When children leave home - what is it like?

[Toosoonforahotcrossbun]

You are going to think I am crazy.

It has literally just popped in to my head that my children will leave home one day.

I know I sound mad. Of course I knew that but it’s just occurred to me they will leave home and it will just be DH and I. It won’t be the 4 of us anymore. I want to pause time and stay like this for longer.

It’s devastating!!

Does it feel natural when the time comes?

Please tell me it does!!

For me it was a grief from which I have never totally recovered. I’m very lucky and I see my boys fairly frequently but when they were little I would have not believed that days, weeks even might go by when I didn’t hear from them let alone see them. Make the most of your children while you have them with you.

DS went travelling for a year but we knew he was coming home so that was quite different for me compared to the build up to DD leaving home for Uni which was difficult and very emotional. I kept thinking, this is the last time I'll be going into her bedroom to say goodnight - this is the last time I'll hear her brushing her teeth. hahah sounds unhinged now but the emotion was REAL at the time!

Now it's lovely to not have that daily grind of worry you get as a parent. I mean, I still worry about them but they live elsewhere now and are out of sight and both have partners who are there for the daily worrying so it is definitely way less stressful!

It was awful when they first went out in their cars after they learnt to drive - that was so stressful and it took a while for me to get over that!

Now, if they're happy, I'm happy. And DH and I have plenty of money and time for ourselves now which is rather nice!

I’ve just paid out for fitted wardrobes in all of my girls rooms it looks so fancy I can confirm in about 5 years when the first one leaves I’ll have a fancy dressing room all to myself and I will definitely appreciate one fifth of a healthy washing basket. On a serious note however I hope it never happens and I’ve spent this money in the hope they’re too comfortable to leave me.

My oldest moved out a year ago and I cried for the first few weeks. It turns out I prefer her when we don’t live together 😂 I get the good bits (days out, calls about anything and everything) without the annoying parts like her messiness and the stress of what time she’s getting in. I do always ask her to text me when she gets home late and she laughs and doesn’t. I still have one at home which is lovely but I also look forward to all the things my husband and I will do once they move out too.

It's weird the house is too quiet. You sort of feel you can do things and in a strange way be more independent. And you worry a lot.

It was hard. Still is tbh as I’m single so the house is very quiet.

I’d get a dog but can’t as I work and it wouldn’t be fair on the poor thing.

I definitely don’t want another relationship though!

Yeah there is a long period where they have sort of half left.

my oldest left for June six years ago. In that time I’ve had about six months without any of my children living with me as he came back for a year after uni before finding a shared flat in London and then shortly after that my dd came back after uni and now finally two years later she’s got a room in a shared flat for September.

she’s 25.

Yes this!

It’s worse when you haven’t seen them for a while.

For me and my husband it was absolute bliss. We love them dearly and they are all 3 at Uni so still home in holidays, but we find it quite stressful now when they are all home, often with partners in tow. Husband keeps threatening to downsize but I have to keep reminding him that they will need a place to come to for a few years yet.

I have never understood empty nest syndrome or grief..I am very close to my dks, 4 of them.oldest DD left home at 16, live in job, I collected her weekends. DS,at 18, they did house or flat shares, youngest DD moved in with boyfriend at 18, now lives down the road from us. I was a grandparent at 42, looking after granddaughter, then grandson, working full time. Oldest DD used to revert to being a teenager, when she came round, put a stop to that. Am pleased that I equipped them to be adults.

It's heartbreaking and devastating at that moment. I cried for a few days when ds went to uni. It feels like you will never get over it. But then you do! I miss him but over time you then̈ realise you don't miss the harder bits. Like him washing ten loads of washing in one go and leaving it in one festering damp ball to dry out 😂

I have another three at home. It is weird but it's the ultimate goal isn't it? To raise functioning adults. It's how it should be and believe me it's actually a blessing some parent don't get to see for various reasons. Got to keep reminding myself this too

This! Doubt I will get rid of my 4DC!

Two of my 3 older ones left and came back and then left again. And then one came back again briefly. And my no.3 hasnt left at all! So firstly don't assume that a) when they go they're gone forever. At first. and b) that they'll go at all!

Also, if your kids are still young of course you can't imagine how it will feel, but you could say that about any future milestones: going out alone, boy friends, driving a car, getting on a plane without you, be out all night and not need permission (although mine always keep in touch for safety). If you've raised good confident young adults it will be a nice natural progression and you'll be proud and kept in the loop 😊

It happens by degree's so it is not a huge shock. Every year from when they start Secondary school you will see less and less of them. Once they do leave it is wonderful.

Quiet

Tidy, peaceful and you always know where the towels, pens, scissors and sellotape are.

Everybody’s situation is different. Our DS moved out to be with his GF during lockdown when the world was odd anyway. They live fairly close to us so we do see them frequently now. I think it’s harder when they move several hours away.

It was better for mine and DHs relationship as we previously used to argue over things like the state of DS’s room or the times he would come back at night so all of that discord disappeared.

If your life can accommodate a dog then it can certainly fill the gap that they leave (to a certain extent). I recall our first childfree holiday, which I had always worried would we sit there with nothing to say, but having the dog was like having a small child again, something to focus on whilst we got used to being just the two of us again.

Only my youngest ds is left at home, the other 3 are gone. Although my dss has just left again after staying since December. When my eldest dd left about 10 years ago, I was very ready 🤣 but we get on so much better now!

I honestly can't bear the thought, and it is all happening too quickly. I really think I might look into becoming a foster carer.

I found it absolutely devastating but also absolutely bloody marvellous!

It's often gradual! Dd is 20 and in her penultimate year of uni. It was a bit scary and sad as well as exciting when she first went, but it became normal pretty quickly and she's back in the holidays. Ds will be off to uni in September. So we'll have 3 years of him back and forth before we become proper 'empty-nesters'. It will be hard, but by that time we will be used to seeing them less, I guess.

It’s gradual if they go to uni. They’re in contact a lot on WhatsApp then come home so much for holidays. Comes at a time when you need a change. A bit more freedom, not having to get home to do things. I’d feel different if my dc didn’t come home for holidays though and weren’t in touch a lot.

My DC has just gone to university but a lot older than most other students (24)... we have a call once per week and we message every few days. I don't exactly miss him but I live in London so pretty much know he will be back. My eldest (35) moved out at 27!! I was glad to see him go!!

I was surprised how quickly we adjusted to it

Eldest went to uni and is now back living at home. Contrary to what people said in the run up to us dropping her, I didn’t shed a a tear, I was genuinely so excited for her. But I also had 2 more dc at home so that probably softened the blow!
middle one is at uni and the youngest is at senior school. Will be a long time before any of them can afford to move out.
And I’m kind of sad about it, I left home at 18 without any financial help from my parents, just a handful of jobs to keep me going.
its not as easy for this generation.
Genuinely can’t wait to have a quiet house!
love them all dearly and we have a lot of fun together but my god I crave peace sometimes and just not having someone wanting to chat at inconvenient (to me) times 😂