Where do you get your thrills when you’re 40+?

[Waitingforthesunnydays]

What do you get excited about/what makes you feel alive? When I was younger & had the constant optimism of youth, I’d get my thrills from nights out, especially if I was “on the pull” lol, crazy weekends away to party cities like Berlin, backpacking, the start of new relationships, playing in football tournaments at the weekend (and the parties after). Now that I’m in my early 40s with young kids my life is pretty dull. I’m not complaining as such, I’m very lucky to have my kids and have a stable life and I wouldn’t want to be doing the stuff I did in my 20s now. But i notice I don’t get excited about anything anymore. I don’t feel excited about life like I used to, which I guess is normal and just part of getting older. This is probably what drives people to have mid-life crises, the mundaneness of life and a desperation to shake things up. I’m wondering, if you’re a similar age/life stage, how you get “your thrills” now? Or do you at all? Do you feel like it’s not something you need anymore? Or do you still have an exciting life and plenty of thrills? I think a big part of it is, when you’re young the idea that in “the future” you could do anything/be anything/achieve something great, and probably will cos you’ve got SO much time. Then when you get older you (or I anyway) realise all those dreams aren’t going to come true cos they would have happened by now, and that can be a bit of a crushing realisation sometimes. That maybe you’re not going to leave some big amazing mark on the world like you thought you would. So I guess that leads to a feeling of dullness & mundaneness about life…

Cold water swimming! I’m such a cliche but it genuinely brings me such a thrill and rush of adrenaline 😂

Sex, theatre, travel, and most of all, ALONE TIME. Drinking a cold glass of wine in a nice pub garden with my Kindle? BLISS. Having a take out coffee walking down the South Bank? HEAVEN. Sitting on a train doing the crossword? YES PLEASE. Might sound boring, but to me, that is the ultimate thrill – being completely alone, answering to nobody, all the possibilities open to me – I adore it.

I also feel much deeper contentment than I ever did as a younger person. My husband died 5 years ago and since then I have discovered the joy in the small things – walking the dog on a frosty day, baking a cake with my daughter, getting the washing in from the line on a summer's evening, a long hot bath – all those things bring me huge pleasure and I enjoy them in a way I couldn't have when I was in that hungry, searching stage of my 20s and early 30s.

I am nearly 50 and with three teens, a business to run and various interests life doesn’t feel much less thrilling than before. To be fair, my 20s were blighted with a shit relationship and chronic illness both of which I’ve put behind me and I’ve had a very intentionally ‘onwards and upwards’ attitude ever since.

If by thrills you mean, fun stuff that makes life worth it, I get my minor thrills from lovely food, gorgeous clothes, planning and having fun days out, singing with other people, strong relationships with family and friends, labradors, learning new stuff, sex with my equally middle aged DH, Padel and other sports. Doing a job I really enjoy and pushing myself professionally to try new and scary things.

I get slightly more significant thrills from travel with my family to the places I planned but never got to go to when I was poorly in my 20s, skiing (even a blue run is thrilling for me as an absolutely dreadful skier.), sailing boats. And now and again, heading to my cousin’s farm, borrowing her enormous ex-racehorse and vanishing recklessly across the fields just like I used to when I was 16. That’s the sort of adrenaline rush that can keep me going for months!

I miss the excitement of being 17-20 something .. pubs and clubs were new to me, my boy friend had a car .. oh my days ! he also had the first of the handheld mobile phones .. in the days of the early 90s this was unheard of and a luxury. Of course he had no one to call in terms of other mobiles and signal was beyond limited 😂 I loved posing with it . even if it was just to phone a cab !

FF to now .. I have a phone, money, car, house ..none of these I had when younger and I longed for them all back then .... but ...

40s seem to be hard - drudgery, for many menopause symptoms

I think it’s a hard decade before things might start to ease off and give you space for focus on you again

but you still have decades ahead of you - worth looking after your health now

so what dreams have yet to come true for you? What do you want from life ? You want to travel ? You can perhaps soon. Learn the language now . You might not get to the Olympics but you could get to be fastest in your age group

thrills come from going outside your comfort zone / volunteering roles are great for that

snd from learning something new

it’s less about your mark on the big world and more about how in small ways you made the world better. My dad was never anything in particular but he was special to so many people - added something to their lives - helped them - made them laugh. Marked their lives and made them better. That’s a legacy

Going in the sea to bodyboard, nothing like it.😀

Mid forties and discovered pole fitness. So much fun!

Being in nature
watching plants grow
watching birds in the garden
cold water swimming
getting all my AC and GC together
holidays in beautiful places
yes Im old.

I like to scowl at my neighbours.

Things that make me feel alive:
I do dog Agility -those 25 - 45 seconds on a competition course is all I can cope with in terms of adrenaline.
I also like holidays and hiking, the plannin ahed is very important to me. I look forward to reading a book or watching a specific series on any streaming service.

