Why would one family have so much neurodivergence

[telewubbies]

I’m autistic, my son is autistic, my sister has quite profound learning difficulties and asd, my other sister has adhd, two of her kids have adhd, I’m sure my mum also has adhd. My brothers ds is autistic and he himself is most likely undiagnosed as he’s always had his ways !

Do you think alot of families are like this ? It just seems every one of us has something and it seems like alot.
Obviously it’s a genetic thing but I wonder what actually causes those genetics?

@Sensibletrousers

love your post!

This exactly. I always knew I felt like the odd one out, but could never explain why, have never been able to let myself go for fear of people judging me, I have pretty severe ocd and anxiety always have done, don’t like change, need to know what’s going to happen or I get stressed out, don’t like any spontaneous change. I struggle talking to people, I mean do it because I have too or I wouldn’t be functioning, dh says I come across really well, witty and bubbly and approachable but I have to explain to him I don’t feel like that on the inside. Sometimes I don’t like talking to even my mum, it’s like I feel embarrassed almost ? Really hard to explain. After some interactions I feel knackered, I now know it’s masking. I’ve always practiced conversations and will use phrases in said conversations that I’ve said to myself before hand, I can also repeat phrases when actually i don’t know much about it. All this stuff i thought was just the way i was, and it is really but once ds was disgnosed and I started reading into it all it was like a lightbulb moment.

Edited to add that I don’t think I struggle with the contact, but I find myself very aware that I’m making eye contact and making sure I am doing it, which is weird but I am weird 😆

My DH is autistic and I have ADHD. All 5 of our kids are neurodivergent (either ASD / ADHD or both). I adore our awesome family

Absolutely, DH and I said this. I'm more autistic and his whole family (the males) all have ADHD. Our eldest has both as well as dyslexia (DH probably has this too). We don't need a diagnosis. It is just who we are.
We both manage successful careers as we have found what works for us. I control then collapse, he is chilled but amenable! I do have to organise him. He suppresses the hyper (after a childhood if being told be be still and quiet) but his brain is so busy and loud. We both enjoy peace, often alone. Neither needs a lot of social time, my job is public facing so I get what I need from that.

We're an ND family. Looking back its obvious now, that my father is autistic, as is ,in all probability, DH. DD has ADHD, DS2 is autistic. I probably have ADHD as my behaviour matches my daughter's. 4 out of 6 grandchildren are diagnosed autistic. They're fairly sociable and can pass as "normal" on a good day.

Also in DH's family one child has such severe autism that he can't live at home without a parent there. He's monumentally intelligent and has a PhD in astrophysics.

Not only is it genetic but also neurodiverse people are more likely to be attracted to other neurodiverse people as partners so the genetic effect gets reinforced.

Every member of my parents, grandparents, blood-relative uncles and aunts, siblings, siblings-in-law, nieces & nephews and my own DC & DH either have a diagnosis or clearly would get one if they tried. The only neurotypical ones are the cousins of mine that are the kids one uncle had with his first wife (now divorced) - the ex wife was neurotypical and really never "got" the rest of us. The cousins are nice people but clearly neurotypical too. Fortunately said uncle's 2nd wife is just as batty/neurodiverse as the rest of us.

Yabu to think this is weird. What's weird is anyone asseting that their family has one autistic child but everyone else is completely normal

Lots of assumptions here! Nowhere did I say my family lives a “full life”.

My family history contains generations of trauma, heartbreak, tragedy and hardship, all clearly due to various undiagnosed and therefore unsupported neurodivergence.

I was first suicidal at 16 but had crippling anxiety and depression from age 6. Horrific PND (inpatient). Nervous breakdowns. Nonsense BPD diagnosis. Treatment resistant. Now I know it was all Autistic masking and meltdown / shutdown / burnout.

My eldest son is so called “high functioning” (I hate functioning labels) but I wouldn’t say suffering suicidal ideation since aged 10 and having a full MH crisis at 14, crashing out of school despite being bright and still struggling now would be considered “living a full life”. My youngest was housebound with burnout and agoraphobia aged 10.

Both are wonderful kids - great company, hilarious, bright and VALUABLE - and we could “pass” as an NT family if we needed to, but neither boy will ever be completely independent and our youngest will always live with us. Same as your friend’s son. Life is HARD. Nothing is simple, I have no social life, chronic illnesses from a nervous system shot to pieces. I haven’t had a date with my husband for years as one of us has to be on duty. We are chronically exhausted.

BUT we are NOT nature’s mistakes. Our brain types were valuable to humanity’s survival 12,000 years ago. Who do you think tried all the different mushrooms lol. And they are vital to it now, perhaps even more so (try getting a PDAer to “just follow orders” from a despot dictator, or an ADHDer to be quietly compliant in the face of injustice)

Autism and ADHD are not intellectual or learning disabilities, nor physical disabilities. The traits of your friend’s son that make him “severe” are in addition to his Autistic brain.

Just because someone’s neurodivergence is less obvious on the outside, or they are able to mask / camouflage as an NT, or doesn’t inconvenience you, has no bearing whatsoever on their internal struggles and daily challenges. Assumptions and functioning labels are very harmful.

Your life and the lives of your family members sound dreadful and completely unenviable. They are also not normal. "Normal" simply means " that which pertains to the majority", and the majority of people do not have to live in the way you describe, which is a very good thing. I'm glad you can see positives because, from the outside, there look to be none.

As regards the young man I described, all his disabilities are all due to his autism. That is what doctors told his parents.Therefore he has been disabled by autism, as are many people who have severe symptoms caused by it.

Our lives are dreadful (thanks) due to modern society - no human was designed to live in this overwhelming, 100mph, patriarchal, capitalist, hate filled hellscape.

Normal =/= Common.
There is no such thing as objectively “normal” without going into the murky realms of cultural or genetic supremacy.
You’re sounding a bit eugenics-y for me so I’m going to leave it at that, as my value as a human is not up for debate.

It's the genetics. DS was the first to be diagnosed, then me, DD is waiting for assessment and DH also seems to be autistic but doesn't want assessment. Nephew is also diagnosed. But we've realised all our immediate blood relatives (and tbf cousins and aunts) are also ND. It explains a lot.