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Where do you get your thrills when you’re 40+?

113 replies

Waitingforthesunnydays · 02/02/2026 12:34

What do you get excited about/what makes you feel alive? When I was younger & had the constant optimism of youth, I’d get my thrills from nights out, especially if I was “on the pull” lol, crazy weekends away to party cities like Berlin, backpacking, the start of new relationships, playing in football tournaments at the weekend (and the parties after). Now that I’m in my early 40s with young kids my life is pretty dull. I’m not complaining as such, I’m very lucky to have my kids and have a stable life and I wouldn’t want to be doing the stuff I did in my 20s now. But i notice I don’t get excited about anything anymore. I don’t feel excited about life like I used to, which I guess is normal and just part of getting older. This is probably what drives people to have mid-life crises, the mundaneness of life and a desperation to shake things up. I’m wondering, if you’re a similar age/life stage, how you get “your thrills” now? Or do you at all? Do you feel like it’s not something you need anymore? Or do you still have an exciting life and plenty of thrills? I think a big part of it is, when you’re young the idea that in “the future” you could do anything/be anything/achieve something great, and probably will cos you’ve got SO much time. Then when you get older you (or I anyway) realise all those dreams aren’t going to come true cos they would have happened by now, and that can be a bit of a crushing realisation sometimes. That maybe you’re not going to leave some big amazing mark on the world like you thought you would. So I guess that leads to a feeling of dullness & mundaneness about life…

OP posts:
crumbssonmyface · 02/02/2026 15:25

i go for a rave every few months and feel so free and happy

Dontcallmescarface · 02/02/2026 15:31

Going to gigs....loud gigs.

HenceWhy · 02/02/2026 15:32

@Mrscharlieeeee

We did Phantasialand in Germany last year with the grand-children

Can highly recommend it.

PandaKitty · 02/02/2026 15:41

caterpillary · 02/02/2026 13:23

Burglary

🤣🤣

PruthePrune · 02/02/2026 15:47

Cocaine and hookers.

Sheepondrugs · 02/02/2026 17:15

I don't do things that thrill, but I can tell you what invigorates me.
I love running, particularly somewhere scenic.

Variety - to visit somewhere I 've never been before. Even if it's relatively nearby.
Blasting my ears out with loud music.

Treating myself to coffee and cake
I honestly think life is more about the smaller things regularly, than big one offs .

BauhausOfEliott · 02/02/2026 17:50

What do you get excited about/what makes you feel alive?

Travel to new places
New experiences / learning new things
Sex
Seeing a horror film for the first time, ideally at the cinema
Watching football
Gigs by certain bands
Encounters with wildlife
Running, which I'm about to take up again
Live theatre
Knocking back a few cocktails
Starting a new book by an author I really love, when I've been waiting ages for it to come out
Exploring abandoned buildings

I know in Mumsnet World it's the done thing to say 'Ooh, a nice cup of tea and a slice of cake in a lovely cafe' or 'A nice walk followed by a roast in a cosy pub' or 'clean sheets on the bed' and yeah, yeah, those things are nice but I don't find them thrilling. At all.

There's big difference between 'nice' and 'thrilling'.

YourJustOrca · 02/02/2026 17:53

Solo holidays is my main one.

Meeting friends

Watching a film at the cinema I’ve been waiting ages to see

Watching comedians perform at my local theatre

Outside jacuzzi with the wind on my face.

Gorgeouslygorgeous · 02/02/2026 17:54

I started my nurse training at 40. I loved it! I completed a degree and a post grad in education. In my 40s I took my kids to Florida, twice and we drove from home to Portugal.

After the kids flew the nest, we took our campervan all around the U.K., France and Spain.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/02/2026 17:55

When I was 40-55 I’d say watersports was the most obvious thrill. But then and continuing, travelling and seeing wonderful places - wildlife, art, theatre….

cantankerousoldcrone · 02/02/2026 18:37

Sea swimming all year

Mjhope · 02/02/2026 18:43

Daytime naps

minipie · 02/02/2026 18:46

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 02/02/2026 14:43

ooh and doing things on my own that I used to feel had to be done with others.
I take myself to the theatre, to exhibitions, to restaurants. I am my own best date. It’s a fairly short train ride to London from here and sometimes, on a sunny day, I just book myself something and go and, for reasons I don’t completely understand, I don’t always tell anyone. I am my own secret date. I go to a gallery, have a fancy lunch, a cocktail and go home. I’m basically having a secret affair with myself.

