When children leave home - what is it like?

[Toosoonforahotcrossbun]

You are going to think I am crazy.

It has literally just popped in to my head that my children will leave home one day.

I know I sound mad. Of course I knew that but it’s just occurred to me they will leave home and it will just be DH and I. It won’t be the 4 of us anymore. I want to pause time and stay like this for longer.

It’s devastating!!

Does it feel natural when the time comes?

Please tell me it does!!

I didn't realise how much less washing we'd do - it's great (until the both pop back from Uni with a bag full) God knows why as they're more than happy to wash all their stuff when they're away!

The bills are also much lower too. We can now do a food shop for less than £100 a week and going to the pub is so cheap!

The strange thing for me is that DH works nights so every other week, I'm on my own every night which takes some getting used to. I have to try and make myself cook proper meals instead of just eating eggs and bagels!

We miss them but it's great when we catch up and hear what they've been up to (or not, as the case may be...!)

Oh yes. The washing. I notice it so much when DD comes home.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t be devastated when they leave!! But it won’t “finish me”

@Toosoonforahotcrossbun I doubt that you’ll be devastated tbh. Sad for a while, but you’ll start feeling better when they tell you that they’re doing well and enjoying their new lives.

The parents I know IRL whom I’d described as devastated are the ones whose adult children are struggling to become independent adults. One friend has a 25-year-old who’s run up debt, dropped out of uni without completing her degree and is now living at home doing nothing. That’s devastating.

The parents I know IRL whom I’d described as devastated are the ones whose adult children are struggling to become independent adults. One friend has a 25-year-old who’s run up debt, dropped out of uni without completing her degree and is now living at home doing nothing. That’s devastating.

I think this is the way to look at it. Knowing that your offspring are happy is what you want. The saying that you are only as happy as your unhappiest child is so very true.

An utter relief! Honestly, don't understand 'empty nest'.

Same.

I love DD to bits and have an excellent relationship with her, but she needs to be independent for her sake and ours.

I have one DC out of 3 still at home, she’s about to turn 18 and off to uni in the Autumn. DS1 and DS2 moved out early 20’s, DS2 met his gf at uni and they are now living together post graduation. I am happy for him, it wasn’t devastating at all as he’s an adult now and ready to lead his own life. I live within 1 mile currently, but am relocating in the summer 4hrs away, but he will visit often, and hoping eventually he will follow me there for cheaper housing and babysitting when the time comes!

It’s hard to imagine when DC are young, but for me it’s been a natural process of them ready to move on, and so am I. I have a full and busy life, and I think those that don’t do struggle more. I was a teen mum, so all my adult life i’ve been parenting and i’m 50 this year, and DD my youngest turns 18 later this month. I look back with fondness at those times they were little and so reliant on me, but equally this is my time now and i’m ready for the next chapter. My DC will always have a home with me if needed and all know they can contact me at anytime with any issue with no judgement from me.

Mine have been back for the weekend with their partners. It’s been so lovely to see them and spend time with them all … but the house is in chaos, the £230 food shop has disappeared and I’m feeling a bit jaded 🤣🤣

My daughter went to uni for four years and I assumed she’d move back when she had completed her degree. She didn’t. She had a job lined up and found a flat share so that was that. It was very weird at the time because I was prepared for the uni years but didn’t imagine for a minute she’d not move home! Nearly a decade on, I really love her visits and spending time with her. I still have a young teen but I am not sure how independent he will be because of his autism so that remains to be seen. I’m very proud of my eldest’s drive and independence though.

My DD (20) has just been home from uni for a long weekend. It was really lovely to see her, but I’m fine that she’s gone back and she’s happy to be returning to the flat she shares with friends. She won’t be back until after her final exams as she’s going away over spring break. Even then, it’ll probably just be a visit and she’ll spend the summer there working.

We don’t particularly want to live in the same house anymore tbh, not because we don’t love each other, but she’s so independent now and she likes her uni city.

They keep coming back - and they bring their partners too! At one point we had 5 with us - our teenager, our 2 in their 20’s and then their girlfriend/boyfriends. After a while you are quite glad for a bit of peace. We have 1 at home now and it’s lovely. 1 has their own flat close by, and 1 is travelling. They will come back too probably in the Spring, with girlfriend in tow so we will be back up to 3!

@Dilysthemilk Do you ask their partners for some rent/contribution to bills? I haven’t been in this situation yet.

I felt sad, a sense of loss.

I also found myself still cooking enough for the entire family for many weeks afterward, and then realising why the fridge was bursting at the seams with leftovers.

My DCs all left home for university at 18, but came home for breaks. It was only when they moved away after graduation that the reality hit.