Has anyone had a good outcome splitting from unmarried partner?

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My niece has been with her partner since she was they left school, she's now 47 and has 3 children, older ones have left home but still has 15 year old at home with her (all with her ex). She hasn't worked since the youngest was born as she has additional needs (mostly fine day to day now) and her ex actively encouraged her to be a SAHM.

Her ex has multiple properties, very successful business and a lot of hidden cash (as well as unhidden), but she seemingly has nothing of her own. She is on the mortgage of their main property and did historically put money into in but there is still a huge mortgage on this one. He said he will make sure she's okay but hasn't said specifically what he means.

She is totally devastated, she thought they were happy and this came from nowhere, although I hate to say it but we (me and her mum) suspect there is someone else. She is looking for a job but doesn't really have many workplace skills. I have told her to see a lawyer but she's sticking her head in the sand a bit and keeps saying he'll look after her, but I think this is just her being in denial.

I know she is incredibly vulnerable financially and mentally and as they're unmarried I really worry for her. Has anyone else been through something similar.

Thank you.

I know she doesn’t have a pension but she is on the payroll for his company

Did she get paid? Any details of this, such as P60 each year? . Assuming he wants to her to resign, this could be an area of leverage as over 2 years employed she would be entitled to redundancy.

How old is she? If in her 40s she can build her life again, if he's a decent dad he will think how the children feel about their mum in poverty.

Younger Women:

1. build your own financial assets,
2. always have ways to earn money
3. Don't give up work after children unless married.
4. Always keep a pension going - even a small amount of money, regularly invested, in your 20s will compound to build a pension pot.

What you suggested we did, forced him to marry her, or vice versa? And believe me none of us are feeling great about the situation. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Agreed!

This happened to a friend of mine - she instigated the spilt and was the one who didn’t want to get married and was shocked when he refused to continue to support her.

I’m confused. You say she hasn’t worked for 15 years but also say she is on the payroll for partner’s business? What’s going on there?

What is she currently doing all day with her time? I think there are some businesses who support women going back into work

She will probably get more out of him if she moves quickly while he is feeling guilty.

If he is saying he will take care of her then she needs yo be saying to him ok which property are you signing over to me, please add x amount to my pension and let’s see a solicitor to get this finalised. Then she needs to look for work and claim cms.

If she can walk away with a roof over her head that is fully paid for plus a pension top up that’s probably the best she can hope for but legally she is not entitled to anything.

What’s the equity in the house her name is on?

Would that buy her something?

Is she looking for work?

I totally agree, I mean he is absolutely loaded and am hoping he might do the decent thing but th more I hear on him, the less I am convinced he will.

She is looking for work and they do have a lot of equity (but also large mortgage).

He put her on the payroll of his company but she doesn’t actually work there. Now I’ve written that down - is that illegal?

There is plenty of info inc on MN that if you are unmarried and your relationship breaks down that basically you are fucked if you have no money, pension or job prospects, having believed that DP will always provide for you.
I understand how you and her mother feel as my DD2 isn't married. She and her DP have a child together but still rent their home. I don't say anything to her BUT if they decide to buy a home together I will have to say something.😥

She is down as an employee getting a salary, but doesn’t do any work? No, probably not legal because her salary will be coming off as an expense and reducing taxable profits for the company. It’s also used as a way to reduce income tax overall for the couple combined, by splitting the income between them rather than just one person earning it.

Based on what you have said, the chances of a good settlement will be quite dependent on him, not all men are horrible. Pushing for a house owned outright would be my instinct as he can then be “the good guy” who looked after his ex and his child, also pushing for a cms plan beyond 18 if there’s Sen. Often appealing for an amicable deal will be better

The large mortgage is irrelevant. The house will be sold and the equity split between them. Will that amount allow her to buy a property?

It’s common for women to be put on the payroll to save on tax - however I thought you needed to be married to get this. Might be an interesting angle…

She must be in a complete state of shock. She needs a plan and she needs proper advice from an experienced family lawyer. Just pay the fee, it may be worth it and you could accompany her to an appointment. Her ex partner doesn’t need to know about that. https://www.stewartslaw.com/expertise/divorce-and-family/financial-provision-for-unmarried-couples/

I split from a long term partner but wasn’t in the same position as your niece. I worked, had my own assets, pension etc. I did get legal advice and there were some aspects I could have tried to argue, but I didn’t pursue it, but I’m not in England.

I would encourage her to seek proper legal advice. The fact she’s an employee may be helpful to her. I hope she’s been claiming child benefit all these years because that adds national insurance contributions (to be eligible for state pension). If she hadn’t because he’s a high earner then that should be part of the negotiation. Can he top that up? Someone linked to it above. I truly hope he’s a decent man and does the right thing here, sadly I fear money brings out the worst in them. My ex (high earner) is constantly moaning about how stretched he is (!), shocked at what the child maintenance calculator suggests etc. I hope they can remain amicable.

She should set up her own bank account (if it’s all joint), get her own credit card so she has a credit score, and ensure the child benefit is paid directly to her. Hopefully they can sell the house and she can put down a deposit on a smaller place. I hope she can be practical here and see what she has to do.

Being married allows you to transfer some of the personal allowance.
No one legally can put any relative, including a spouse, on the payroll as an employee if they aren’t doing any work.

What do you mean by interesting angle?

This

OP if he's very well off, could be worth investigating whether this is one of the cases where a Schedule 1 Children Act or TOLATA claim is actually viable.

The chikd s SEN can be taken into account.

How much are all the properties worth?
If total is modest might not be worth pursuing.

But yeh she gave up work without protection of marriage but can claim cms til 15 year old turns 18 .

She could try a mediation see if he will gift her a property for all the years of childcare...??!!

She can see CAB and see what she would get on her own UC housing element etc
She needs to check her NI if she has got the credits

Not sure why you surprised op. She is unmarried.

Thank you.

Oh and properties are worth a few million.

A few million in equity? She needs a good lawyer now
Tolata and childrens act

How has the payroll situation been working?

Has she been receiving a salary, payslip etc? If so then technically she has been employed. Where has her salary been going?

How much equity is in the house she jointly owns?

TBH I'm not quite sure, sorry.

You have to do some work for the pay - you can’t just reduce the taxable profits and hope HMRC don’t notice.

Why about the one she’s actually named on the mortgage for? The others belong to him.