Where do you get your thrills when you’re 40+?

[Waitingforthesunnydays]

What do you get excited about/what makes you feel alive? When I was younger & had the constant optimism of youth, I’d get my thrills from nights out, especially if I was “on the pull” lol, crazy weekends away to party cities like Berlin, backpacking, the start of new relationships, playing in football tournaments at the weekend (and the parties after). Now that I’m in my early 40s with young kids my life is pretty dull. I’m not complaining as such, I’m very lucky to have my kids and have a stable life and I wouldn’t want to be doing the stuff I did in my 20s now. But i notice I don’t get excited about anything anymore. I don’t feel excited about life like I used to, which I guess is normal and just part of getting older. This is probably what drives people to have mid-life crises, the mundaneness of life and a desperation to shake things up. I’m wondering, if you’re a similar age/life stage, how you get “your thrills” now? Or do you at all? Do you feel like it’s not something you need anymore? Or do you still have an exciting life and plenty of thrills? I think a big part of it is, when you’re young the idea that in “the future” you could do anything/be anything/achieve something great, and probably will cos you’ve got SO much time. Then when you get older you (or I anyway) realise all those dreams aren’t going to come true cos they would have happened by now, and that can be a bit of a crushing realisation sometimes. That maybe you’re not going to leave some big amazing mark on the world like you thought you would. So I guess that leads to a feeling of dullness & mundaneness about life…

I think for some people how we experience things changes. I used to get so excited about going to a concert. I still like to go, so doing exactly the same thing, and I look forward to it but with nowhere near the same excitement as when I was younger. And I don't think it's having more stuff to do - the daily grind, because I am lucky enough to have less stuff to do now.

I get my thrills by looking forward to bedtime.

I’ll take flying down an Olympic black run on skis over that utter lunacy thanks!

Spreadsheets and various forms of life/house organisation. Living on the thrills-edge, I’ve just adopted two kittens.

Horse riding. I bought my first horse at the age of 51 (nickname Midlife crisis 😂). But hacking, just spending time with horses, riding etc. Though I am currently recovering from a broken ankle after a fall - maybe slightly too much excitement. Though I can’t wait til I’m mobile and can ride again.

Writing a novel, socialising, spending time with DH, going out as a family or with DDs on my own, holidays, pets, gym, walking the dog, enjoying nature, day clubbing, gardening, reading, watching TV. Pretty much the same sorts of things I liked when I was younger. Learn and grow all your life or you stagnate.

Nearly 50 ! I love feeling happy healthy and content!! I've never been a mad thrill seeker tbh I guess when u younger u think ahead of loads a stuff to do and it's exciting !
When your older and kids grown up it just feels good to have got this far healthy with no major health problems (I do have inflammatory arthritis ) but I don't let it control me if I can help it, and I'm well into perimenopause and again I do what I can to help myself a simple long dog walk makes me super happy or having a meal out with my DH and adult kids and partners !!!!

Really? It seems like a classic case of stupidity, with complete disrespect for her husband thrown in.

Travel and snowboarding! With my husband and son!

I had two "affairs".
With my husband's full knowledge (married for 20 years, he is thirty years older).

🤣

Holidays, concerts, days out with my adult daughters, Fridays and Saturdays in the pub with my husband. I have loads to exciting things on all the time. More than I did in my 20s because financially things are better

I don't. I wish I could but I don't.

Lifting weights definitely hypes me up. It’s probably because I’m relatively new to it and started from a low base but 18 months in and I’m still hitting PBs at every training session and I feel stronger and fitter in daily life.
Also, I have a lovely car and driving has always been my happy place.

I agree but not because of money, just got more appreciation for life in my 40s.

I chose not to have children after much deliberation for exactly this reason, although I was less “party party” and more travel and outdoor sports. Now that I’m mid-40s, I think I could’ve done some, not all, of what excites me with children, although it would have taken a lot more planning and expense to do a smaller number of them.

I find a lot of contentment and purpose in the small things in life- my garden, running and strength training, casual bike rides, pub with friends, small gigs/ new bands and local volunteering.

The moments where I feel truly alive and am re-energised come from combining travel/ culture and my love of road/ mountain biking, skiing, climbing, yoga and water sports. Especially when I can combine WFH with spending several weeks somewhere (e.g 4 weeks in the dolomites cycling and climbing, or 3 weeks on a Greek island kitesurfing and doing yoga on the beach each morning).

Obviously it’s a twice a year type thing and I do need to work for some of the time I’m away, but having two experiences like that in a year is really energising for me.

ooh and doing things on my own that I used to feel had to be done with others.
I take myself to the theatre, to exhibitions, to restaurants. I am my own best date. It’s a fairly short train ride to London from here and sometimes, on a sunny day, I just book myself something and go and, for reasons I don’t completely understand, I don’t always tell anyone. I am my own secret date. I go to a gallery, have a fancy lunch, a cocktail and go home. I’m basically having a secret affair with myself.

