Has anyone had a good outcome splitting from unmarried partner?

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My niece has been with her partner since she was they left school, she's now 47 and has 3 children, older ones have left home but still has 15 year old at home with her (all with her ex). She hasn't worked since the youngest was born as she has additional needs (mostly fine day to day now) and her ex actively encouraged her to be a SAHM.

Her ex has multiple properties, very successful business and a lot of hidden cash (as well as unhidden), but she seemingly has nothing of her own. She is on the mortgage of their main property and did historically put money into in but there is still a huge mortgage on this one. He said he will make sure she's okay but hasn't said specifically what he means.

She is totally devastated, she thought they were happy and this came from nowhere, although I hate to say it but we (me and her mum) suspect there is someone else. She is looking for a job but doesn't really have many workplace skills. I have told her to see a lawyer but she's sticking her head in the sand a bit and keeps saying he'll look after her, but I think this is just her being in denial.

I know she is incredibly vulnerable financially and mentally and as they're unmarried I really worry for her. Has anyone else been through something similar.

Thank you.

I’m not sure blackmail is the way to go.

Blackmail sounds a bit dramatic. If he withholds money she needs to be able to negotiate. This might be the only power she has

The salary should equate to the duties of the person carrying them out.

taxaid.org.uk/tax-information/self-employed-or-business-owner/salaries-for-family-members

“We thought it would happen some day”

For 30 years?!

Yes, I didn’t get married to my DH until we’d been together for 10 years and post children, nobody ever questioned why. We did in the end without much fuss. I suppose I thought her situation was similar.

Thanks for all the replies.

What does ‘a lot’ of equity mean?

If she ends up with something like £700k to buy a house outright, then that’s great and she just needs to get a job to pay the bills.

This is key information which will impact her decision process now.

What else would you call “give me more money or I’ll report you to for tax fraud”?

THIRTY years.

Thank you - I can read.

Prove that it's not reasonable. Working from home could be any number of hours you want to submit and any job title you fancy.

I could think of any number of people (not related) who don't deserve their salaries!

If she gets him bankrupted she definitely won't get anything and neither will their children.

But there isn't anything to suggest his company isn't 100% legitimate and doesn't pay all taxes due. Hiring a forensic accountant to look at the books would be expensive and I doubt he would cooperate with her checking the company out.

I don't actually think his company is dodgy, he's pretty high profile in his industry and he's always seemed quite above board.

You’d be surprised. I know a quite big company where the wife is named as director and is barely involved. She has another job entirely. Yes I don’t mean go nuclear but it does sound like the only thing she could mention if he leaves her with nothing. It’s up to him. He might simply give her more money to avoid his company being scrutinised.

thank you. I mean up until now I’d always considered my niece’s husband to be one of the good guys, he was amazing when their 3rd child was born, super supportive, took time out of his business to be at home more, they always looked to be a real team. I do understand people’s feelings do change but to have an affair (which does seem to be happening) is so shitty.

did they get married in the last hour? The whole
issue here is that he isn’t her husband!

Sorry partner - very Freudian slip there. 🙈

All these independent woman thinking marriage is old fashioned are bonkers. It is a legal contract that gives you rights and protections and protections for your children. If you don’t want a wedding then have a civil partnership.

So sorry to hear this. A relative of mine split from their partner although they were married so slightly different situation. We encouraged them to seek legal advice although everything seemed amicable it was just as a back up just in case so they knew where they stood if necessary so perhaps you could suggest legal advice to her on the just in case basis.

Yeah split from an unmarried partner and kept the house.

she has kids so she can’t be made homeless. She hasn’t been putting in to a pension because she hasn’t been working due to being a sham. Whereas he has. Use this as her fight.

There is little legal protection and she absolutely can be made homeless. His responsibility is to his dependent child: he has none towards the ex-partner.

If her name is on a joint mortgage she has some equity rights at least. But needs to check how property is owned eg joint or tennants in common.

If by “good outcome” you mean has ended up with more than they’re legally entitled to then I don’t think it helps you to hear that, OP. At the end of the day your niece bumbled along in a relationship where she was highly vulnerable to being left high and dry. Her partner could now give her £1million if he wanted to. He could also leave her with very little. Knowing the generosity or otherwise of other people’s exes is really neither here nor there.

Your niece needs to work out whether they’re joint tenants or tenants in common on their shared property. If they’re tenants in common it’s possible that the split of equity will be in his favour if he’s been paying the mortgage.

As others have said if she’s on the payroll for his company then she should also have a workplace pension. Presumably this has been done for tax efficiency and I’m unsure if she’d be entitled to carry on ‘working’ for the company if she hasn’t actually been doing any work.

It is also theoretically possible to make a maintenance claim in respect of the minor child but that would only be until she’s 18 which isn’t a terribly long time.

It’s a sobering lesson but this is why marriage/proper conversations about asset distribution are so important. By the time you come to realise how vulnerable you are, it’s often too late.

Shes entitled to half of the property with her name on it but nothing else, he will have to pay maintenance for the child, the house needs to be sold so she can buy somewhere else, him saying he will see shes ok means that he doesnt want the house sold but it needs to be sold and he cant stop her or he can buy her out...yes she will have to work, unfortunately he has had his head screwed on by not getting married, also and im not on his side but many men resent having to work when their partner doesnt when the kids are older,

Women are not vulnerable they bring it on themselves, women are not weak and stupid, to rely on another human to sort your life out is stupid, they are not married so if he had died she would still have nothing, she has no pension, shes an adult she should have sorted all of this, it sounds like shes allowed him to be the adult and now hes fed up