I should do more of this! Thanks for the inspiration.

herbetta · 02/02/2026 18:48

boomslinger · 02/02/2026 12:56

when you find the answer OP can you let me know. I'm 50 something and bored shitless with everything. I do not need a new hobby or change of job/career, I cannot re-locate. Me & DH go to our friends houses for drinks, I prefer this to a pub .. but .. but ..

I miss the flirt/chase etc but would never want to split from dh. I miss carefree clubbing days, being bought drinks in the pub, bunking off school to go to the pub. These days .. pubs are dead, night-life around my area is generally dead, I'm not the skinny girl I used to be, nothing fits/ or looks good clothes wise and I am losing/have lost my looks as I age. I feel old and past it most days. Totally, and utterly fed up

Get a gym habit / classes - it's great for endorphins & feeling good about yourself plus seeing your body looking great can give you a buzz!

In addition, HRT plus collagen too.

dunroamingfornow · 02/02/2026 18:54

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 02/02/2026 14:43

ooh and doing things on my own that I used to feel had to be done with others.
I take myself to the theatre, to exhibitions, to restaurants. I am my own best date. It’s a fairly short train ride to London from here and sometimes, on a sunny day, I just book myself something and go and, for reasons I don’t completely understand, I don’t always tell anyone. I am my own secret date. I go to a gallery, have a fancy lunch, a cocktail and go home. I’m basically having a secret affair with myself.

This something to aspire to! Love it!

OriginalUsername2 · 02/02/2026 19:10

Waitingforthesunnydays · 02/02/2026 14:51

I don’t have any signs of perimenopause yet. That’ll be the next hurdle 😅
I’ve done a lot in my life, travelled all over the world, lived in many places, done many different jobs. Life was always exciting. I was never very good at committing to anything or settling. However that’s what I crave now - commitment and stability, but because I failed to build a stable life or commit to anything when I was having all that fun, it means I don’t have that that now. No exciting career, no marriage. Things I never thought I wanted when I was younger but suddenly do now. But obviously much harder to achieve when you’re starting point is when most people are halfway through. So ironically, all that free spiritedness when I was younger has left me with a very boring life now. If that makes sense. I have a young daughter who is my world and I do get a different kind of thrill from going on adventures with her, and seeing her joy & wonder at the world. But apart from her, I’m single and in a pretty dead end job that pays well but bores me senseless. I’ve also lost most of my friends & social life due to a toxic relationship with my DD’s dad (long story). So I very much feel like I’m starting from scratch but everything has just become so dull and I feel like my only joy in life is my daughter. I’m not depressed, I’m just bored. And I’m not craving the excitement of my younger years. I’d just like a partner to do things with, some fun friends, and a career that fulfills me. I guess that’d be the answer to what I want from life

That doesn’t sound so bad. You’ve really made the most of life and must have loads of interesting stories to tell! That makes you interesting and full of life experience. Now during this more settled period of raising your daughter you can use your experience to really pin down what you want out of friends, a career and eventually a partner and work towards it.

Gluedtogether · 02/02/2026 19:15

Board game conventions, fossil hunting, metal detecting, walks in new places, computer games, occasionally a heavy metal gig, theme parks ... though I can't take the rides that fling you around a lot anymore - spent the last visit to Alton Towers trying not to vomit!
Nb. I am in my 70s.

WonderingWanda · 02/02/2026 19:15

Travel, going to gigs, hosting parties, drinking gin.

Disturbia81 · 02/02/2026 19:22

Crushed23 · 02/02/2026 13:14

This thread makes me sad. I’m 36 and have never been more excited about life. I have days where I’m giddy with excitement and optimism.
Sounds like I’ve only got a few more years of this 😭 I assume you’re referring to perimenopause, OP?

It doesn’t have to end. Attitude and being proactive is most of it

Disturbia81 · 02/02/2026 19:24

boomslinger · 02/02/2026 12:56

when you find the answer OP can you let me know. I'm 50 something and bored shitless with everything. I do not need a new hobby or change of job/career, I cannot re-locate. Me & DH go to our friends houses for drinks, I prefer this to a pub .. but .. but ..

