Receiving Disturbing Cards

[Circularspandex]

Name changed because it's outing.

DH and I have been together for twenty three years and have two teenage children.

Last year, about a week before mother's day, I received a mother's day card with my name written inside and then a heart. Nothing else. I didn't recognise the handwriting. It was posted from a city which is at the other end of the country (NE and I live in the SW). My street name was misspelled on the envelope.

I was freaked out by it, but ignored it after a while.

We've been away this weekend, but have just found another one in our letterbox. Similar To My Mother card, with my name and heart. Written in the same green pen, it seems.

This time there's no address, stamp or postmark on it, which is really worrying. It just has my name on her front. Unfortunately our Ring doorbell has run out of battery and we haven't charged it.

Do you think I should contact the police? DH thinks I should, but I don't want them to think I'm wasting their time.

I definitely do not have any other children.

😆Yes, the obvious solution.

Could it be intended for your daughter?

No, you're absolutely not over-reacting.
I felt quite unnerved reading your message. You really don't know what this person's agenda might be, so please do speak to the police - if you haven't already.

I used to be a mental health support worker many moons ago. A client somehow got hold of my home landline, and was making silent calls to me at all hours of the night.
At least I was familiar with who this person was though.

I haven't read through all the posts, so apologies if you've already answered this question previously, but have you ever worked with vulnerable teens/adults? Is it possible that someone you've helped has become enamoured with you?

Possibly sent last year by someone who was at uni but perhaps they have returned now hence why hand delivered this year and not posted

I think I would raise this on the non-emergency police line. It's not demanding they expend huge resources on it, but it's possible it will be tapped into a database and dots will be connected. Or follow the stalker help posted upthread

Last year's card makes childhood pranks less likely, and there are a few elements here that add up to be unsettling.

Not sure if anyone else has said this already, but maybe the person who sent it lives nearby and was on holiday when they sent the first card, as it was from a coastal town?

I think this is pretty disturbing, sorry to say. They came to your house. I would personally call 111 and tell the police. Maybe they’ve done it to other people. But to me it doesn’t sound like a ‘fun’ prank. More like someone fixated on you in a not very nice way, an ex, the new partner of an ex, someone who fancies your husband, someone you’ve pissed off. Maybe someone who fancies you but has a weird way of showing it. No harm in recording it with a police. I don’t think someone is using green pen here because it is pretty, I think it’s an obvious signifier. It was the first thing that jumped out at me.

I don't think it would be overreacting to report it. The police probably won't do anything, but it would be good to start a chain of evidence in case it goes further.

Different circumstances, but I received a slightly weird hand delivered card from an acquaintance, asking me out. I ignored it as I wasn't interested, put it in the bin. His next step was to turn up at my house drunk in the middle of the night, trying to get me to let him in... the police had to get involved.

Trust your instincts.

While I agree it’s odd and would drive me bonkers trying to work out why/who etc this is NOT something that needs reporting to the police.
It’s not illegal to send someone who isn’t your mother a Mother’s Day card.
Theres noting identifying
Theres no threat
Theres no law broken.
It’s one card a year - it’s not stalking or harassment,

The police don’t come out for car thefts and burglaries ffs - no wonder if people think they need phoning for everything,
My mum got a Christmas card every year for about 6 years and she didn’t have a CLUE who it was from. It was signed & from an unusual name too, not one you would forget. We spent many a cup of tea trying to work out who the hell it was. Then they just stopped.
At no point did she phone the police.

Green ink
Authority & Secret Intelligence: The Chief of the British Secret Intelligence Service (MI6) uses green ink to sign documents, a tradition originating from its first chief, Sir Mansfield Cumming ("C"). Similarly, it is used by high-ranking naval officers in the Royal Navy and Royal Australian Navy.
"Green-Ink Letters" (Eccentricity): In the UK, the term refers to long, ranting, or eccentric letters sent to newspapers or politicians.
Professional/Financial Usage: Used in accounting for positive figures or for specific, non-final checkmarks.

This is so bizarre. I can see why you would be freaked out by it! Police can always make a log of things but I don't think it is much to go on to be honest. As for the biker he could just be a messenger if the sender wanted to remain anonymous.
I don't understand it because the pattern is only linked to mothers day as well. If it was a secret admirer, more likely you'll be receiving the cards around valentine's instead of something!

Secret affair, secret pregnancy and birth too, that she has also blocked from her mind?

@Hollyhobbi You don't surprise me, once these lads get the bit between their teeth, little short of chokey stops them & that's usually only respite rather than cure.

No of course you should not contact the police unless you feel you are in danger. Total waste of their time. Someone sending you a card is bizarre if you do not know them so definitely keep the doorbell charged so you can see if another one is sent.

It's not illegal but it is weird in a way that a random (and signed) Christmas card wouldn't be though.

A mother's day card is personal and individual - you'd only send one to someone who's either your birth/step/adopted mother and you'd only receive one from a birth/step/adopted child. It'd definitely be someone you knew though.

If you were trying to make contact with someone, why would you only do it once a year on this occasion? No Christmas card? Not know when their birthday is? Why not give them some way of contacting you back? What's the message you're trying to send? Presumably you're expecting them to know (or guess) who sent it.

I agree that mistaken identity is the most likely explanation, but it would make me unnerved because it could escalate.

Mothers Day isn't for a fortnight yet though, so why so early?

'Jane Doe' is rather an American term... wouldn't you say?

That would freak me out tbh. Doing it once can be a prank but doing it twice is harassment! whoever is sending it is doing it to maybe cause you some sort of stress or anxiety. The fact that this year it's been hand delivered is even more cause for concern! Why use the same green coloured pen, that seems menacing to me! Its worth logging it with the police to see what they say. Here in the UK it probably would be classed as malicious communication if it's causing you distress.

Why haven’t you responded to this, OP?

Because a) it implies she hasnt had either and b) even if she had, it would be none of your business!

She answered the question

Bear in mind that if it's someone who incorrectly thinks they've identified you as their birth mother it would probably be your maiden name that they were originally looking for, not your unusual married name. It would be easy for them then to find your marriage record online, and if your married name is unusual then to track down your address.

I personally think I would talk to the police. The same thing happening twice, particularly escalating from something posted to something hand delivered, seems like a potential stalking scenario to me. If there's also potentially a witness sighting then maybe there's an opportunity for the police to investigate using CCTV, for instance. I know everyone says the police don't have enough time in to investigate anything but serious, violent crime but that's not necessarily true, depending on local resources and priorities. The worst that can happen is that they tell you to dream on. I can't see a downside to reporting it tbh.

Hmm. This is very odd, hence my very very odd/reaching suggestion: has your oh possibly had a child in the past that you don't know about, and is now having a ham-fisted stab at stirring? Or their mother is? Or a different type of family secret, eg a sibling you don't know about? I know how bonkers that sounds but it must have come from somewhere.

Do you have any kind of online presence, OP? Hobby videos, old parenting blog, anything like that? Is it possible someone mentally unwell could have stumbled on your content and formed a parasocial attachment?

@Circularspandex

Have you checked your 23&me account to see if any new names have popped up? Not that you would be shown as their mother, but might be some clues there.

Also, we bought a 2nd Ring battery so when we take one out, there's one ready to go.

I think it's either a case of mistaken identity or was meant for a previous resident. I know your name is unusual, but stranger things have happened.