A number of things. It took me 40 years to realise that money wasn’t it (I had married a multimillionaire arsehole and divorced him) and pleasing my parents (abusive and negative) wasn’t it, counselling about my childhood helped but really and truly it was the merging of things-
I had two great children, both ND and both hard work, I had two great dogs again hard work and stressful job. I met my husband and I was like ‘oh there you are’ and my soulmate was in my life. No stress. Just he makes it all better. Housework more than halved overnight. Money worries disappeared. Suddenly I had someone to team tag with. Tomorrow I get to lie in and he will take youngest to rugby. I have a peaceful morning and I’m volunteering in the afternoon. He’s not a push over and he would defend me and his adult child a mine to the hilt but it’s just easy! Once you have that you can concentrate on other stuff.
My garden makes me happy and the allotment we do together. Good friends with good boundaries. Saying no makes me happy, I’m a people pleaser and I used to find people would drop off their three kids as ‘I was home anyway’ and now no one does.
So really honestly happiness I found is the absence of stress, time in the garden, or allotment, audio book and a good sleep.