What would you think if you saw someone with a black eye

[DC555]

Hello, I got hit by a car this week while riding my bike. I’m incredibly lucky to have walked away from it with just some scrapes and bruises on my legs and a very swollen cut and bruised face, eye and cheek.

I’ve been hibernating at home for a couple of days but have had to venture out today and felt a bit like everyone was staring at me, which may well have been in my head!

So, what would your first thoughts be if you saw someone at the school gates or the supermarket with a bad black eye? Would you judge them? Assume they got in a fight? Or barely think anything of it?

This is mine at the minute , rough play with my dog ! I tend to find strangers don’t mention it at all

That they'd had an accident and I'd ask them how they were and how they did it.

@DC555Hope you’re ok?

A few years ago I came off my bike at speed onto a gravel path and had deep cuts along both wrists. I felt really embarrassed at work with these thick bandages along my wrists and I felt I had to keep explaining myself, even to virtual strangers. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

if it was a woman I would definitely find an opportunity to ask privately if everything was OK and have a phone number for her just in case- even if she has hurt herself by accident it is never a bad thing that we remind each other what is not OK and that help exists

Thank you, I’m genuinely doing ok, mostly feeling incredibly grateful it wasn’t worse. Passers by jumped straight into action, the police and ambulance were so kind, and even the hospital was amazing - they had me in a fully body CT scan within a couple of hours of arriving.

I may well have a wonky nose and a small facial scar forever, so that’s something I’ll have to get used to. But I can only feel lucky.

I think it is just self-consciousness rather than other people’s reactions. I told a few people at the school gates this evening so hopefully anyone who wants to be nosy will get set straight.

Gosh, beaten up by your dog, that’s awkward one to explain! Hope you’re not too sore.

My initial assumption most of the time would be that they'd had an accident.

Honestly with any dog bigger than a spaniel it’s a very real possibility, their heads are like iron and I’m lucky that hasn’t happened to me.

I’ve had 3 black eyes in my life the first was sparring at a karate event, (I did win the fight) the following day was my first in a financial management role another life time ago, the second I closed the car door and didn’t get my head out of the way quick enough that bloody hurt, the last I tripped over a bike pedal in the garage and face planted on the floor.

For all of them, spending the following week explaining ‘no my husband is lovely’ was probably the worst bit.

I wouldn’t assume anything - my black eyes have been achieved by:

• being hit in the face with a badminton racket during PE.
• brother slamming a door in my face.
• coming off my bike HARD when skidding on a wet tram line. (And I was wearing a helmet).
• tin of tomatoes falling out of a high cupboard and hitting me right on the bridge of the nose making it look like I had been headbutted
• poking myself in the eye with a hairbrush handle whilst blow drying my fringe the day before my dad’s funeral.

Woman I’d assume DV, man I’d assume he was in a fight

As someone who has actually managed to get a black eye walking into a door ( it was a swing door I swung open a bit too forcefully and it swung back) and nearly break my nose closing the car boot ( not at the same time) I’d assume an accident.

I had a black eye/bruised eye socket several years ago, after a large glass salt cellar came flying out of a kitchen wall cupboard (after being precariously balanced!) The whole area around my eye was black, navy, purple, and brown. It was a week before it was quite faded.

Around a dozen women I encountered instantly assumed my husband had hit me. I even had a few of them saying I really need to speak to someone about it, like Womens Aid. Some believed me when I said what had actually happened. Some didn't. I was actually quite annoyed and offended by the fact that 5 or 6 of them didn't believe me and believed my husband was violent, and had punched me. I know they may have meant well, but it did irk me!

I wouldn't just assume a woman's husband had hit her if I saw this. I'd just think they'd had a little accident.

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I’d think ouch, followed by bloody hell I bet that hurt. I gave myself a fab shiner back in the summer, I walked into my car boot door, I still don’t know how I did it, but it hurt like buggary.
Hope you are okay, op. Bruising anywhere on the face really hurts .

I’d think ouch, how did that happen.
Although the only time I’ve had a black eye was after I got into a fight at school (I didn’t start it!)

I'd assume their dog had headbutted them as they bent down to clip the lead on.

Does no one take into account circumstances or what they already know about the person. Why would anyone have a stock response?

Actually why would you even assume anything, wouldn't you either ask or ignore if you think it might be a sensitive subject

I wouldn’t ignore if it was sensitive. DV thrives in the dark.

I was going to comment ‘ I’d assume you had a male labrador, with a head made of granite but a need to give you kisses’

I have sported a similar look 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'd think an accident, because I have heard and observed that victims of domestic violence would try and use tools to hide the outcome, like makeup.
Grim, I know.

I had a seriously bad black eye when I was 19 from an accident and my boyfriend at the time didn’t like going out with me when I looked like that as he would get some strange looks as if he was the one who did it (he very much didn’t)

The finest black eye I ever saw was sported by the chief bridesmaid at a wedding I was singing at, first spotted as the bridal party made their entrance. It transpired after the service she'd just been given it by the bride outside the church, for trying to cop off with the groom.

Summary justice duly despatched, they set off grimly up the aisle together.

I had a really bad one once and most people seemed to draw the conclusion I was either a prostitute or a victim of DV. They tended to look in a mixture of pity and disgust.

I'm guessing obviously but I do think someone came up to me asking if I was a 'working girl'?! I think it was a woman so she wasn't trying to solicit me I don't think.

I just wore big sunglasses and even went clubbing. It was from me face planting while pissed so I wasn't bothered.

If it had been due to violence I'd probably have been more sensitive about it as I have been a victim of DV several times.

Id think, oof that looks sore and wonder, briefly, how it happened.

I had to go to parents evening with a black eye once that I really did get walking into a wall. Dont ask. My exH judged his arse off but didn’t mention it.

I told people with a great big grin that Dh had done it.
He had. His alarm had gone off, which had made him jump, and in trying to pick up his phone, he managed to drop it on me and I bruise easily. I had a line down my eye. I did offer to use an eyebrow pencil to try and make it look like I had one the other side and it was a fashion statement, but he thought that would be worse.

What made it double funny was about 6 months earlier I'd had a black eye from walking into a door (we had a power cut and I hadn't realised the door had been left open) and dh complained that telling people that was the typical excuse for "dh did it".

I think those are the only times I've had a black eye though.

I remember my mum being beaten by my dad and having a black eye and broken nose. About 4 days after we returned to school and she head held high walked into that school to drop us off. Noone said a word although they did stare.

The next day we were at our local shop and one old woman commented "you should be ashamed being out on public like that". This is a small village and everyone had heard what happened. My mum replied " my children need food and need to go to school, I'm not letting that animal control what we do. I am ashamed of nothing. He should be ashamed and so should you, you nosey old see you next Tuesday". Honestly iv never been prouder.

I realise this doesn't relate to your situation but it reminded me of my mum. It has taught me not to judge or comment on anothers appearance. So I would not stare or say anything but I would hope you are ok.