I don't think midlife is a crisis, its more like midlife awakening

[Stuckinthemiddlewithyouuhoh]

Where you realise you need to do things while your still young and healthy enough to do them

Often you start to regain some freedom after many years of raising young children and building

You no longer tolerate bs

You dont waste time on people and things that arent worth it

You are so much wiser

men stop hassling you all the time

I an understand why they used to call it the change years ago, as you really do change so much in your 40s

@Moveyourbleedingarse I used to be polite to people even as they insulted and walked all over me. Especially online. I can bluntly stand up for myself now, and it took far too long for me to learn to do that

@ThatFairy I've always been direct. Perhaps it won't happen to me, as I've always been so assertive anyway 😁

Following the thread though, it's fascinating.

It's the best way to be. No point being too nice if people can't respect you for it

Yep - on holiday at the moment and DH decided we weren't doing what we had planned because he didn't want to any more.
His face when l packed up the bag and said ok see you when l get back, have a nice day! Reader, he had his shoes on quicker than l have ever known.
Sick of other people telling me what l am doing and actually find it very liberating!

It's a corny turn of phrase but definitely "living my best life" now in a way I didn't until I reached approx 35 years old. I can't regret what came before as it's made me who I am, but the best thing I ever did was quitting the bottle back in 2020. I am fitter, happier, healthier... Turns out I am a very fast runner and have a shelf of trophies. I have many new friends and our friendships are not based around drinking, and I have kept older friends who still love me sober. I have travelled further on my own, climbed the Himalayas, learnt how to skateboard, early riser at the weekends... I have also learnt how to say "no" to things I don't want to do and can read people and their intentions a lot better.

It helps that my children are getting older. Those baby/toddler years are trapping for a lot of women, I think, but being drunk for quite a lot of it didn't help my particular situation or mental health, either.

This is so interesting, a real positive revision of the notion @Stuckinthemiddlewithyouuhoh , love it! And it makes me think that what I think of as a mid life crisis is more something men might do, whereas everything posted on this thread seems to me to be a description that is more commonly to do with women in mid life.

I had to go to a meeting this week where I was anticipating being attacked. In my younger days I would have been brave but a little sick about. This week it cought my attention that as I looked in the mirror my 1st thought was "lion". I don't do self affirmations, I think I'm just really feeling that I'm in my prime.

I like what you've written here and I think it's important. Well said.

@ValBiro congratulations on beating the addiction. I'm currently struggling with similar but I'm determined to claw my way out of it. I just need to keep trying and not give up

Good for you, @ThatFairy, the biggest step is acknowledging it's a problem, in a world (well not world, but certainly this country!) that constantly sends the message of alcohol being fun and social. Great if you manage to not to get addicted, very unhelpful if you do.

There are loads of threads on here offering support and empathy. Best of luck ❤️

I LOVE this 👏👏👏

Out of interest what was it that you were doing ?

Amazing 👏❤️

Absolutely! I love my children, obviously. But I love my adult freedom to do absolutely anything I want to do. I still feel a bit ‘under the thumb’ by my children (worry, have I effed up as a mother) but otherwise I’m enjoying the wonderful freedom I haven’t had for 30 years. No compulsory cooking every night, no rushing home from work, fresh ironing chucked on bedroom floor etc etc. Middle age is wonderful!!

I didn’t used to believe in affirmations
becuase I used to think you can trick yourself into thinking you are xyz

then I realise it actually does help reprogram that inner voice

so glad you are feeling this too

Visiting a nearby island that we wanted to go to - he decided it was too long a journey and couldn't be bothered cos he'd rather watch the football! I was not going to sit around all day watching him watch football!
I read the Let Them theory recently and he threw that back in my face today and l owned it and said yep, it's the way forwards but you enjoy the game!
My teenage daughter watches my every move and l don't want her putting up with shit like this in future.

When I have panicky thoughts about things that have happened in the past, I tell myself, I'm safe now. I'm here now. It soothes me immediately and helps the intrusive thoughts run their course or basically cut their course quick.

I agree, this is a good thread.

After my mum died, I bought a campervan and went to Cornwall on a big trip. It gave me so much confidence and helped me reflect on what I wanted and what no longer had a place in my life. I met a whole army of campervan friends, changed jobs, tried loads of new things, have had adventures, and I'm just in the process of buying my own home. I like to think that my feisty mother would be amused and proud of what I've achieved in the last 6 years 💪🏼

This.
all of it.

The liberation I feel as I get older and cease to give two fucks about other people’s opinions is life changing. I’m on a group chat with a bunch of friends and recently the talk turned to us meeting up for brunch. One particularly pushy friend said I should host as I have the largest house and so space to accommodate everyone (I don’t live in a mansion!). I really didn’t want to, said it wasn’t convenient and suggested a restaurant. Pushy friend said we can’t all afford to eat out so we won’t be able to all meet, what’s the issue you have enough room…

The old version of me would have immediately caved, worried that everyone would think I’m selfish. New me just said “oh well, that’s a shame. If anyone is interested in the restaurant option I’m happy to suggest some inexpensive ones”

Then I muted the chat and carried on with my day.