Has anyone had a good outcome splitting from unmarried partner?

[rightflisk]

My niece has been with her partner since she was they left school, she's now 47 and has 3 children, older ones have left home but still has 15 year old at home with her (all with her ex). She hasn't worked since the youngest was born as she has additional needs (mostly fine day to day now) and her ex actively encouraged her to be a SAHM.

Her ex has multiple properties, very successful business and a lot of hidden cash (as well as unhidden), but she seemingly has nothing of her own. She is on the mortgage of their main property and did historically put money into in but there is still a huge mortgage on this one. He said he will make sure she's okay but hasn't said specifically what he means.

She is totally devastated, she thought they were happy and this came from nowhere, although I hate to say it but we (me and her mum) suspect there is someone else. She is looking for a job but doesn't really have many workplace skills. I have told her to see a lawyer but she's sticking her head in the sand a bit and keeps saying he'll look after her, but I think this is just her being in denial.

I know she is incredibly vulnerable financially and mentally and as they're unmarried I really worry for her. Has anyone else been through something similar.

Thank you.

,

I’m not a lawyer, but I’m not sure they could do a massive amount for her here. She is not entitled to anything that is in his name; properties, money, pension. A lawyer can’t change that.
She is entitled to her share of the house - a lawyer could help if they can’t agree on what to do here.
Obviously she can claim child maintenance for the youngest child, and it sounds like her ex is quite a high earner.

Is there nothing in her name? No pension?

If she’s on the mortgage of any property, she will be entitled to 50% of any equity in it when it’s sold.

She’ll get child maintenance for the 15yo.

Anything else would be at his discretion.

What would she see a lawyer for? As has already been said, if the home is owned jointly she will get her share - if he owns it outright she’ll get nothing sadly.

Thank you - this is what I thought but hoped there might be something that could be done.

As far as I know she doesn’t have a pension but she is on the payroll for his company so maybe she might have some rights there, but I really don’t know.

i feel desperately sorry for her, she’s always been quite naive in some ways but she did truly think they’d be together forever.

If she's on the payroll of his company, he should have been paying into her pension unless SHE chose to opt out which I hope is unlikely. I think auto enrollment for small companies came in in 2017 or 2018 so she should have 8 years pension from there at 3% of salary, plus whatever she had before she gave up work. Her NI will also have been paid so she should have full NI between working and being a sahm.
If she gets half the equity from their house, hopefully that will give her a deposit for a flat.
Was he the sort of partner to buy her good jewelry that she can sell?
It does sound like he has found himself a younger model, sadly.

She can get a half hour free at most solicitors for advice or try Citizens Adv8ce Bureau.

Not really, to be honest the more I hear about it, the more I think he’s been planning this for a while and hiding money. They were engaged but obviously that doesn’t mean anything legally.

great point about the pension though.

Thank you to all who have replied. Just going back to my title thread - has anyone had splitting from unmarried partner?

It sounds like she’s relying on his goodwill, so best tread gently to begin with, rather than going to a lawyer and upsetting him.
But yes, the pension is importance.

I know two women who had this. The kids were helped out financially - inc older ones. But the female partner got very little. One hadn’t worked and got a full time job as a housekeeper so she could live in. Another became a carer.

Thank you - I worry his goodwill will only last until their youngest is 18 and then she'll be buggered.

I am shocked that women are still so vulnerable in these situations.

Wow, this sounds like something from the 1950s - it's such an eyeopener.

I'm not sure they'll be especially helpful here.

OP if he's very well off, could be worth investigating whether this is one of the cases where a Schedule 1 Children Act or TOLATA claim is actually viable. These are legal mechanisms where unmarried partners can sometimes make a claim, but because they're complex and expensive they aren't particularly useful to a bog standard cohabitant where the assets are only modest. She would need to speak to a solicitor with experience of such claims, as it's a niche area of law.

I've never had this experience myself, and haven't practiced in this specific area, so don't have any anecdotes to share.

It is shocking but it’s why on here us old timers encourage women to marry if they have kids with a man they will be relying on for money.

She should have married him. Or refused to give up work without being married. There are good reasons to not allow unmarried partners to have access to assets. For example, if she had been married and got a large settlement, she may then deliberately choose not to marry a future partner to ensure he has no claim on those assets that she’d like to pass to her children.

It does sound 1950s true. But there are lots of older people or people with disabilities who need care so it’s been ok. Basically swapping caring for husband and kids to someone who at least pays!

Poor woman. Yes, she will be relying on his goodwill - so I wouldn't advise seeing a lawyer, unless she can do so without him knowing. If he has hidden money it could affect her CM payments too - so I would advise her to keep things as amicable as she possibly can. A private arrangement, without lawyers & CMS involved is what I'd advise.
Will he let her stay in the house, and support her by paying the mortgage? That would be a good thing - and hopefully he will see that as the very least he can to benefit his additional needs DC. He should pay CM on top of this (again, for the needs of his DC, not her) - and if she really doesn't have anything in her name, and no earnings, she should contact the CAB to find out what benefits, UC etc she may be entitled to.

She made herself vulnerable and you all stood by and watched it happen.

The youngest isn’t 18 for 3 years so that’s plenty of time for her to find work and get herself sorted

I’d say expecting a man to support you for your whole life while you never really worked is from the 1950’s

Vulnerable because they didn’t marry, yes.

So many posts from people on here saying they aren’t going to marry the father of their baby because that’s old fashioned and you don’t ‘need’ to be married in this day and age. Then an equal number of posts like your niece saying their boyfriend has left them and they gave up work and are now totally screwed in their 40s or 50s!

I would imagine he’ll pay some child maintenance for 3 years (this amount will be dependant on how much he claims to earn-self employment can muddy this!) and she’ll get half the equity in the house (how much is that?) but that’s about it. She needs to start applying for jobs asap.

Looking to the future, she can check how many years of state pension credits she's got below.

https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

With luck she'll qualify for most years, since her kids are old enough for her to have got a good few in when child benefit was universal (please tell me she was the one claiming it) and she was then on the payroll at the company.

This. Definitely start applying for jobs -as others have said there are plenty of jobs available in the care sector.

The sooner people understand that financially merging with another person to whom they are not married is a business venture, and act accordingly, the better.