I'm going to visit my son. It's going to cost a fortune..

[Beakthrough]

He's in Uk at the opposite end to me.

He can't put me up so I need to pay travel and accomodation, plus I won't be able to cook for him (or vice versa) so I'll likely end up paying for several restaurant meals too.

I reckon, by the time I'm done it will cost me close to £1000 for the six days planned.

Nearly £200 in travel, £400 for the cheapest accomodation I can find, plus 5 or 6 dinners and ither spending money.

I have the money, I'd spend it on other trips without thinking too hard, but I'm struggling to justify it to myself for this one, which makes no sense to me. Can anyone else work out what's going on with my head?

Hopefully, eventually he'll have somewhere he can accomodate visitors but for the time being he can't.

As others have said this is because you are going for six nights. That’s a very long time and surely you’re not going to see your son every day during that time. He will have other things to do. People go to New York for four nights so the distance doesn’t make it necessary if you’re both in the uk. You could still easily go for two to three nights.

id prefer to see my child twice for two nights rather than once for six nights in this situation.

So you saw him last month at Christmas but you’re going for 6 days now? Why?

My son is a 5 hour flight (3 day drive!) away and I can't stay with him either so I understand the issue. I know I'm repeating others but the things that stand out to me are:

1. you just saw him at Christmas. If it's so expensive, don't you want to space these visits out a bit across the year?
2. it's 2 days of travel whether you stay up there for 2 days or 6 days. The travel time isn't a good reason to stay longer.
3. For a 2-3 day trip they'll probably cancel all their other plans to spend all their available time with you. If you drag it on, you'll probably find they're less willing to put their lives on hold and you'll be on your own some nights. Best to triple check their expectations and make sure you are not going to be upset when you get there.

If you are there that long why not get a place that has a kitchenette?
When I'm going to be gone that long I get a place that has a kitchenette so I can at least cook a few meals.

That’s life unfortunately. I’m similar, but in Australia, 20 hour drive by car each way (which we don’t), so flight instead.

Sleeper train? 6 nights is far too long, even if it takes a day to get there. 3/4 nights tops is enough surely. Plus, if he visted at Christmas, why go up now? Surely wait a bit longer?

I haven't RTFT, but why not propose a weekend somewhere sort of halfway to both of you, where it's potentially cheaper? And rent an airbnb/accommodation, you pay for the accommodation (with separate bedrooms), both of you pay for food and any activities, job done

I’m struggling to understand the point of this thread and I’ve been reading it since the beginning.

my parents in law used to visit us for three weeks, bring the kitchen sick and their cat. they even brought their own kitchen scales. I was working from home and juggling three other different jobs and didnt even have proper office space - it was hard

I can't remember when holidaying in the UK was cheaper than abroad. I find it horrifying how much a day out in the UK costs when you travel by train

What's going on in your head? Maybe that £1k for an unremarkable time in the UK would cover a holiday abroad for the two of you. The UK can be such poor value

surely he can have visitors just who eat, that is ridiculous

all seems full of obstacles

The point of the thread? OP is wondering why she is baulking at spending £1k to visit her son in the UK whilst having the money to do so (and would readily spend on other trips). And is wondering if anyone can help her make sense of what's going on in her head in this regard.

Maybe there's something in this OP?
I understand you didn't actually come here for practical travel tips but to try and understand why you're not feeling great about this trip.

I guess I'm wondering if there's something about visiting your adult son as a widow, there being no place for you and on top of that there is a woman in his life now. And there's noone to share this transition with, and not even a welcoming location to greet you. Mountains and presumably rain.

I'm not suggesting you're not happy for your son or dislike his gf or want to bunk down at his. Just that it might be bringing up something for you, and there aren't many niceties of a usual holiday or usual travel companions to take the edge off at all. Possibly.

I have one dc who lives abroad and one 300 miles away (plus 1 locally and 1 at home) so i feel your pain. My advice would be be to lean into it and make it into a holiday not a cheap visit! For an extra bit can you get nicer accommodation?

But it obviously isn't easier for you is it? If it was you wouldn't be making issues where there aren't any rational ones!

Rather than book cheap accommodation, which I am guessing is a hotel / B and B get an AirBNB or a flat / cottage / caravan so you can cook.

why dont you wait until the spring

Why don’t you just see it as a holiday? I love a long train journey. Time to read a book or watch a movie. You are going to see your son. Go, enjoy and don’t worry about how much longer you will be able to do it.

I think you mentioned five or six dinners. It sounds like you’re going for a long time. Maybe cut it down?

Given all your info I’d go for 5 days and do Airbnb. First day you’ll get in at around 5ish so I’d get there and get son to come over and order a pizza, bring some wine with you maybe? Next day go and do some shopping and have a wander and plan to cook for son and gf? You said son has a couple of days off so use one of those days to go out with son and maybe buy some lunch. You’ll probably be on your own in the evening so cook light and cheaper. One day you cook again maybe just for son and you maybe he can sleep on the couch and go to work from there? Next day is day home. I think that would work out cheaper? I think I’d rather have my own little space than be in a hotel unless the hotel is much more central and you can walk out from there? Airbnb and being remote and relying on taxis won’t be cheaper!
Whatever you do I’m sure you will just love seeing your son.

If he has no resources his end have him visit you, even if you pay for his travel it will be much cheaper.

Maybe she hasn't got as much money as you.

Airbnb is not the cheapest option. A local B&B or a budget hotel chain may well be cheaper.

Tbh, I would reschedule for a long weekend over a bank holiday when he can maybe take one day off and you go for 5 days. I’d suggest staying in an interesting town/city @ 60mins from him where a) there would be hotels/B&Bs and things to do if he has to work; b) you could drive as it would be closer and you’d have your car for your visit; and c) he could join you on several of the days or you could drive over to him. Would reduce the cost, make it more interesting and you’d see more of him - all of which would justify the cost, which is hopefully substantially reduced?