Men of Mumsnet come hither and tell...

[TooBigForMyBoots]

...what do you do to further the lot of women and children? What do you do to lessen the threat to us?

Bump.

gosh its quiet round here isn't it

Have you tried posting this in the dadsnet thread as well? Would be nice to see some replies...

My DH doesn’t come on here. He thinks it is full of sharp-elbowed middle class types (says he who went to an expensive private school). He is quite a good feminist but we disagree on trans women being essentially women. I say no (though I have trans friends). He says yes. Like the fact that I birthed our kids was a side thing… 😵‍💫

What do you expect to hear @TooBigForMyBoots?

I think I do plenty to further the lot of children. Bringing up my own would be the main one.

Not sure about furthering the lot of women. Does being a stay at home dad for a few years mean anything? It gave my wife the opportunity to progress in work. It stalled my career and now she earns twice what I do. But I didn't do it specifically to give her career a boost, I did it because my dad spent all his time at work and I didn't want that for my kids.

Embarrassingly I don't think I've had the opportunity to ever do anything to lessen an overt threat to women. I'm very much not a man's man. I've never been in a fight, and I don't like confrontation. So I probably wouldn't have had the confidence to ever challenge another man doing anything threatening to a women. Or even to privately challenge someone making misogynistic comments. But I don't really hang around with those sort of men anyway.
I try to be nice and treat women I know and work with, with respect. But I don't really think that's enough is it...

After many years on Mumsnet I am definitely gender critical. But again my views have never had the opening to actually have any impact on anything in the real world. I've not done anything or fought for anything.

It doesn't sound too great does it.

C- Must try harder.

I'm expecting to hear from the men on Mumsnet. Like @Hallsh.

I had a look at Dadsnet, its a bit of a desert, nobody's posted there since the start of the month. That's why i put this in Chat. There seem to be more men on these threads, Politics and AIBU, even FWR.

It's interesting how men never post on Dadsnet but are always coming here to moan about not getting enough sex.

Post on the sex forum, that’s where they normally hang out

Just seen this thread.

My answer, as would be true for most, possibly all, men is not enough.

I now speak up and challenge bad male behaviour, but until my mid 20s I was that coward who would sit silently and not challenge comments etc.

I tried my best to support my wife in looking after our young daughters, splitting housework and cooking, getting up during the night, you know the stuff I should have done. It won't have been enough though.

I challenged a manager at work who was making inappropriate responses about a young female apprentice and supported her in bringing a complaint about him. Don't deserve credit though, I did what should be done but all too often isn't.

Essentially whatever I do can never be enough as even if I was perfect, and believe me I am not, then it would not be enough to balance out all the bad male behaviour that exists.

Clearly I want a better world for women as I would like a world in which my daughters would not have to endure all the things that women have and currently do.

So if you saw a man attacking a woman you wouldn't try and stop it. Disgusting

I think that's a bit unfair. The OP gave an honest, thoughtful answer and admitted he's not likely to come off well if he got involved in a physical fight. I wouldn't necessarily expect anyone to put themselves at risk of violence in order to protect me - there are other ways of helping a victim.

"Clearly I want a better world for women as I would like a world in which my daughters would not have to endure all the things that women have and currently do."

I find this sort of attitude fascinating. You want a better world for your daughters, but if you didn't have daughters would you care? I don't mean to point at you personally, I hear it a lot from men that they take an interest when they have a personal stake in the women who are being disadvantaged or threatened e.g. " how would you feel if that was your sister/ mum etc".

Do men not have the empathy to see all women as deserving of respect, even if they aren't linked (or dare I say it,seen as property) to them?

I dont think that is disgusting at all. I think it is normal human behaviour to be scared in that situation. Why should he put his life on the line ? Call the police, try to help in other ways get others to help with him yes, but directly intervene on his own particularly if the attacker is armed or much bigger than him, then no not disgusting at all. Maybe not completely hero brave but completely understandable and human nonetheless

And then we ask why men won't answer our question,. If men are honest and trying for an open dialogue they get called disgusting

I am not male apologiser, but that is a pretty unpleasant thing to say

Good point.

I should have phrased this a lot better.

I want a better world for all women, my challenging bad male behaviour predates my becoming a father but having daughters enhances this.

As I said whatever I have done, do or will do it is not enough.

Ok but he didn't even mention calling the police or getting help. But if a woman is getting attacked at the very moment wouldn't he best to hit the attacker over the head with something and stop it. I would and I'm a woman

I’m struggling to put into words just how pathetic this thread is.

I feel embarrassed for pretty much every poster on her for different reasons.

Same

Same here. I've intervened when I've seen a man verbally attacking his partner and I would definitely do it if he was physically assaulting her. I've been the woman being beaten up and been surrounded by men who did fuck all so I know how it feels

Thanks for clarifying, I only picked it out as I've seen similar lines rolled out to justify protecting women and it irks me. I can see from everything else you've said that you are doing your best, so respect to you for that

But if the woman could lose her life if the man does nothing. I'm a woman and I would stab the attacker in the eye with my keys followed by punching the man in the throat to save the woman's life. Perhaps the pp should take up martial arts if he's so meek. It's pathetic he obviously happy to just except he's happy be hopeless. He says he doesn't mix with 'these sort of men. So called 'good men " can attack and abuse women. But no his precious friends would never harm a woman. So he thinks

It seems to me that the men who quietly get on with treating women as equal human beings, recognising women’s different needs to attain equity, modelling wholesome masculinity to their daughters and to their sons are doing a lot more for women than any noisy flag-wavers.

Those who stand up to their mates or colleagues, and call them out for misogyny are doing even more.

How do any of us know how we will react in a threatening or violent situation?

Yeah it's disgusting the women defending this man with to his pathetic excuses. He even says he doesn't mix with these sort of men. So he thinks men who appear good on the surface would never harm a woman.

I dont know why men come onto mn.
They get their arse handed to them on a plate at every turn. Even the men posting here feel the need to apologise and explain what they meant.
Fuck that.