I miss the flirt/chase etc but would never want to split from dh. I miss carefree clubbing days, being bought drinks in the pub, bunking off school to go to the pub. These days .. pubs are dead, night-life around my area is generally dead, I'm not the skinny girl I used to be, nothing fits/ or looks good clothes wise and I am losing/have lost my looks as I age. I feel old and past it most days. Totally, and utterly fed up

This post is so sad! It doesn’t have to be like this, you can make changes.

LaundryEveryday · 02/02/2026 19:46

I had this feeling a few years ago, OP. At 45, I started a high contact sport, it's been challenging but it brings me so much joy, excitement and peace. I'm at least twice the age of people practicing this sport, but I don't care !
I also learned how to play video games. Super challenging the beginning. I'm okish now and play online with nephews and nieces who live overseas. It's so much fun!!

AbbaDabbaDooh · 02/02/2026 20:06

Cycling and freedom of the bike. Swimming in the sea. Clubbing - dance music - that ends at 11 or an outdoor day event. Lifting heavier weights in strength training.

I also got interested in the FIRE movement which gave me more focus.

Thinking of taking up squash as it seems like good stress release.

ElleintheWoods · 02/02/2026 20:27

Honestly, I feel the opposite, but perhaps I have lived in reverse.

What I find most interesting about your quote is this:

"I think a big part of it is, when you’re young the idea that in “the future” you could do anything/be anything/achieve something great, and probably will cos you’ve got SO much time. Then when you get older you (or I anyway) realise all those dreams aren’t going to come true cos they would have happened by now"

When I was younger I didn't really enjoy anything, just felt a constant need to achieve/ progress asap like time was running out. Certainly didn't live the life you describe, no nights out that I enjoyed, or weekend football tournaments for me. It was very much busy-busy-busy, ticking boxes for everyone else. Granted, I achieved most things people consider 'impressive' before 30, but that's beside the point.

I think completely differently about 'the future', achievements, and dreams.

I have about 20 working years behind me. That leaves me 30 good years ahead. If you look at when people achieve things, it's often not until they are 50+, e.g. starting a business, buying their forever home, writing a novel.

I think my 'worst' years are behind me, thank god, and think the best times are yet to come. I am not even in the middle of my adult life yet, at 40 you've pretty much just begun and smartened up, figured things out for what they are. It's like being at level 4/10 in a video game if we don't count years as a child.

Right now I get my 'thrills' from:

  • Making all my childhood years dream come true, as at 40 you have the money. Even if it's silly things like seeing the Spice Girls live, visiting Timbaktu or wearing a pink Dior dress. I spoil my inner child
  • Looking and feeling my best ever, as pace of life is calmer and taste in clothes and beauty so much better
  • Culture - I never deprive myself from any theatre, art, museums, books, something I was too busy for in younger years
  • Thinking about the future. To me, 10 years from now, I could be anyone, anywhere. Feel like I am learning and growing every day. Super excited about who I'll be at 50. I surround myself with really interesting people of varied ages and feel really inspired regularly

Oh and the sex is better than any previous decade I find. People finally vaguely know what they are doing and aren't so prudish!

By way of advice I'd say find some positive role models who are older than you. Not sure what you're into but for example Mel C gave a great interview about what 40 and 50 could feel like with the right mindset. Honestly, 20s and 30s to me seemed comparetively shite considering how 40 feels, and lots of women seem to agree.

speedtalker · 02/02/2026 20:39

I know people who switched from football (I see you said to played that) to hockey once they were older. If you loved team sport try to find another?

ElleintheWoods · 02/02/2026 20:42

BauhausOfEliott · 02/02/2026 17:50

What do you get excited about/what makes you feel alive?

Travel to new places
New experiences / learning new things
Sex
Seeing a horror film for the first time, ideally at the cinema
Watching football
Gigs by certain bands
Encounters with wildlife
Running, which I'm about to take up again
Live theatre
Knocking back a few cocktails
Starting a new book by an author I really love, when I've been waiting ages for it to come out
Exploring abandoned buildings

I know in Mumsnet World it's the done thing to say 'Ooh, a nice cup of tea and a slice of cake in a lovely cafe' or 'A nice walk followed by a roast in a cosy pub' or 'clean sheets on the bed' and yeah, yeah, those things are nice but I don't find them thrilling. At all.

There's big difference between 'nice' and 'thrilling'.

Can we be friends please? 😁

Poorna Bell has recently written a book the OP might find helpful.