Sometimes I just look forward to a specific meal that I have placed.

I get very excited when I see various wild birds and wildlife.

Paragraphs.

I’m 58. When I was young and single I lived abroad for 10yrs, had a great social life. Came back to the UK and got married and had a family shortly after. Travelled quite a lot with the dc. Hit 50 at the same time as my youngest hit teenage years. I kind of floundered a bit on the thrills side but was too busy to much care. Now my DS is living in another city and my dd is at uni, I’ve learnt to ride a motorbike, DH and I either go for a ride alone or together and were looking to do some adventure biking. There’s life in the old dog yet!

I also do masters swimming, so compete at that.

OP you don't mention a partner, sorry to be personal but is it sex you're missing? I ask because your examples of excitement mention that type of thing.

For me (single) I don't get thrills like that anymore since I gave up my unhelpful younger man habit. But I get calm happiness now. Probably an age/hormone thing (am 50).

I think you could take up adrenaline sports!

OMG, this! I don't get many thrills, but the contentment from being at home, MY home, bills paid, food on the table.... that's what keeps me going.

When my son was younger (he's now 17) I got a lot of my "thrills" through introducing him to the things I enjoyed, so that we could do them together (theatre, skating, etc), but did find that so much of life revolved around him and I didn't have much of 'me' in that. I'm now mid-40s and with his fast-approaching adulthood, I have a life that I've never had before, with independence and finances that allow me to get out and try anything I fancy, as I'm not trying to entertain and occupy him anymore. I've started travelling more, trying things like paddleboarding, cold-water swimming, book-clubs, craft-clubs, day-discos - anything really. I attended 'summer camp for adults' a couple of years ago and fell in love with it, so it's now a highlight of my year, and I've made good friends from it.

Stand-Up paddle boarding, I book holidays and go for days out based around what rivers and lakes are nearby. This led to getting a campervan to make trips easier and it’s much more fun than booking into hotels.
Also, fell walking which might not seem exciting but I’m scared of heights so it gets my adrenaline pumping.
Bike riding, bonus points if there’s a huge downhill section because it’s like being a little kid again.

Gigs and festivals.

Today I’m getting my thrills doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Mid 40s
Get my thrills from
Nights out
Dates
Sex with handsome men
Rollercoasters and water parks
Working out
Travelling around
Gigs
Hikes in nature

My children are 8 and 11.

Is there something wrong with me that I find all the things mentioned on here totally boring ? not being rude, each to their own.

When I was 17 and working in my first office for a car rental company, I heard this story ... a woman in her 40s had rented a car while her DH was away. Rentals were not allowed to be taken out of the country. that was our policy. This woman had met 2 blokes in a pub, who persuaded her to rent the car. She then drove with them across Europe, while the blokes committed petty robberies that she knew nothing about, the blokes were arrested. She was stranded with the car and abandoned it to come home. Her DH then received the bill to recover the car ... and all was then revealed. To me, this is a classic case of a woman looking for the thrills in late life

a woman looking for thrills in late life

In her forties?

🧐

@Wordless yes ! should have read ''later in life'

New car
Huge kitchen island
Dehumidifier
Cleaning the big brush on my hoover

It's quite hard to find 'new' as you get old. I do miss it - that sense of 'fuck yeah!'. Definitely on my way to a mid life chris

I feel this OP.
I had loads of fun in my 20s and 30s and my career was heading upwards. Increasing salary, foreign travel to look forward to, clubbing, gigs, flirting in bars.
I have just turned 60 and am having a 'Prufrock' moment 'Time to return and descend the stair' -- I have reached as far as I'll go in life and I'm going back down.
Basically, my work has dried up, my career ambitions are now limited, my earning power is waning. I can't afford big holidays or spa days or luxuries like I used to. I am no longer slim and pretty and I couldn't dance til 3am these days (even with chemical enhancements).
I was in London over the weekend and went to get a drink in a cocktail bar. Crowded. Loud. Pushy. Standing room only -- no free chairs or tables. Packed with vibrant young things.
That confirmed it wasn't what I wanted any more.
I do feel the sadness you describe.
But I'd say you can look forward to quiet contentment. I am happily married after 34 years. Have two wonderful, successful, loving children in their 20s. We downsized and live by the sea. Love being left alone with the NYT puzzles and getting my Wordle in 3.
Sourcing ingredients and cooking a nice meal. Drinking a glass of wine in the garden on a warm evening.
It's the little things that sounded so boring when I was young. Now some of my favourite moments.

www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/44212/the-love-song-of-j-alfred-prufrock

Music festivals (just day ones, not overnights) where I can dance and be carefree. Walking in nature, cold water swimming. Meals out. Orgasms 🤣

I'm trying to think what else...