpredictable and child will either have a good run of health or continue to have health issues

yup.. there is also this bit on page 12

In the first instance, all schools are expected to:
• Support pupils and parents by working together to address any in-school barriers to attendance.
• Where barriers are outside of the school’s control, all partners should work together to support pupils and parents to access any support they may need voluntarily.

I would argue that their refusal to speak to you over the phone due to your work commitments directly goes against this advice. I would have NO issue in quoting it at them either.

In that case why doesn’t the school actually tell the parents; this is the way the govt. want it done?

I know what employers can and can’t do cheers. I work in HR. OP is being completely ridiculous and there is something fishy about the story. Child is off a hugely unreasonable amount of time unless there is something seriously wrong with child. Mums insistence that she cannot attend a face to face is a HUGE red flag

So you know about every employer’s policies in the country?

It’s the school being ridiculous here, not OP.

This! With bells on!

@Insistingonit Can I suggest that you push back on the school and ask what they are doing to limit your daughter's likelihood of catching illness. In particular, what airborne mitigation do they have in place? Viruses are airborne (breathed out by sick people, inhaled by others who fall sick - this includes chickenpox, measles, RSV, flu, covid, other respiratory viruses and also norovirus).

1. Are they monitoring co2 in classrooms?
2. Are they regularly ventilating the rooms with open windows?
3. Are they running any air purifiers?

You have the Dept of Education on your side in times of standards being required for indoor air quality in schools - they have just updated guidance. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/ventilation-and-air-quality-in-education-and-childcare-settings

There's much evidence that HEPA filters reduce school sickness e.g. https://www.newscientist.com/article/2398713-schools-cut-covid-19-sick-days-by-20-per-cent-using-hepa-air-filters/

There are plenty iof resources geared at schools including this webinar on 11 March
By Unison https://events.teams.microsoft.com/event/bcb51bc0-82bd-4cae-84b4-6d2d165fec4c@d7c21edf-d541-49a4-9f5a-7737832d42c7

These websites:
https://www.safeairschools.org/

https://www.covidsafetyforschools.org/

From one switched on headteacher to others: https://stevebheadteacher.wordpress.com/2026/02/22/and-breathe/

Play them at their game. Tell the school you won't meet in person because to do so poses an infection risk. And their continual focus on attendance over health is driving further ill health.

We as parents need to stop letting our children learn in unhealthy environments where they are forced to breathe in a fug of viruses. Sick children can't learn properly.