I wouldn’t say I seek out thrills - but I do get a kick out of going on holiday or to a new city. Something about being somewhere new and trying new foods and exploring that makes me v happy, especially when I’m doing it with my husband and son. It’s a thrill taking your children away and showing them the world. Going to gigs and concerts, dancing and singing around the kitchen while I’m cooking, meals out, rollercoasters, meeting friends in a pub garden (rare though), having friends come to stay and laughing so hard we can’t breath, sex with my husband etc. But none of that is thrilling really - we move abroad every couple of years with my husbands work and that causes enough stress that I’m quite happy to be contented over being thrilled most of the time! I’m not one for extreme sports or trekking through the Amazon, contentment with some fun and travel mixed in is enough for me.

Sex
Amazing holidays staying in nice hotels (that I couldn't afford in my 20s and 30s!)
A full deep clean on the house (showing my age).
A lovely lunch with coffee / a glass of champagne with a friend on a Friday.
A huge walk with the dogs in the Peak District and then a stop in the pub for a glass of wine (or two) with DH whilst the dogs sleep in front of the fire.

I don’t have any signs of perimenopause yet. That’ll be the next hurdle 😅
I’ve done a lot in my life, travelled all over the world, lived in many places, done many different jobs. Life was always exciting. I was never very good at committing to anything or settling. However that’s what I crave now - commitment and stability, but because I failed to build a stable life or commit to anything when I was having all that fun, it means I don’t have that that now. No exciting career, no marriage. Things I never thought I wanted when I was younger but suddenly do now. But obviously much harder to achieve when you’re starting point is when most people are halfway through. So ironically, all that free spiritedness when I was younger has left me with a very boring life now. If that makes sense. I have a young daughter who is my world and I do get a different kind of thrill from going on adventures with her, and seeing her joy & wonder at the world. But apart from her, I’m single and in a pretty dead end job that pays well but bores me senseless. I’ve also lost most of my friends & social life due to a toxic relationship with my DD’s dad (long story). So I very much feel like I’m starting from scratch but everything has just become so dull and I feel like my only joy in life is my daughter. I’m not depressed, I’m just bored. And I’m not craving the excitement of my younger years. I’d just like a partner to do things with, some fun friends, and a career that fulfills me. I guess that’d be the answer to what I want from life

Well - it changes. Annual stuff to look forward to or plan:

Could be a big holiday.
Could be next stage of doing something massive to the house (we're talking knocking down walls and building new rooms scale).

Then there's stuff which happens more often - booking a nice hotel for a break with DH for example. A family get together.

Instead of living weekend to pissed up weekend, i live nice thing to nice thing. With moments of bliss in between. A take away, a netflix film, a couple of drinks and really good shag on the sofa, the floor and finally the worktop with DH when the house is empty 🤪

(i do carefully clean the worktop)
(and the sofa)

OP, if you are going to date again, and there are some 'thrills' although also some absolute horrors to be had out there, I always say to people to use the Burned Haystacks Dating Method (there's a Facebook group for free). It's so good at helping you spot all the red flag patterns of speech that you often miss that are signs you are not in the vicinity of a good person. I think this is especially important if you had a difficult relationship with your dd's dad. I am not suggesting you should date if you don't want to, more if you do, that's a good secure option whereby you might find men who thrill you in the right way, not the wrong way.

Other than that, think back to what you used to love in that life. Did you like dressing to kill? Did you like travelling? Did you like the social side? Whatever that is, see if you can put just a little bit of that into your life now. I've always liked wearing nice clothes and adding just a hint of glamour to how I dress, probably I am fooling no-one but I love to look nice cheaply, mainly Vinted and charity shopping, I love a bargain and I love styling myself so I feel my absolute best. You might feel like that about travel, so could you book just a short city break with your dd that's out of the norm for you two or an activity that takes you back but also forward, if that makes sense.

I've never really been a thrill seeker...I'm too much of a scaredy cat and in recent years when I've tried new thrills my anxiety got the better of me.
I say that .... I used to ride horses, bareback, no bridle and gallop about so at some point in my life I've had thrills lol.

We travel a lot and people seem to think we're brave....
I dont think so really, we just tend to not book much bar international flights then go with the flow!
Or sod off somewhere in Europe for 6 weeks.
So my thrill in life is a safe thrill...but I wish I was brave enough to go skiing or stuff like that.

Edit...oh and people talking about losing looks etc. Im nearly 49 and in some ways I'm the best looking I've been! Im fit and can afford better clothes, hair colouring, skin products and have lost weight although nowhere near 20 something me, but I think I look good!!

Oh...and I got my dream job last year! So rather than going downhill, im on the up.

Great question.
Travel and holidays is the main thing that really makes me excited.
I guess I don't chase big, exciting things, I prefer calm happiness now.
Dog walks.
Warmer weather.
Clothes shopping.
A nice meal.
Taking my son to cool places and experiences, they don't particularly interest me but it's lovely to see him happy.
Spa days
Solo weekends away

I went out day drinking for the first time in years at the weekend, I used to love nights out but bloody hell, I couldn't wait to get out, it was so loud, busy and annoying, not sure why I ever enjoyed it!

Thank you for your post :) I am actually planning on going on a big trip for me & my daughter this summer. Not sure where yet but somewhere with lots of adventure!