Has anyone had a good outcome splitting from unmarried partner?

[rightflisk]

My niece has been with her partner since she was they left school, she's now 47 and has 3 children, older ones have left home but still has 15 year old at home with her (all with her ex). She hasn't worked since the youngest was born as she has additional needs (mostly fine day to day now) and her ex actively encouraged her to be a SAHM.

Her ex has multiple properties, very successful business and a lot of hidden cash (as well as unhidden), but she seemingly has nothing of her own. She is on the mortgage of their main property and did historically put money into in but there is still a huge mortgage on this one. He said he will make sure she's okay but hasn't said specifically what he means.

She is totally devastated, she thought they were happy and this came from nowhere, although I hate to say it but we (me and her mum) suspect there is someone else. She is looking for a job but doesn't really have many workplace skills. I have told her to see a lawyer but she's sticking her head in the sand a bit and keeps saying he'll look after her, but I think this is just her being in denial.

I know she is incredibly vulnerable financially and mentally and as they're unmarried I really worry for her. Has anyone else been through something similar.

Thank you.

You only get enrolled into a pension and pay NI if you earn above a certain amount. She could perhaps check this.

Thank you, some very helpful advice on here.

I think she would need to sell the house even if he paid off the mortgage and let her have it, it's huge and without a job I don't see how she could pay for it.

Is it her or her child who has additional needs? Either way she should make sure she claims everything she should for them (e.g. I know we'd be entitled to DLA for my sons disability, but I don't claim it as we don't need it financially and it's painful to claim - if we split up and money was tight, I'd definitely claim). She should speak to CAB and the job centre to ensure she's getting everything she is entitled to (I appreciate that sounds grabby but the system is there to help until she gets sorted). It takes a while and is complicated so she should register for that ASAP and then start thinking about work and how she supports herself, what she might get from the house and where she can afford to live.
If she's been a SAHM she could look at house keeping, child minding, nursery work, TA etc - she does actually have lots of skill in these areas (albeit the money isn't great). She has been on his payroll so his ltd company should supply her woth a reference to cover whatever duties they said she was doing, she should also make sure she has been/is continued to be paid by them (im assuming he did this as a tax dodge, to pay her as she's a lower rate tax payer, if he wants to stop this i suspect she may be entitled to notice or a redundancy payment as shes an official employee - she should not let him just remove her from the payroll without looking into this plus legal requirements like minimum wage and pension contributions). She also needs to calmly discuss with her ex what child maintenance he can pay, the system online can tell her the minimum for 1 child and the amount she will look after them, but if he's well off and cares then he can pay as much more as they agree.

My partner and I are not married (I didn't downshift my career to support his though) and we own our home as joint tenants so it comes to me if he dies and vice versa.
It is important to know whether your niece and her ex own their home through a 'joint tenancy' or as 'tenants in common'. There is more information here https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership.

By paying / taking a salary without doing any work for her ex's company, your niece and her ex were ripping off the taxman and, therefore, all of us. Sounds like the sort of thing the worst kind of MP would do.

He cant let her have the house its in joint names shes only entitled to half minus the mortgage, its not his responsibility that she isnt working, you all seem to be treating her like a child, shes 47!

he owns other properties including one he spends a lot of time at. I know he doesn’t have to but he could definitely afford to.

But why would he? She has let him trample all over her for 15 years, why would he be generous now he's leaving? Honestly, did no-one in the family ever caution her against being an unmarried SAHM? How is her job search going?

She IS incredibly vulnerable. She’s entitled to nothing other than maintenance for the children. And whatever she owns in her own right.

Entitlement to property depends on the property deeds.

The title deeds of the property will set out if they each have a 50/ 50 share if they are holding it as tenants in common. If they are joint tenants they both own it all.

Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to reply. I caught up with her mum yesterday, DN is going to see if she is entitled to any benefits and is starting to search for a job. Feeling a bit stronger too.

Her and ex are sitting down later in the week to make things more official in terms of what he will be leaving her with and what happens next with the house etc,

Does she know yet if they're joint tenants?

Sorry, I don't know.

In terms of a good outcome from splitting from an unmarried partner, OP, a friend of mine was in a relationship for best part of 10 years with a guy who worked in finance. He didn't want kids and was furious when she accidentally got pregnant, tried to bully her into an abortion and started cheating soon after. He ended it with her after the baby was born. As he owned a flat in the City and a house rurally, she stayed in the house (refused to move as she had nowhere to go with the baby) though he kept trying to evict her. She then got a solicitor and after a protracted legal case (it felt like it went on for a couple of years) got the rural property signed over to her. As well as much higher rates of child support than maximum CMS, because of his earnings, and he paid the childcare bill while she got on her feet with training and seeking a job.

If he is a millionaire, your niece should be getting independent legal advice, though presumably it's first worth checking what he offers, so she can tell a solicitor that.

Tell her in the meantime not to move out. But also gently encourage her to start thinking about the medium and tong term... is there something she'd like to study, to qualify her for a decent job in the future?

She can go online pay small amount get all the details. She does not need to wait or pay solicitor to do this. You can do it for her even
HM Land Registry - GOV.UK share.google/mN6lQqJyPIu5eZuY8

Thank you - one thing she's said is for now she is def staying put.

As other PP have said she entitled to maintenance for the child under 18 and anything in her sole name, and a proportion of anything in joint names. Nothing else.
If she is an employee of his company and draws a salary then that until he terminates her employment/or majes her redundant. It doesn't matter if she has worked in any capacity etc. If she's a long term employee then she has to be treated as such - pension contributions, severance pay.
A proper conversation needs to be had.
If the house is worth millions as you say - 50% of the property should buy her somewhere smaller and give her a chunk to help her whilst she finds a means to support herself.
And not to be funny if she lives in a million pound house why on earth should she be getting any benefits from the state? (Apart from universal child benefit).

Often I think there is a direct correlation with the men who don’t value marriage and those who absolutely shaft long term partners.

Decent men who divorce expect to still have responsibility for the family they created. Shitty men don’t who don’t value marriage often don’t see the family they created as an ongoing responsibility.

It is an unfortunate reality that bursts many a naïve woman’s bubble forever.

I'd encourage her to see about a registry office wedding etc.
I would keep quiet about suspicions he is cheating for her sake.
Her best bet is to get married while her youngest is still a child.
I'd also encourage her to take an interest in his business if she is on the books as an employee and check out if she has a pension etc.

He’s breaking up with her. How would she convince him to marry her??

@rightflisk your niece needs to take some decent advice from a specialist cohabitation lawyer. It’s a complex area with different laws than for married couples - a couple of hours good legal advice will tell her if this is something worth pursuing.

Have you actually understood what the OP is saying!?

Are you new to Mumsnet?

Thank you.

She will only get top up uc as she has a job!