What's the most privileged/off the mark post/response you've read?

[waywardways]

I've name changed for this, just in case anyone does an AS and accuses me of getting DM fodder.

Me and the DC had to flee our home several years ago and we were moved into a tiny 2 bed flat temporarily. I made a thread at the time, saying me and 3dc had had a traumatic move and were very overcrowded and asked for advice on how to store our daily stuff in an efficient way.
Several posters replied helpfully, linking shelving units/freestanding storage, but one poster replied along the lines of:

"Your DH must be high up in the army and you have to rough it in officers housing until your 5 bed detached home is ready".

Another poster quoted the above with "This was my immediate thought too! It's so hard OP, but we've all been there".

I found this both amusing and perplexing because a) I would never have assumed the above and b) it was so far off the mark.

There was another thread very recently about food guidelines where the lack of awareness and privilege was quite frightening!

I think you're confusing the types of insurance. People who own a property with a mortgage, whether they live in it or rent it out, require buildings insurance.
Contents insurance is optional for everyone, whether they live in an owned property or rent their home.

I remember a thread from ages ago whereby the OP seemed very sad on behalf of poor people who (she assumed) had never been taught the basics of eating cheaply.

If only these people could understand that you could spend your free time in the daytime (that everybody has, of course) to plant, grow, tend and harvest plenty of food yourself in the garden (that everybody has, of course), you would save so much money over buying processed stuff from the supermarket. You would also need a large stock of 'cupboard essentials', of course - including olive oil and balsamic vinegar - but the beautiful thing about 'cupboard essentials' is that you never have to pay for them, as the cupboard fairies keep them topped up at all times for you, free of charge.

Mind, you get a lot of people who well-meaningly give to foodbanks, without ever comprehending the fact that, even if people who are in dire straits do have access to a full oven, they often simply can't afford the fuel to run it. They look at microwave or heat-on-the-hob food and think it's much less nice than proper oven-cooked food - that's as maybe, but if it's all you can afford or physically warm up, that's what it has to be.

But on that thread the OP literally says she would spend the same without much thought on other trips. Posters aren't deciding that she can afford £1000, she's told us she can.

In general though, I think the comments claiming everyone can easily eat healthy food because carrots are 50p are a bit daft. They are correct, you can get veg for very cheap. But that doesn't account for the mental load many people in poverty carry that makes cooking from scratch more difficult. Or the lack of time, facilities, or even basic skills some people have. Or that it's nice to have some decent extras to make those beans and veggies turn into something nice to eat.

My favorite was the one who was adamant that £1500 per person for a foreign holiday in the school holidays was unrealistic and that it would be more like £8-10k for a family of four.

When I pointed out that you could get a week at Eurocamp for £652 for four persons, I was told "that wasn't what I had in mind for a holiday".

What kind of cheese?

I've seen comments on various healthy eating threads criticizing people who don't buy raw ingredients and cook everything from scratch. Some people don't have the resources, equipment, time or knowledge. I do but I know I'm fortunate.

This thread is proof that the laugh emoji is very much needed. Or maybe a rolling eyes one.

Utterly ridiculous comments here.

I think some people create a fake persona complete with:

• a six-figure salary, 6 foot tall husband
• 4-bedroom house in rural woodlands or a leafy suburb
• 3 perfectly well-adjusted children (including a pair of twins) with a lovely waifish DD and two beanpole rugby-playing sons with hollow bones who eat their freshly-basked bread with lashings of real butter and organic veggies from their large garden
• 2 Range Rovers in the garage, an Aga in the kitchen and a mudroom filled with pawprints from their pair of Labradors,
• a close-knit group of friends whom they entertain at posh dinner parties or attend West End shows with and of course,
• 2 international holidays a year to Thailand/Japan/Kenya/Canada/New Zealand/insert other far-flung destination of choice and the obligatory weekend breaks to Cornwall or the Scottish Highlands (no caravan holidays here).

I suppose we all have to find a way to cope with the monotony and tedium of life and cosplaying as a rich, unemployed housewife with an adoring husband and a brood of organic-fed kids and a dazzling social life is one way to do it.

I used to be a skint single mum (he didnt pay a penny for them)

I used to have to scrape pennies together to buy food/san-pro/loo roll etc and it was hard

My mother (narcissistic,rich,selfish and out of touch) refused to help in a meaningful way at all but did come out with gems like 'oh your always running out,why dont you buy in bulk?it works out so much cheaper' or 'why dont you save up to buy food,san-pro or loo roll?you can store them in your non existent shed'

Very helpful-she knew i was really struggling and had no money left at all but told everyone she'd helped me 'see the way' (I could barely afford one loo roll let alone 200)

My brother (who is a chip off the same block) told me that 'you shouldn't have had kids if you knew you where going to struggle'

That's handly-i should have known my ex would leave me and leave us with no money and my life in tatters

He also told me to stop buying nappies and other treats like food/clothes for growing kids/shoes for them/san-pro ('just free bleed!save a few quid') but I should learn to drive to save on bus fares (forgetting it was our parents who paid for his lessons/test/license and car but refused to slip me a penny to help me out)

This is an IRL one. When we were teenagers, my best friend worked in the tea room of a visitor attraction near to her home for not a very high wage. Her DF dropped her off and collected her each day, as it was nowhere near a bus route.

The woman who managed it was extremely wealthy, along with her DH; she didn't need to work at all, but she just liked a little distraction to get her out of the house.

She asked my friend, perplexed and in all seriousness, "Why does your father always bring and collect you in the same car every day?" This would be because, obviously, like most drivers, he owned one car and was not a car thief.

On one occasion, her DF unavoidably couldn't collect her, so the woman kindly offered to drop her home after the shift. As they arrived at her street, and her terrace of eight houses, she was absolutely puzzled as to how so many different families could possibly live in just the one big linked building - and that my friend's house was only the one on the end and not the whole lot!

But if you know someone else is struggling, it's a bit insensitive to bang on about your own wealth. I had a friend who had to have a leg amputated. When I saw her, I didn't go on about all the wonderful walks I'd done.

Are you sure it isn't you who has missed the point?

There's nothing wrong with working hard or using compensation or inheritance to buy things such as houses and cars.

It's what you do with it that is the issue and can be deemed as privileged in a negative way such as some of the examples on this thread.

The thread where the OP said we should go back to putting the disabled in institutions because it would save the state money.

No way 🤣
Can you imagine a coffee with a slice of cheddar slapped in.

Where do you draw the line? I’m a high earner, I have a nice car/house/holidays/things/days out. My colleagues who earn less than me don’t have as many of these things. I can’t really talk about my weekend without mentioning my trip to local expensive spa and day trip into London to watch a show. It’s not gloating, it’s true. I bring my handbag to work that might cost as much as their cars, but it’s my daily handbag.

I was the junior colleague ten years ago so I’m not massively out of touch, I just earn more now and my lifestyle has changed accordingly. I might try harder not to mention it to someone who can’t afford to eat, but that’s unlikely to be the situation of any of my colleagues.

Yes, it's almost like some men are nice to begin with (some for years & years) rather than women are stupid for not having seen it all at the outset ...

I can tick the 'disabled child' bingo too: I shouldn't have had a 2nd disabled child before it was obvious my first one was (plus I became disabled meantime).
Then ex-H, who had said throughout their childhood: 'what is wrong with them' managed to get a dx of the same condition aged 55, took a medical retirement & now has a carefree life living 8m away & contributing nothing.

It's very hard to put your self in the shoes of another, but sometimes a little grace (or just not commenting re situations of which you know very little) is best.

Having said that, I've had some fantastic advice on here & a few very kind people done so via PM. In an isolated life, that can be amazingly helpful.

Oh yes just remembering other things that catch my eye as per PP here

The assumption that we can all buy things in massive bulk and have somewhere appropriate to store them, bags of potatoes, pulses, rice etc

The moral superiority of women who 'lift heavy' and eat gazillion grams of protein a day

And of course the 'dated and tired kitchen and bathroom' comments that pop up on any poor soul who is stupid enough to post a link to their house sale to ask why its not selling.

Oh yeah, those type of threads are always 'fun'.

The most recent thread was just the other day where someone suggested dorms for poor people with a basic food allowance.

If only these people could understand that you could spend your free time in the daytime (that everybody has, of course) to plant, grow, tend and harvest plenty of food

there was a poster who wondered why poor people don't just go to countryside and forage for berries. Started a whole thread about it.

Also, I literally couldn't do my job if I didn't drive and own a car. Even a shitty little Honda! I certainly don't see it as a privilege, it's a necessity. That I work hard for.

This is an interesting question. (I'm not having a go- just to say- just musing).

We were a great deal richer once. Before a disabled child, putting him in a fee-paying school that had a specialist autism unit etc. our relative wealth came from high-paying roles that we then gave up to work in a sector that paid a great deal less. DH and i both worked in separate offices but we deliberately chose modest cars, I wore office clothes bought from tesco etc. If talking about our weekend I would not say that we went to Vienna to see the Xmas lights for example. We deliberately and consciously downplayed things. Is that the 'right' thing to do? Honestly I am not sure. We were living perfectly legal honest lives but were embarrassed about our good fortune compared to others. My favourite colleague was earning £17 k at the time. i certainly never talked about things she could not afford in front of her. But, my life was my life, and technically and morally i have as much right to talk about it honestly as anyone else!

I'm not sure what the answer is. I am not from the UK and the British are usually reticent about money and dislike 'showing off'. But perhaps it's a problem if it means people cannot talk about their own lives / worries/ problems because of .. well, money.

Anyway, our situation is very different now. Thankfully we can cover what we need to which is a blessing. But I'm frugal, can't work full time or anything near it, on the Too Good To Go apps and all our disposable income goes towards trying to support our disabled Ds who is unlikely to ever be truly independent.

They seem to have ramped up again recently 🙄

A couple of RL examples I’ve had:
When I was just starting work I needed a car and was looking at really cheap, small run arounds which were all I could afford. A relative of my then bf, who kept her cars in a heated garage, said ‘Why don’t you buy one of those lovely little 2 seater Mazdas that have just come out?’ They cost slightly more than my entire year’s salary...

And then more recently, one of my sons knew some other teenagers who were from very rich families. One girl had been given a brand new, top of the range Audi after passing her test and had never heard of and didn’t believe that people bought second hand cars. She assumed that everyone just bought brand new every time they wanted another car.

The posters who come on and says that they think that their neighbour's disability benefits are too high and she's considering reporting them for 'fraud' because she saw her in McDonalds eating a burger and smiling a couple of months ago.

And she 'knows' exactly what the person is able to do and not do behind closed doors in private. And she also 'knows' exactly how she filled out her benefits forms, all about her personal medical history and exactly how much money she gets.

And she's absolutely seethingly jealous. Of a chronically disabled person. Who is a near stranger.

This was years and years ago now but on a thread by a woman who was asking for ideas to make Christmas nice for her child with barely any money, someone helpfully suggested that whole lobster was currently on offer in (I think it was) Lidl 🙈🙈.

The smugness of the ‘don’t have children if you can’t support them ‘ brigade drives me mad

i did it all right - career, own house, marriage, children - we both worked and didn’t claim anything

I did not expect an affair and being left with a 6,4 and 4mth old, for exes business to go under 3 mths later - I worked but tax credits kept the wolf from the door .

shit happens, life changes - F off!